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Rob Rogers escapes the year 2007 to write this issue of LNH Comics Presents
#503 the start of the Dead Presidents arc. Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy and
Skunk Girl are having a date at Arlington Net.ional Cemetery -- what could
possibly go wrong I mean as long as Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy brought enough
brains in his picnic basket to satisfy any living corpse of that happens to
be around -- they should be able to have a wonderful picnic. And if not...

*Ahem* and now...

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|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #211

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LNH Comics Presents #503
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From: EDMLite robrogers72 at gmail.com
Date: Mon Jun 27 13:50:37 PDT 2011

---------------------------------------------------------
When the mad Dr. Killfile threatened to destroy the
Internet -- THEY answered the call! Today, THEIR strange
and mighty powers are our last, best line of defense
against crime, disaster and unspeakable horror! THEY are
our knights in shining spandex... the LEGION OF NET.HEROES!
---------------------------------------------------------

[Cover shows Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy and Skunk Girl
back-to-back in a circle of shadowy, menacing arms, with
Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy shouting "You? It CAN'T be you!"]

Arlington, Virginia 20 February 2011 10 a.m.

Arlington Net.ional Cemetery had rarely looked as
beautiful as it did that morning. The rolling hills were
as green as they had ever been; the long rows of white
tombstones sparkled in the sun, and the air, while crisp
enough to suggest that a storm might be on the way, was
still just warm enough for a picnic.

Nevertheless, the young super-hero known as Obnoxious
Ame.rec.a Boy couldn't help but wonder if a cemetery --
even Arlington -- had been the best choice for his very
first date with Skunk Girl.

"It's... lovely," said Skunk Girl, who had chosen a
short yellow dress that perfectly complemented her black
fur. "Even the gravestones are very... historical."

Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy struggled to remember the
dating advice that his fellow Legionnaire, Sister State-the
-Obvious, had given him the previous evening, which now
seemed so long ago. Keep your mouth shut, she had said.
Don't focus attention on yourself. Ask her about her
interests.

"Do you... do you like history?" Obnoxious Ame.rec.a
Boy stammered.

Skunk Girl considered this. "Well, now that you
mention it, I actually..."

"Because I find it fascinating," the Chauvinistic
Crusader began. "I mean, take this place. This cemetery.
Did you know that the whole thing once belonged to the
Confederate general, Robert E. Lee? The Union general,
Montgomery C. Meigs, turned Lee's ancestral home into a
cemetery so that he and his family would forever have to
face the consequences of the war."

"Huh," Skunk Girl said, swinging her picnic basket
from side to side. "That's really..."

"But that's not what I find so inspirational about
Arlington," Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy said. "The real
reason I wanted to bring you here was..."

"Kennedy!" Skunk Girl gasped, dropping her basket.
"Oh my God! President John F. Kennedy!"

"That's exactly right!" Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy said,
pleased that the date was going so well. "Whenever I pass
by the eternal flame marking his grave, I can't help but
think that..."

"He's come back from the dead!" the Mustelid Maiden
screamed, trying desperately to draw Obnoxious Ame.rec.a
Boy's attention to the shadow that loomed behind him.

"In a sense, yes," Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy said. "I
don't mind telling you that it was Kennedy's inaugural
address that inspired me to want to become a super-hero.
That's what I've always admired about Kennedy: beyond his
heroism during the war, or his bravery during the Cuban
Missile Crisis, or even all of that Camelot nonsense -- his
ability to bring out the very best in others."

"HE WANTS OUR BRAINS!" Skunk Girl shouted, tugging
at Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy's arm.

"Exactly!" Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy beamed. "And our
hearts, and our spirits and...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"
he gasped, as the bony, clawlike hands of the nation's
35th president clamped down upon his shoulders.

* * *

Legion of Net.Heroes Comics Presents #503:

"Dead Presidents"

By Rob Rogers

* * *
White House Situation Room, Washington.gov 12:02 p.m.

"Here's the latest status... report," Kid Recap
gasped, his face illuminated by the flickering shadows
of the dozens of television screens and monitors that
lined the walls of the Situation Room.

All but one of the screens showed members of the LNH
doing battle with the animated corpse of a former U.S.
President. On the last screen, former Presidential advisor
Karl Rove explained to an interviewer that the zombie
attacks were entirely the fault of the Democratic Party.

"Writers Block Woman and Mouse managed to keep
Zombie Thomas Jefferson and his clockwork mecha bottled
up in... Charlottesville," Kid Recap panted. "Kid Kiwi's
Kiwi Kommandoes... have prevented Zombie Dwight D.
Eisenhower from destroying a military-industrial complex
near... Abilene, Kan.sys. And the remaining members of...
Teenfactor... are holding the line against their former
mentor, Gerald Ford, near Detroit."

Kid Recap took a deep breath, wishing -- as he always
did while visiting the White House -- that the current
President, former high school gym teacher Barracks Boatman,
did not insist on his guests performing deep-knee bends and
jumping jacks during official briefings.

[Boatman became President as the result of a
typographical error in "Mister Blister and Sister-State-
the-Obvious #2 -- Footnote Girl].

He sighed. "But the battle between Drabble Girl and
Zombie Calvin Coolidge... is still a draw, as neither one
has yet to utter a word," Kid Recap said. "And there's
been no response... from either of our West Coast teams."

"Thank you, Mr. Recap. That will be all," President
Boatman said.

"Oh, thank God," Kid Recap said, leaning against one
of the monitors.

"I meant that will be all for your report. The knee
bends will continue until further notice," Boatman said.
"My God, Fearless Leader, what are we dealing with here?
What are these things? And which one of your enemies is
responsible?"

"We're not certain that one of our enemies is
responsible, Mr. President," said Fearless Leader, who
--unlike Kid Recap -- had little difficulty talking and
performing calisthenics at the same time. "They usually
prefer to attack us directly, to the extent that they
exercise any kind of strategy at all."

"Whereas these... former Chief Executives... don't
seem to be attacking anyone at all. Which is a good thing,"
said Occultism Kid. "On the other hand, they all seem to
have the ability to exercise a great deal of influence
over the living, just as they did when they were alive."

Barracks Boatman shuddered. There was something about
Occultism Kid's voice... low and dark and badly abused, like
Tom Waits might have sounded with a hangover, that made his
skin crawl.

"Terrific," Boatman said. "They told me this place was
haunted when I took the job. Didn't say anything about
zombies. Do you mean to tell me that every single former
President picked today to crawl out of his grave, and you
super-people don't have the foggiest idea why?"

Kid Recap cleared his throat. "Not every former
President, Mr. President. The... remains of William Howard
Taft have been in a secure location ever since that...
incident in Net.ropolis [in LNH Comics Presents #501 --
Footnote Girl]. And Abraham Lincoln's tomb has been sealed
in concrete since someone tried to rob it in 1876."

Occultism Kid chuckled. "That's the story they tell
to tourists," he said.

President Boatman raised an eyebrow. "And the real
story is...?"

"That Vachel Lindsay was correct: President Lincoln
really did walk at midnight. As a zombie. In 1901.
And he might be walking around today, if Theodore
Roosevelt hadn't plugged him with an enchanted weapon."