THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet
PART TWO

"Zod, we've been failures in 2021.
For Clay, it's foretold, like father, like son.
I'm eating a lot and I weigh a gross ton,
And trolling on Usenet is no longer fun.

"Zod, my hemorrhoids are paining me greatly.
They're so big that even you wouldn't date me.
It feels like Zorro carved my ass with a Z.
Could you steal some Prep H from the Safe House pharmacy?

"If you can't steal any Prep for my rump
I'll have to squeal each time I take a dump,
You'll cop a feel 'cause my rump is so plump
If you can't conceal your zeal feel free to hump.

"When I was young, I'd pimp Sarah and Clay
Score me some hooch for the rest of the day,
I sold Kathy's cooch till that pooch ran away
So if you want my rump you're going to pay.

"One drum Derundo sold Sandy for kicks
Bought him a pair of gold-plated drumsticks,
Now every hour that ho's turnin' tricks
Chick makes a living from yankin' them dicks.

"Loho dumped Stink, so he bangs Dirty Mike
Never knew two pissbums so much alike,
Now when Loretta rides by on her bike
Stink shouts 'Ha ha ha!' and calls her a dyke.

"Zod,
I'm the master of the non-statement
So I always get in my two cents
Sort of like your old tent
and my words are lacking content.

"You can call him a fucking Douchebag
All his fat has started to sag
Don't you call his kid a fag
Benders made him a running gag.

"Zod,
High school was way too much effort for me,
and it took away time from my deep poetry.
Barfly said rhymes were just crutchery,
and he taught me to prey on the young and unwary.

"Zod! My main man! My stooge!
Let's get together! I'm no Scrooge!
You and I can have a slice of pizza pie
While you tell me that I rock!
Later, you can do the same for my cock.

"Zod, as you know, I still wet our bed.
I'm thinking of piling more hay in the shed
to soak up the runoff from the blue tarp bedspread,
but the piss does lend volume to my 'fro bedhead.

"Zod, you should dig a new hole in my yard;
It looks like a war zone, all pock marked and scarred.
No grass, like the head of Jean-Luc Picard,
and my book should be placed there for wiping die-hards.

"Zod,
Your erectile engineer career
has grown word-of-mouth among your peers.
Your client list includes some steers;
You're better than Sandy, and she has done deer.

"Hey Zod, my boy!
You bring me joy!
Your words of praise
Keep me going these days
Now tell me how great I am;
Let's not be coy.

"Zod, we Dockeries all go insane.
Brother Dave went -- my financial gain.
And we're born with such an addled brain
that I went to school with Ma's Great Dane.

"Donkey skips rope to:

"George J. Sulzbach
sitting on a river rock
sucking on my old socks,
dreaming of his cell block.

"A Donkey in mourning for $$:

"Zod, I have lost two meal tickets now:
first Ma, now Bro, my steady cash cows.
I'll certainly miss their checks and vow,
I'll pick up another mark -- slam, bam, pow!

"I dressed Brother Dave in my secondhand clothes
He didn't shave or shower, but that's how it goes,
He had fleas and lice from his head to his toes…
But f**k, this is Georgia, we all done got those.

"Without Brother Dave, I'll be losing my shed
His SSI check kept our bellies well fed,
The one thing I know is he's better off dead
Dave just wasn't the same once Zod bashed in his head.

"A Donkey is jealous of attention being paid to someone else:

"Zod, I'll write a living memorial
for myself because I'm Walmart authorial
or even a newspaper bio-editorial,
with my handsome face in a color pictorial.

"Donkey is enjoying the attention he's getting since Brother Dave bought the shed.:

"Zod, I'm retaining PJR as my lawyer.
He'll bitch slap and bullshit those baddy old forgers
who crapped on Dave's wall and then made me confer
with cops who accused *me* of neglecting my brother.

"That's right, I neglected my brother, they say,
So he sat in the truck while I ate the buffet,
It isn't my fault that he wanted to pay
I fed that boy Camels forty-eight times a day!

"Donkey welcomes casseroles:

"Zod, do you think that I'll soon have a stroke
or more likely arrested for stiffing townfolk
by not paying bills while steadfastly choking
down food from memorials that never were spoke?

"I'll always eat waffles or chocolate cake
I'm down for pot-brownies, all that you can bake
Some Parnello's pizza? You give and I'll take
Or send fifty dollars to buy me some steak.

"A Donkey justifies the FUBAR of his brother's memorial:

"Zod, I miss my brother's check.
He never played with a full deck,
but his cash let me churn out my dreck,
and his obit needn't be high-tech.

"You f*ck*d him up that night we stole
Those fitty bucks I done cajoled
From Jim, and when we took a stroll
You took a pipe and bashed his skull.

"I gotta say, that wasn't cool
We ate our steak, you gummed your gruel
But whackin' Dave was really cruel
Since then, he'd only sit and drool.

"So now you've no one left to bash
Our income's gone, a bag of ash
Is all that's left, ain't no more cash,
Dave's going out with last night's trash.

"A Donkey experiences Author Envy:

"Zod, I'm jealous they've published two books.
I could have done that, but Dance knows his crooks
and wouldn't be paid just through my fine good looks
on the cover and I'm stuck with one book for schnooks.

"The others won't publish me, why I don't know,
I write out-damn-stand-ing-ly, Zod tells me so --
They lie to my face when they tell me I blow
So I put on my clown shoes and holler "Zorroooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

"A Donkey considers a career on the stage:

"Zod,
We scattered my brother on cold Dowdell's Knob.
Without Dave's check, I'll now need a job.
Do you know any places that'll hire a slob?
I think I'd be perfect in Les Misérables.

"I'm too fat for Cats, and have never paid Rent
Chicago's all girls and they balked at my scent,
To do Book of Mormon, I'd have to repent,
But La Cage aux Folles would just be heavensent.

"Donkey envisions life without his brother:

"Zod,
I think I'm insane in the membrane
and my massive weight is causing sweat stains
on my old khaki pants where I ate the food chain
and Brother Dave left with my nice gravy train.

"We tossed Brother Dave off a convenient cliff
It's the least costly way to dispose of a stiff
While the open air setting is practical, if
I crap in my jeans, mourners won't get a whiff.

"I'm grateful for the attention you give!
It's part of what helps me to live!
I get so giddy when I see you comment!
It makes me want to come visit your tent!
How about this--I'll post some more crap,
You can respond and sit on my lap.
We'll troll and troll all through the day,
Until sleep takes our consciousness away.
You and me, George ol' boy, we're together always!
It's your posts that help my ego to graze.

"A Donkey makes hay while the sun shines:

"Zod, that Mallard is selling the photos
of Brother Dave's picnic and I want the dough
from the orders of reprints of the tag on his toe
before we goodbyed to the strains of banjos.

"Why should that slob use my image for free?
We know that it's me folks are wantin' to see.
I'm talented, popular, cute as can be…
Someone pass Dave's urn, cause I'm taking a pee.

"A Donkey gets a second opinion on the state of his health:

"Zod,
The vet says I'm healthy, doesn't care what I weigh.
Do you think he just wants me to go on my way
since I did smell strongly of Dave's old ashtray?
He said he will watch my bad cough and loud bray.

"He says I'm not fat, just 'more bigly' obese,
He don't say 'stop drinking,' he only says 'cease,'
He don't say 'stop eating,' he tells me 'decrease,'
I'm strong as a mule, don't need no health police.

"A Donkey scratches an itch:

"Zod,
How do I get a GoFundMe for life?
My meal tickets croaked like my runaway wife.
Where can I sell those three restaurant steak knives?
Thinking 'bout jobs makes my chest hair get hives.

"I mean who wouldn't fund a great artist like me?
I sing and I paint and write poety;
My cash cow dried up, and shed livin' ain't free…
I'll be tenting with you by the Chattahoochee.

"A Donkey ponders survival of the fittest:

"Zod, I could brew the coffee at Dunkin--
they don't care how many grades I was flunkin.
That I now have to work hasn't really yet sunk in,
but bagels and muffins give me highs like I'm drunken.