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arts / rec.arts.comics.creative / REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #3 out of 4: Cauliflower's Inferno

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o REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #3 out of 4:Arthur Spitzer

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REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #3 out of 4: Cauliflower's Inferno

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From: arspitz...@gmail.com (Arthur Spitzer)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #3 out of 4:
Cauliflower's Inferno
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2021 23:46:55 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Arthur Spitzer - Thu, 16 Dec 2021 23:46 UTC

This Holiday Special is brought to you by:

Self-Stomach Stapler: Now you can perform the expensive hospital
surgery to lose weight in your own home!

Torn-Crumpled-Up Wrapping Paper: Why wait till someone gets you a gift
to experience the joy of torn-crumpled-up wrapping paper? Now you can
buy torn-crumpled-up wrapping paper anytime!

CAULIFLOWER THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE POOCH

#3 (out of 4)

Cauliflower's Inferno

Irony Man observed the strange sight of two members of the LNH
attempting to feed cheesecake to Cauliflower.

"What on earth are you doing to that poor dog? What are you feeding him?"

"Umm, Liver and Tuna Fish Surprise Cheesecake?" Cheesecake Eater Lad
said with a sheepish expression. "But he likes it, really! Well, at
least he used to. We've been trying to get him to eat something."

"Yeah," the Incredible-Man-With-No-Life continued. "He hasn't been
eating or drinking anything. Not even eggnog."

"Not even eggnog? Damn! This sounds serious. How long has this been
going on?" Irony Man asked.

The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life thought about it. "Oh. About a week,
I'd guess."

"You should probably get him checked out by Organic Lass," suggested
Irony Man. "Oh, and have you tried feeding him Cauliflower?"

"Cauliflower?" The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life shook his head. "He
hates Cauliflower."

"Weird." Irony Man rubbed his chin. "A dog named Cauliflower that
doesn't like to eat Cauliflower. Hmm. There's a literary expression
for that sort of thing, but I can't remember off hand what it is."

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Organic Lass listened to Cauliflower's heartbeat with her stethoscope as
Cauliflower slept on one of her examining table. A variety of tubes and
wires were stuck into him.

"Well?" The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life asked Organic Lass as she
finished with her last test. "What's the verdict?"

"It's hard to say. But whatever it is, it's not good. He has a very
high fever; and various organs such as his liver, lungs, and kidneys are
starting to deteriorate. I don't know where to start since I've never
seen anything quite like this. My one guess though is that he might
have picked this up from that girl. You know? The one that had cancer,
but now is cured."

"You think she gave him this? She made him sick?"

"Well, I don't think she intended to if that's what you're asking. I'm
not sure about how Cauliflower's powers work, but I think he might have
made an attempt to cure the girl and in doing so might have absorbed her
disease into his own body. I've made a few calls to the hospital and
there are some similarities to the disease she had, and that Cauliflower
now has. But there are also differences. The disease Cauliflower has
seems to be even deadlier. This might be due to the fact that he's a
dog or maybe because of his powers."

"Do you think you can save him?"

"I'm not sure. I'm good with humans, cyborgs, mutants, but animals?
What Cauliflower really needs is to be examined by an expert in
veterinary medicine."

"So who's the best?"

"Well," Organic Lass said as she recalled someone from her past. "There
was this guy who I went to medical school with, actually we dated once.
He was probably one of the greatest minds in veterinarian science. He
might be tough to get though."

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The Net.Mexico Institute for the Criminally Inane *sic* --

A trenchcoated superhero escorted by a number of federal agents walked
through a corridor. On both sides of him were glass cages filled with
some of the lamest and most inane supervillains the Looniverse had ever
known.

He walked past a man in a bear suit jumping rope -- using threads of
conflict. He walked past a man wearing a diving helmet and a gorilla
suit who kept shouting, "CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!" over and over again. He
walked past a man in a labcoat covered in F's who seemed to be
attempting to perform surgery on his own brain. And finally he stopped
right at the cage of the man he needed to see.

In the cage was a man in a labcoat who was busy dissecting some kind of
rat. In the background he could hear Rex Harrison singing, 'If I could
talk to the animals'. This man went by the name Fred Shed, but to the
world outside? To the world outside (or at least to the people who care
about obscure third rate villains) he was known as...

.....VAPID VETERINARIAN!!!!

"Vell, Continuity Champ! Ve veet again!"

"Continuity Champ? I'm not Continuity Champ! I look nothing at all
like him! I'm Fearless Leader! Second in command of the LNH!"

"Vell zorry! Vafter vuvwhile you Zupers zart to look ve zame! Vand vhy
if you're named Vearless Leader var you zecond in command? Shouldn't
you ve named Vearless Zecond in Command?"

"Look!" said Fearless Leader starting to get a little bit irritated.
"If you knew my complex backhistory, you'd know that I have some valid
reasons for being named Fearless Leader. But I really don't have the
time right now to get into that! I'm here because the LNH has need of
your services. There's an animal that's very sick and we need a person
of your skills to look at him. The LNH is willing to pull some strings
to get you a Presidential Pardon if you're able to save him."

"Vah! Ve Vlot Vickens! Ve VelNH muzt ve dezperate if vey need vhy help
zo vadly! Vell you vhat, I'll zave vis vanimal if you give me Vifty
Villion Dollers vand Ve Prezidential Vardon!"

"Vifty Villion...! I mean -- Fifty Million Dollars! My God! Don't you
have a heart, Vapid Veterinarian!? Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle
Pooch is right now dying of some fatal disease and..."

"Vait! Did you zay, Caulivlower ve Christmas Viracle Vooch?!"

"Yes, Caulivlower -- I mean Cauliflower -- is dying and you're.."

"Vell vor Vahgnur's Zake, vhy didn't you zay zo in ve virst place! I'd
take a vullet ver that vurry vittle guy! He's vhy varorite VelNH'r!"
Vapid Veterinarian stood up from his chair. "Vell? Vhat var ve vaiting
vor? Vet's Zave Him!!!"

Fearless Leader a bit surprised at this sudden shift eventually got back
on track and said, "Umm, sure. You're right! Let's go!"

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The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life leaned back on a chair reading a
magazine. He was sitting next to a closed door, which on the other side
of held the brilliant minds of Dr. Stomper, Organic Lass, and the
supervillain Vapid Veterinarian. The three scientists were working hard
on saving Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch. And The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life waited. He had nothing else better to do.

"Hey, Incredible-Man-With-No-Life." said Special Bonding Boy in a
sympathetic voice. "How's it going in there? Have you heard anything?"

"Nah. Occasionally someone like Steak and Potatoes Man comes around and
delivers some food and occasionally one of them comes out and says that
they're making progress. But I don't know what's going on in there.
I'm just waiting."

"Well, I'm sure it's going to be okay in the end!" Special Bonding Boy
said trying to cheer The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life up a little bit.
"Look, there's this candle light vigil that we're going to be holding
tonight for Cauliflower. It's going to be at RAC Arthur Park. I
believe that President Hex Luthor is going to be there and give a
speech. I was wondering if you would like to go?"

"Thanks. I'd like too, but I don't know. I think I'll just stay here.
And wait."

"Well," Special Bonding Boy said as he gave The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life a pat on the shoulder, "If you change your
mind the vigil will start at 6PM. I just want you to know that
Cauliflower's in all our prayers. Well, see you." Special Bonding Boy
smiled as he waved bye to The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life

"Thanks again. Later." Before The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life could
return to his magazine he was interrupted once again.

"did you here the news?" said a blue skinned midget with a very high
voice who was wearing lots of armor, rings, and amulets.


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