You can sift through the racc list archive
https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for the whole issue of LNH vII #50.

And this is part three of the Big Mega Multi-Writer Issue of LNH vII #50.
There were Eight LNH Writers involved in the writing of this and they
are as follow: Jeanne Morningstar, Rob Rogers, Scott Eiler,
Dave Van Domelen, Arthur Spitzer (me), Drew Nilium, Martin Phipps, and
Saxon Brenton.

And some more Dorf/LNH action! First it was the Dorfs, and then it was
multiple Irony Men, and then came -- The Hipsters? But perhaps something
in Comic Snob Boy's scrapbook will help with that -- and if not then
maybe WikiBoy is the answer?

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #224

=====================
LNH vII #50 Part Four
=====================

From: Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Date: Sun Nov 2 16:20:29 PST 2014

--LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

Kyoko Ishikawa rubbed her temples and sighed, glancing for a moment
at the holographic chronometer floating above the edge of her
receptionist's desk.

Seven minutes left until the end of her shift. In the last twelve
hours, she'd handed out membership forms to a talking plant, a girl who
claimed she had the power to make public television pledge drives more
interesting and three different beings who had claimed to be the
reincarnated forms of Pants Rabbit Lad.

She'd counseled several others to take their dreams and mad
ambitions elsewhere -- to one of the smaller, newer super-teams that
acted as a kind of minor league for the LNH, or to a guidance counselor,
or, on several occasions, to a therapist. Once she'd had to call in a
priest to forcibly exorcise the damned spirit of a 19th-century Afghan
warlord who demanded membership and the sacrifice of a goat.

It had not been a good day.

At the moment, the only thing that stood between Kyoko and a long,
warm soak in her redwood hot tub was a young man in carefully-selected
vintage clothing -- including a faded, failingly ironic "Mello-Yello"
T-shirt, tweed blazer and the kind of crumpled hat favored by old Jewish
men at the track in Sarasota. He smiled at her, lengthening the soul
patch beneath his lips.

A hipster, Kyoko thought, and sighed again.

"Hey there," the hipster said, as though he and Kyoko were old
friends. "So, you know, you and the Legion, you're up against Acton Lord
or somebody, and you're thinking... there's got to be an easier way to
do this. Am I right?"

He held up a colorful-looking smart phone.

"Well, now there is," the man said, looking excessively pleased with
himself. "I'm the AppMaster... and I've got an app for that!"

Deep inside the dark recesses of her soul, Kyoko Ishikawa felt
something growl...

--LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

"Hey, how are you doing?" said Kid Enthusiastic to Masterplan Lad.
They were standing in the infirmary, washing up (with Kid E standing on
a little stool to reach the sink). Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad was
sleeping off the cheesecake in one of the beds.

"I feel rather dizzy."

"Eh, that's just being written by different writers. You'll get used
to it in no time!"

"I hope not. I don't see how anyone on this world survives all the
cascades."

"But these kinds of round robin-y things are what makes the LNH the
LNH!"

"Well, then it's a shame I didn't end up in Omega. I'd take dark and
paranoiac over this any day."

"Your author's pretty dark and paranoiac a lot of the time these
days anyway. I'm glad he's not writing me! Although I guess he is now."
Kid Enthusiastic shuddered.

"Uh, you guys can get started with the cure thing any minute now,"
said WikiBoy, who was strapped to a table attached to a medical
tech.thingy.

"Sure thing! Just gimme a minute," said Kid Enthusiastic. He looked
at the readouts. "Huh, this is interesting..."

Suddenly, yet another door slammed open. A rather hipster-y young
man backpedaled through it. "Hey, hey -- if you wanted my digits, I
could've just snapchatted them to you!"

"That doesn't even make SENSE!" Kyoko Ishikawa stepped through,
holding her head as if in pain. Her fingernails had elongated, and her
skin was already beginning to turn a Dorfish green. "You're so STUPID!"

"Kyoko!" exclaimed Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. He leapt at her, but she
twisted out of the way and he crashed into a cabinet. Latex gloves,
talcum powder, and Organic Lass's copies of Dr. McCoy's autobiographies
(Leonard, Hank and Sylvester) fell on his head.

Masterplan Lad stepped between the Dorfifying receptionist and the
novice net.hero, wielding his umbrella-shaped Plot Device to parry her
claw-swipes. "Fly, you fool!"

"You don't have to tweet me twice!" AppMaster ran out the door [and
all the way out of the LNHQ, because this story already has enough
characters -- Footnote Girl].

"So STUPID and LAZY! Do you REALLY think I should have to track you
down EVERY TIME someone leaves you a package!?" She sent MPL's Plot
Device spinning across the room, and he did a Captain Kirk roll out of
the way. She turned and spied Kid Enthusiastic. "And YOU!"

"Aaaaaaa I said I was sorry about the chutney and the hollandaise
and the mutant butterflies!" Kid E jumped for the tech.thingy. He ripped
off the straps holding down WikiBoy's arm just before Kyoko grabbed him
and lifted him in the air.

"WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LEAVE REAL LEGOS ON THE PERIL ROOM FLOOR!?"

"Kyoko, I know you can fight th-- OW OW OW MY SPLEEN THOSE ARE CLAWS
OW"

"AND THEN YOU TOOK THE last slice... of okonomiyaki...
cheesecake..." She fell over, Wikiboy sitting behind her and holding out
his needle.thingy.

"Fascinating," said Masterplan Lad, sitting up. "It looks like
WikiBoy's Dorf cure temporarily knocks its subject out in order to
rebuild their body. It must not have done that to Doctor Stomper due to
the resistance he's built up over the years, testing his own
pseudoscientific formulas."

"yeah, that's great," said Kid Enthusiastic weakly. "um... you think
you could stop the bleeding?"

--LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

"Okay, okay," said Toony. By this point, Tasha had left, promising
to keep them updated about the scroll. "I've got the memory now. Doug
Moran. You responded to Marvel Zombie Lad's call for all net.heroes to
join in the fight against Doctor Killfile!"

"Exactly!" said Doug.

"But, as I recall, you were just some dork in an Iron Man costume!"

Doug raised one eyebrow. "And what is it that you're wearing?"

"This," Toony said, gesturing at his suit, "is a fully functional
suit of armor! It enables me to fly, shoot repulsive rays, the whole
works!"

"Pretty nice, pretty nice," Doug allowed. "But I've made significant
improvements on my original design. My armor does all the things yours
does and more!"

"Well, okay, fair enough," Toony said, "but don't come here saying
you invented the technology!"

"Wait, wait, enough with the comedy double-act for a second,"
Cynical Lass said. "If you were around back, then maybe *you* know the
woman List Lad was in love with."

"What?" said Doug, confused.

"List Lad is upset over something that happened during the LNH's
first adventure," Painful Pun Person explained. "Cherchez la Lass."

"Hmmmm," Doug said. "I didn't hear anything about this during the
Cosmic Plot Device Caper..."

"This was during the LNH's first encounter with the Dorfs," said
Toony.

"Oh!" Doug pounded his fist into his hand. "I might know something
about that."

"Really?" said Cynical Lass.

"Yeah, actually - Toony, it was you who mentioned it one time. I
made some corny crack about how LNHers never die, and you said that
wasn't true. But you wouldn't talk about it - except, after the battle,
I saw you looking at an old newspaper and muttering about Dorfs."

"I see..." said Poignant Death Lass.

"You must be mistaken," said Toony. "I don't remember anything about
anyone dying!"

On 12/5/21 4:11 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> She'd counseled several others to take their dreams and mad
> ambitions elsewhere -- to one of the smaller, newer super-teams that
> acted as a kind of minor league for the LNH,

I'm not sure if any of these have *ever* shown up in a story and I feel like
that's a shame.

> At the moment, the only thing that stood between Kyoko and a long,
> warm soak in her redwood hot tub was a young man in carefully-selected
> vintage clothing -- including a faded, failingly ironic "Mello-Yello"
> T-shirt, tweed blazer and the kind of crumpled hat favored by old Jewish
> men at the track in Sarasota. He smiled at her, lengthening the soul
> patch beneath his lips.
>
> A hipster, Kyoko thought, and sighed again.

A very of-the-time 2012 hipster, too. X3 I note this section was written by Rob,
and it's his signature superb social satire.

> "Well, now there is," the man said, looking excessively pleased with
> himself. "I'm the AppMaster... and I've got an app for that!"
>
> Deep inside the dark recesses of her soul, Kyoko Ishikawa felt
> something growl...

heeheeheeheehee

> "Your author's pretty dark and paranoiac a lot of the time these
> days anyway. I'm glad he's not writing me! Although I guess he is now."
> Kid Enthusiastic shuddered.

It's okay, James, I trust them. n.n

> Suddenly, yet another door slammed open. A rather hipster-y young
> man backpedaled through it. "Hey, hey -- if you wanted my digits, I
> could've just snapchatted them to you!"

Meanwhile, my characterization is less incisive and more silly. X3

> "Kyoko!" exclaimed Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. He leapt at her, but she
> twisted out of the way and he crashed into a cabinet. Latex gloves,
> talcum powder, and Organic Lass's copies of Dr. McCoy's autobiographies
> (Leonard, Hank and Sylvester) fell on his head.

More character shuffling, but I love that gag. X3

> "Aaaaaaa I said I was sorry about the chutney and the hollandaise
> and the mutant butterflies!" Kid E jumped for the tech.thingy. He ripped
> off the straps holding down WikiBoy's arm just before Kyoko grabbed him
> and lifted him in the air.
>
> "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LEAVE REAL LEGOS ON THE PERIL ROOM FLOOR!?"
>
> "Kyoko, I know you can fight th-- OW OW OW MY SPLEEN THOSE ARE CLAWS
> OW"

I feel like in a lot of previous stories I wouldn't have let him get hurt like
that, and I'm proud of moving forward~
> "Fascinating," said Masterplan Lad, sitting up. "It looks like
> WikiBoy's Dorf cure temporarily knocks its subject out in order to
> rebuild their body. It must not have done that to Doctor Stomper due to
> the resistance he's built up over the years, testing his own
> pseudoscientific formulas."

Throwing in some retcons to make different people's additions work. X3

> "Okay, okay," said Toony. By this point, Tasha had left, promising
> to keep them updated about the scroll. "I've got the memory now. Doug
> Moran. You responded to Marvel Zombie Lad's call for all net.heroes to
> join in the fight against Doctor Killfile!"
>
> "Exactly!" said Doug.
>
> "But, as I recall, you were just some dork in an Iron Man costume!"

Martin making things more boring again. XP

> Toony nodded. "Comics Snob Boy kept a library in his room, with a
> scrapbook of newspapers that had LNH-related headlines."
>
> "The LNHer who committed suicide?" Poignant Death Lass asked.
>
> Toony nodded. "We kept his room as it was. We didn't touch a thing.
> If he had a newspaper dating back to the LNH's first adventure, it
> should still be there."

This is a good plot device, tho. <3

> Seyfert took a breath and nodded. As the Defender of the Looniverse,
> he could request a boon from any of a number of cosmic beings -- but
> he'd have to repay it, one way or another. Depending on the being, it
> could be anything from "promote my cause" to "slay my enemies" to "get
> me a donut". (Even that last one wasn't as easy as it sounded, if the
> being was, say, Alt.lactus.)

Another joke of mine I love, especially since it fits so well with the
worldbuilding. X3

> "...?" Slickshiver undulated uncertainly, then snapped back with a
> cynical half-grin. "Shorty, you need a new style!"

Very much dates this. X3

> Seyfert shook his hands out as the glow faded. Slickshiver was a
> creature of music, and music had defeated her; specifically, a blast of
> TheyMightBePowers gifted to him by Size of the Entire Universe Man. He
> wondered what he'd have to pay for that. Well, it was supposed to be
> free if you called from work...

Another good reference. :3 I wonder if I'll ever follow up on this...

> "That's no coincidence," Irony Man said, locking the door behind
> them. "After Comics Snob Boy... after he took his own life... Occultism
> Kid placed wards around the room."
>
> "To preserve it? As a kind of memorial to Comics Snob Boy?" Poignant
> Death Lass asked.
>
> "That, and to keep Comics Snob Boy's spirit from coming back," Irony
> Man said.

Heeheehee

> "Well..." Moran said, scratching his helmet. "He could be...
> difficult. I'm not sure how to describe it. He was one of those people
> who makes a point out of going to see a movie as soon as it premieres,
> just so he can tell you how much he didn't like it."
>
> He sighed, picking up a copy of the thing that had brought them to
> Comics Snob Boy's room -- a scrapbook containing newspaper clippings of
> the LNH's early adventures. "But for all that, he was a good teammate."

I think this story may, like, double the amount of characterization CSB ever got. X3

> "Yes," he said, staring at the yellowed pages. "Yes. This is it. The
> secret to defeating the Dorfs once and for all."
>
> His gauntlets crackled, bathing the scrapbook in repulsive energy --
> and reducing it to ash in seconds.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

> "You want irony? Here's irony," Irony Man said, the components of
> his armor shifting and expanding with a sound almost indistinguishable
> from that of a TransFormer changing shape on the 1980s cartoon. The
> configuration that emerged was vast, bulky and chockablock with spiked
> protrusions, hooks, flying buttresses and more skulls and chains than
> Todd McFarlane could draw in a weekend.
>
> "The Dorf Empire has ravaged the cosmos for thousands of years,
> laying waste to the greatest warriors and most advanced weapons of a
> hundred civilizations," he said, his voice becoming a low, rumbling
> growl. "And the first time we are defeated is by a group of
> inexperienced teenagers who somehow stumbled upon our weakness."

This is *such* a cool moment. :D

> "And you are a fool," Hfffgrktt said, edging closer. "I put on the
> face of your comrade, and you led me right to the trove of his memories
> -- allowing me to destroy every morsel of information related to the
> defeat of our Empire. And now you've done the same with the only other
> copy of that information... and all without ever suspecting a thing!"
>
> "Actually, we've been questioning you and your motives from the very
> beginning," Cynical Lass said.
>
> "True," Hffgrktt said. "And yet here you are."
>
> "...Fair point," Cynical Lass conceded.

Heeheeheehee

> "Please," Hfffgrktt said. "You can barely control your rage as it
> is. It's the source of your powers. And exposing yourself to the rush of
> nicotine again has only made things worse -- especially if someone takes
> it away from you," he added, snatching Cynical Lass's pack of cigarettes
> from the pocket of her sweatshirt before the heroine could blink.
>
> "Give... those... BACK!" Cynical Lass growled, then shrieked in
> horror as her fingers began elongating into claws. "No... not my
> beautiful manicure...!"

This is a really good plan. :D

> "Thanks," Painful Pun Person said, kicking Hfffgrktt in the knee.
> The dull clang reverberated around the room.
<snip>
> Painful Pun Person held up her hands. "I'll tell you," she said.
> "But doing so will just ruin the dramatic iron knee."
>
> Hfffgrktt shrieked and dropped to the floor as something popped and
> buckled within his kneecap. Painful Pun Person scrambled for cover as
> repulsive blasts fired wildly around the room.