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arts / rec.music.filk / Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"

Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"

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https://www.novabbs.com/arts/article-flat.php?id=14013&group=rec.music.filk#14013

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From: gar...@mcgath.com (Gary McGath)
Newsgroups: rec.music.filk
Subject: Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"
Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2023 09:58:34 -0400
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by: Gary McGath - Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:58 UTC

Windows Breaks Guitars
Lyrics: Gary McGath, Copyright 2023
Music: Dave Carroll, "United Breaks Guitars"

If you pass this song along, please include this note: This song doesn't
reflect first-hand experience; I don't play guitar or use Windows. At
recent Zoom filksings, some performers have found their guitars
mysteriously silenced, even though their voices come through fine. Zoom
settings alone don't fix it. The problem is reportedly a feature in
Windows 11, perhaps compounded by vendor-specific code. There is
supposedly a setting in Windows to turn this "feature" off, but I
haven't seen a step-by-step explanation of how to do it.

Several online forums discuss the issue, for example:
https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/all/windows-11-mic-recording-speaking-voice-but-not/0b35fe93-cf62-4409-8bc3-a1fdea0db132

I logged in to a filksing with my friends in Kamchatka
When my turn came around, I strummed a syncopated riff to prepare,
But in the chat a filker said I had a little problem,
"There's no sound from your guitar out there."

The bard and I exchanged a look, a sense of consternation
At the instrument's suppression, not knowing what the cause of it might be
So I sent a note to Microsoft and asked their tech support team,
Who showed complete indifference towards me.

Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
You broke my online guitar
Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
Some big help you are

You broke it, you should fix it,
Some "upgrade," just admit it
I should have got a Macintosh,
It's gone too far
Because Windows breaks guitars.

When I read the user forums, I confirmed what I'd suspected
Guitar sounds were the victims of the latest OS code from Microsoft
To suppress the background noises of weather, trucks, and babies,
At our instruments the coders also scoffed.

So to all the code designers, from San Jose to Redmond,
Who silenced our guitar sounds and say that's a feature we should love,
I heard all your excuses and I've chased your wild gooses
And I do not want this "upgrade" that you shove.

Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
You broke my online guitar
Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
Some big help you are

You broke it, you should fix it,
Some "upgrade," just admit it
I should have got a Macintosh,
It's gone too far
Because Windows breaks guitars.

Well, I can't say that I won't touch your OS again
Cause maybe to save my job I probably would
But that won't likely happen
And if it did, I'd keep a Linux backup
So you can't go and break it
Into a thousand pieces
Just like you broke my song
Because Windows breaks guitars.

Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
You broke my online guitar
Oh, Windows, oh, Windows,
Some big help you are

You broke it, you should fix it,
Some "upgrade," just admit it
I should have got a Macintosh,
It's gone too far
'Cause Windows breaks guitars.

--
Gary McGath http://www.mcgath.com

Re: Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"

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Subject: Re: Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"
From: tonnymik...@gmail.com (Tony Mike)
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by: Tony Mike - Mon, 21 Aug 2023 02:06 UTC

Subject	Author
Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"	Gary McGath
Re: Song: "Windows Breaks Guitars"	Tony Mike