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arts / rec.arts.comics.creative / LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #214: LNH Comics Presents #506

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o LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #214: LNH Comics Presents #506Arthur Spitzer

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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #214: LNH Comics Presents #506

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Subject: LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #214: LNH Comics Presents #506
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 by: Arthur Spitzer - Sun, 29 Aug 2021 21:17 UTC

You can sift through the racc list archive
https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for these issues of LNH Comics Presents.

LNH Comics Presents #506 is the conclusion of Rob Roger's 'Dead Presidents'
saga. Tricky Dick is back and now controlling an army of dead presidents!
Will Nixon finally get revenge on Saxon Brenton for offing him in that
Limp-Asparagus Lad Special?!! Will he team up with Needs-A-Shave-And-A-Haircut-
And-A-Bath Man so they can stop Saxon Brenton once and for all?!! (Okay since
Needs-A-Shave-And-A-Haircut-And-A-Bath Man died kind of because of Nixon, I
guess that team-up probably won't be happening) Regardless, I imagine there will
be a lot of LNH'rs punching the hell out of zombie presidents (and isn't that
the important thing?!)

Anyways, here we go...!

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #214

=====================
LNH Comics Presents #506
=====================

From: EDMLite robrogers72 at gmail.com
Date: Mon Jul 18 18:27:30 PDT 2011

---------------------------------------------------------
When the mad Dr. Killfile threatened to destroy the
Internet -- THEY answered the call! Today, THEIR strange
and mighty powers are our last, best line of defense
against crime, disaster and unspeakable horror! THEY are
our knights in shining spandex... the LEGION OF NET.HEROES!
---------------------------------------------------------

[Cover shows Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy, his pupils
black and opaque, aiming a pistol at the head of a
chained and bound Fearless Leader. A gloating Lich Nixon
stands behind him, rubbing his hands together. The caption
at the bottom of the page reads "CHIEF EXECUTOR!"]

WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: Nearly every former President of
the Usenetted States of Ame.rec.a has risen from his grave,
each with the power to exert tremendous influence over the
living. While the Legion of Net.Heroes fans out across the
country to do battle with the presidential revenants, the
Legion's Fearless Leader now finds himself face-to-face
with the man who has launched this wave of undead terror...

* * *

White House Situation Room,
Washington.gov 20 February 2011 7:50 p.m.

"Richard Milhous Nixon," Fearless Leader gasped.

"I always preferred Mr. President," said the black-
clad walking corpse, pausing to tousle the hair of one of
a group of frightened children as he swept into the room.

The children -- boys and girls of various ages, whose
presence in the Situation Room had so far kept the Secret
Service from firing on Nixon -- had been summoned there by
one of Nixon's thralls, the Zombie John F. Kennedy, who
lurked at the corner of the chamber with fellow zombies
George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Woodrow
Wilson.

Nixon had apparently exercised his will through
Zombie Kennedy over the children -- and over Kennedy's
captive, the Legionnaire Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy -- in
what Fearless Leader could only assume was the mind-control
equivalent of an Amway organizational pyramid.

"And you're...the Legion of Net.something-or-other,"
Nixon said, striding forward. "In my day, it was the Legion
of Net.Hippies. Bunch of punks, drunk on privilege,
convinced that it gave them the power to tell the rest
of the world what was right and wrong."

He raised his head to stare at Fearless Leader. "The
kind of people who have been trying to keep Dick Nixon
down his entire life."

"Why'd you do it, Nixon?" asked the Legion commander,
stepping out from behind a marble statue of Justice
near the entrance to the underground chamber. "What was the
point of bringing all the Presidents back from the grave?"

"Why'd I do it? Why did Truman drop the bomb on
Nagasaki?" Nixon replied, turning to Zombie Franklin
Roosevelt as if he expected the creature to answer
his question. "To remind the world what the people of
this country are capable of."

Nixon walked onward, his vast black cloak trailing
behind him, until his pockmarked face was just a few
inches from Fearless Leader's.

"You think the Chinese are going to dick around with us
over the exchange rate or the South China Sea, now that they
know we can raise up an army of their ancestors whenever we
damn well please?" Nixon asked. "How many pissant camel
jockeys do you think are going to threaten to blow
themselves up in our cities, knowing that the moment they
do, they'll be signed up for a never-ending membership in
Richard Nixon's new silent majority?"

Nixon jabbed an iron-clad finger at Fearless Leader's
chest. "I've just done more to guarantee Ame.rec.an
security than the last six Presidents combined. Or your
Legion."

President Barracks Boatman, who had been crouched
behind an overturned conference table, rose to his feet,
shrugging off a pair of Secret Service agents as he did so.

[Boatman, a former high school gym teacher, became
President as the result of a typographical error in "Mister
Blister and Sister-State- the-Obvious #2 -- Footnote Girl].

"The Ame.rec.an people won't stand for it," Boatman
said, glaring at Nixon.

"Let me tell you about the Ame.rec.an people," Nixon
said, walking around Fearless Leader to approach the
President.

"Make sure they have cheap food, and none of
them will worry themselves about what it's made of," the
undead President said. "Give them cheap oil, and plenty of
it, and they won't get too worked up about who you had to
kill to get it. Keep them safe, by whatever methods are
necessary, and nobody's going to question anything else
you decide to do.

"Fail to deliver on any of these things," Nixon said,
the edge of his cloak passing through the holographic map of
the Usenetted States at the center of the chamber, "and
they'll ride you out of town on a rail, regardless of how
noble they may think you are."

"Um, excuse me," said Kid Recap, still taking shelter
behind a carved image of the Great Seal of the Usenetted
States, "but... why is it that Zombie Nixon can talk and
make speeches, when all of the other zombies just sort of
walked around moaning and drooling?"

"Because Nixon isn't a zombie," said Occultism Kid,
entering the chamber behind Nixon, accompanied by Anal-
Retentive Archive Kid, Particle Man and Blue Canary.
"He's become a dark lord of the underworld: a lich."

* * *

Legion of Net.Heroes Comics Presents #506:

"Nixon's The One"

By Rob Rogers

* * *

7:55 p.m.

"A which?" Kid Recap asked.

"Oh, like you never played Dungeons & Dragons in
secondary school," Anal-Retentive Archive Kid said. "A
lich is a powerful sorcerer whose command over dark magic
is so vast that it transcends the grave... I'm sorry, Kid
Recap. Did I say something to offend you?"

"No...no," Kid Recap said. "I'm just not used to
having other people explain things to me."

"I don't care whether you're a vampire, the bogeyman
or the Loch Ness *@#$%^in' Monster," President Boatman
said, pointing at Lich Nixon. "I woke up this morning
as commander-in-chief over the most powerful nation on
earth. And I sure as hell didn't need an army of dead
mother@#$%#$%ers around for that to be true."

The Dark Lord considered Boatman, as the zombie figures
of Washington, Roosevelt, Wilson and Kennedy began moving
toward the assembled Legionnaires.

"I like you, Boatman," Nixon said. "You're a real
Ame.rec.an -- working class background, built your way up
from less than nothing. Not like these people," he said,
waving his gauntlet dismissively at the members of the LNH.
So I'm going to give you a choice."

* * *

8:05 p.m.

"Protect the President!" Fearless Leader cried, as the
animated skeleton of George Washington charged toward him.
"And get those kids out of here!"

"On it..." Kid Recap began, as Lich Nixon idly waved
his hand toward the statue of Justice. The stone figure
lurched forward, swinging its sword at Kid Recap, who
narrowly avoided decapitation.


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