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arts / rec.arts.comics.creative / LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #213: LNH Comics Presents #505

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o LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #213: LNH Comics Presents #505Arthur Spitzer

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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #213: LNH Comics Presents #505

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 by: Arthur Spitzer - Sun, 22 Aug 2021 21:02 UTC

You can sift through the racc list archive
https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for these issues of LNH Comics Presents.

LNH Comics Presents #505 is the third part of Rob Roger's 'Dead Presidents'
saga. Can Occultism Kid and Anal-Retentive Archive Kid's library searching
skills find the answer to the Zombie President Onslaught!? Can Fearless Leader's
military mind pick the right LNH'rs to counteract the Undead Presidents
invasion?! Can Master Blaster's liver outlast Ulysses S. Grant's zombie liver
in a drinking contest to end all drinking contests?!!!

Find out some of the answers possibly in this issue of...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #213

=====================
LNH Comics Presents #505
=====================

From: EDMLite robrogers72 at gmail.com
Date: Mon Jul 11 12:04:01 PDT 2011

---------------------------------------------------------
When the mad Dr. Killfile threatened to destroy the
Internet -- THEY answered the call! Today, THEIR strange
and mighty powers are our last, best line of defense
against crime, disaster and unspeakable horror! THEY are
our knights in shining spandex... the LEGION OF NET.HEROES!
---------------------------------------------------------

[Cover shows Master Blaster, Sarcastic Lad, Sister
State-the-Obvious and WikiBoy climbing over each other to
reach the top of the statue of a Civil War soldier. Dozens
of corpses in tattered blue uniforms are reaching out to
them from all sides. The inscription at the bottom of the
statue reads: "THE GLORIOUS DEAD."]

WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: Almost every former President of
the Usenetted States risen from his grave, with each
zombie using his great influence over others to cause
havoc and mayhem throughout the country. While Occultism
Kid seeks the source of this madness within the Secret
Library of Congress, the other members of the Legion of
Net.Heroes do their best to contain the rising menace
of the undead Presidents...

* * *

Legion of Net.Heroes Comics Presents #505:

"Dead of State"

By Rob Rogers

* * *

Net.York City 20 February 2011 5:15 p.m.

"You just had to say it, didn't you," Sarcastic Lad
said, taking a moment to glance over his shoulder as he and
his three fellow heroes ran through the streets of
Manhattan, followed by the distant sound of marching boots.

"We had former President Ulysses S. Grant pinned down
inside his tomb," Sarcastic Lad continued. "Everything was
going so well! And then Grant raises his arm, like he's
going to fight us, and you just had to say, 'You and what
army?' "

"I said I was sorry," Master Blaster said.

"You chose to say this to Ulysses S. Grant. The man
who led the Union army to victory during the Civil War."

"He was actually quite effective during the Mexican
War as well," WikiBoy pointed out.

"Why? Why would you say this?" Sarcastic Lad asked.
"Did it never occur to you that every cemetery in Net.York
City happens to be packed with dead Union soldiers? Who
might all choose that very moment to rise up and follow
their former commander?"

"I said I was sorry," Master Blaster said. "Look, as
soon as we get out of the city..."

"Look out!" Sister State-the-Obvious said, as a pair
of corpses dressed in Union blue took up positions blocking
the street ahead of them, their rifles fixed with bayonets.
"Undead end!"

"Okay," Sarcastic Lad said, as another group of Union
zombies appeared on the right. "We're surrounded by the
living dead, unlikely to receive any reinforcements..."

"Low on ammunition," Master Blaster added.

"...and short on time," Sarcastic Lad continued.
"Clearly, there's only one possible option."

WikiBoy sighed, knowing what was likely to come next.

"WikiBoy," Sarcastic Lad said, "you're going to have
to edit yourself into the reincarnation of Robert E. Lee,
come up with a speech inspiring enough to wake whatever
Confederate soldiers are buried within the city limits,
and win the war for the South."

"WHAT?" asked WikiBoy and Sister State-the-Obvious
simultaneously, as another group of the unquiet dead cut off
their escape route to the left.

"Sure," Master Blaster said. "Just pretend you're
one of those guys who goes out on the weekend and re-enacts
the Civil War. Or one of the Dukes of Hazzard."

"If the real General Lee couldn't defeat Grant one
hundred and fifty years ago," said the Legionnaire Anyone
Can Edit, "what makes you think I'll be able to come up with
a way to stop him now?"

"Maybe he's rusty," Sarcastic Lad said.

"Right," Master Blaster said. "So edit yourself not
to be rusty. While at the same time being seasoned and
experienced."

"And grow some sideburns," Sarcastic Lad said. "And
a beard. Everybody in the Civil War had some outrageous
facial hair."

"The zombies aren't attacking," Sister State-the-
Obvious noted. "They're lining up along either side of the
road."

"Of course they aren't attacking," Sarcastic Lad said.
"They're intimidated by WikiBoy's sideburns."

"They've formed a gauntlet, leading to... that bar,"
Sister State-the-Obvious said, pointing to a gap in the
column of the living dead where neon signs advertised the
presence of Coors and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

"WikiBoy, what do your enhanced military strategic
senses tell you about that bar?" Sarcastic Lad asked.

"Well, I..." WikiBoy began.

"Never mind," Master Blaster said. "We're going in.
I can feel something calling to me in there. Call it
karma. Kismet. Destiny, if you will."

"I told you that you should have gone before we left
Legion headquarters," Sister State-the-Obvious said.

"I'm with Rob," Sarcastic Lad said. "If I'm destined
to be torn apart by an army of monsters from beyond the
grave, I'd like to go with a drink in my hand."

Sister State-the-Obvious sighed, shook her head and
followed her husband, Sarcastic Lad and WikiBoy past the
line of silent soldiers and into the bar.

Tables, chairs and barstools lay strewn about in the
nearly-empty tavern. A television set in the corner
flickered between grey test patterns. At a single table
near the center of the room, dressed in a disheveled blue
uniform, sat the waxy corpse of Ulysses S. Grant.

The doors to the bar swung shut, and a pair of
soldiers stood before them, ignoring the flies that swarmed
around their desiccated bodies.

"So. Here we are," Sarcastic Lad said, glancing from
one frozen grimace to another. "You're clearly not
interested in fighting us, so... what's the game? Pool?
Darts? Pub trivia?"

"I am so ready to own their undead asses in trivia,"
Master Blaster said. "I watched almost the entire Ken
Burns documentary on the Civil War."

"You fell asleep within the first hour," Sister State-
the-Obvious said.

"Well, you could pretty much see where it was going,"
Master Blaster said.

All four heroes tensed as the 18th President of the
Usenetted States reached under the table. When his bony
hands reappeared, they were clutching a dusty bottle of rye
whiskey and two rounded glasses.

"It's a drinking contest," Sister State-the-Obvious
said. "He wants one of us to try to outdrink him."

"Can you out-drink a zombie?" WikiBoy asked. "Does
his body even process alcohol?"

"The real question is, does yours," Sarcastic Lad
said, placing a hand on WikiBoy's shoulder. "WikiBoy,
you're going to have to edit yourself to..."

"No," Master Blaster said, removing Sarcastic Lad's
hand.

"We're not doing this again," he continued, walking
slowly across the room and taking a seat across from the
zombie President Grant. "You and I are always asking
WikiBoy to do our dirty work. And that's fine when it's
something unimportant, like doing our laundry, or our
taxes, or going to prison on our behalf, or leading us
through a mine field."


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