Warning: Yeah, yeah. Horrible Unpleasant Upsetting Stuff That No One Should Ever Read
-- but if you want to I'm not going to stop you. You've been warned.

'All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay'

(Oh! You Pretty Things)
-- David Bowie

"Is this thing on?" said Namer Boy looking to see if the floating cam.thingee's red light was
blinking. "Okay, okay." He looked straight into the cam.thingee. "And -- We're Back! It's
Season... ummm," Name Boy looked at his fingers and began to count them. "Three! No no, wait --
Four! Yeah, Four! Season Four of the Namer Boy: Documentary Project!

"And, okay, I know -- a lot of you have been really upset by how I haven't really appeared much in
the other seasons -- and BELIEVE ME I'm upset about it too! But I assure you this season will be
all about me and not all that other nonsense about conspiracy nuts, people suffering from
Namerboyuhneeen (or whatever), Charlie Sheen -- nope. None of that stuff. Just me and my
exciting, thrillin life. I promise.

"And also the USENETflix Lawyers wanted me to tell you all that it will be perfectly safe to view
as long you are watching it on an approved streaming service like USENETflix. Don't buy bootleg
VHS tapes on the street of this! Don't do it!! I'm not sure if any of those rumors about people
dying while watching bootlegs are true -- but just to be completely safe -- pay the (I dunno --
20? Really? It's that much? *Ahem*) Twenty bucks a month for USENETflix! Don't buy bootleg VHS
tapes! Don't do it! Okay, okay. I think that's enough of all that. Let's start this New Season
of the Namer Boy: Documentary Project!

"And I'm in this room -- one of the many, many Legion of Net.Heroes rooms in the LNH's
Headquarters. And what am I doing in this room?" Namer Boy paused as if to ponder that question
and finally, "Oh, right right right! I'm doing Inventory Duty. Yeah, inventory duty. So, you
see all these weird strange looking objects," Namer Boy gestured towards all the strange and weird
looking objects. "And it's my job to umm, well, let's just show you -- okay right here," Namer
Boy gestured to a barcode on one of the strange objects in the room. "That's a barcode. And so I
take my," Namer Boy took out his inventory.thingee, "Inventory.thingee and push this button and --
there! See that red light shining on the barcode? That goes into the system -- and it gets
counted. And that's how it's done. Pretty simple, right?

"As for stuff that should be in this room, but isn't because it's been misplaced or stolen --
well, that's someone else's problem. My job is to," but before Namer Boy could continue with that
though a basketball rolled by him. "What the...?"

"Hey, Namer Lad! Doing the inventory duty thing? Oh, what's this?" Bad Timing Boy said as he
looked at the floating cam.thingee. "Are we on TV? Hey, there everyone! Yeah, it's me -- the
coolest LNH'r ever -- The One, The Only..."

"No! No!! Bad Timing Boy! You shouldn't be in here!! You can't ever be in..."

"Relax, Namer Lad! Was just playing some basketball in the hallway and I think the ball slipped
its way..."

"You can't be in here! You can never be in here!! You know what this room is called, don't you?!
It's called The Bad Timing Boy (and Bad Judgment Boy) Can-Never-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-
EVER-Be-Allowed-Into-This-Room Room!!!!!!!"

"That's a lot of Evers -- but relax -- once I get the... oh, there it is!" said Bad Timing Boy
spotting the basketball. And before Namer Boy could stop him, he rushed over to the ball. But
before he could get to it -- his foot slipped on a banana peel causing Bad Timing Boy to fall.
But Bad Timing Boy (thanks to many years of training) managed to twist and contort his body so he
could grab at a lever on some strange device to avoid hitting the ground.

"Hah! That was close. Thought I was going to..." Bad Timing Boy started to say and then he
noticed that Namer Boy had a very troubled expression on his face and he turned around and looked
at the weird device that he had pulled the lever on. It had three Crystal Skulls on its top that
were starting to glow very, VERY red. Below the skulls were a bunch of weird red symbols that
were flashing away as if counting down to something. And it had this sinister sounding hum that
grew louder and louder. "Oh, that. Don't worry! I got this. Just need to..."

"Don't! Don't touch it!!" shouted Namer Boy as he tried to pull Bad Timing Boy away from the
object. But before he could, Bad Timing Boy managed to disconnect one of the wires.

"Hmm. Okay not that wire I guess," said Bad Timing Boy as the weird looking symbols flashed even
faster and faster.

And then...

There was a very, very loud burst. A massive crimson wave of light spread across the entire
Net.ropolis landscape and kept going and going. And various flying objects, planes, helicopters,
flight.thingees, Zeppelins made of processed food began to fall from the sky. And no one stopped
them. Some of them crashed into skyscrapers causing those buildings to burn. And no one stopped
that either. There were no fire engines or ambulances or police cars racing through the streets.

And other than the sound of crackling flames, there was just a dead silence that hung over
Net.ropolis for the longest time. And the sky became redder and redder. And the Sun above became
darker and darker.

And then Eleven Hours and Six Minutes later...

The corpses of Namer Boy and Bad Timing Boy began to twitch and lurch up from the ground. Namer
Boy started to shamble over towards the door, but tripped over Bad Timing Boy's basketball.

The BLOOD

Scrawled CRYSTAL SKULL

of the NAMER BOY

-- Documentary Project: SEASON Four #4

(Possibly an ELSEWHIRL? -- Okay... yeah probably one...)

Years later...

"Heeey There, Boys and Ghouls!" cackled what looked a bit like the rotting corpse of Kid Recap
popping up out of a coffin like a jack-in-the box on meth, "Yes, it's your ol' pal Kid Recap a
little worse for the wear! Those Darn Revampiric Bombs -- Oh, don't get me started! But now days
-- I like to call myself...

"The Crypto Currency RECAPPER!!!! Hmm? Crypto Currency -- you're wondering why that's still a
thing even though it looks like we're in some Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland? Yeah, I don't know
either. But hey, as they say, Buy the Dip! Or am I thinking Pry the Hip? Oh, well." The Crypto
Currency Recapper shambled his way over to an easy chair next to a treasure chest covered in
cobwebs and plopped his decaying body onto it. "Oh, I suppose you want me to recap something --
perhaps all that stuff that happened between the Revampiric Bomb blowing up Net.ropolis all the
way to me hawking Crypto Currency? And sure I'd love to do that -- but considering no one has
actually written a story about all that stuff -- CAN'T really recap it! I mean I suppose I could
recap all of the previous Namer Boy: Documentary Project Issues -- but I don't think that would
really help you understand this whole story better. Or perhaps I could," said The Crypto Currency
Recapper lifting up the treasure chests lid and revealing all kinds of shiny crypto, "Entice you
with a little WereDogeCoin! Sure to go all the way to the MOON (assuming it doesn't get like shot
with a silverbulletSECInvestigation)!

"No? Okay," he plucked out another piece of crypto, "How about this one -- BiteMeIt'sFunCoin? Or
maybe you're more of a fan of ITurnedIntoASatanicallyReanimatedCorpseAndAllIGotWasThisStupidCoin
Coin..."

But before The Crypto Currency Recapper could continue a number of incredibly well ripped pale
bald monks tumbled from the Crypt's very dark, shadowy stairs and surrounded him. Each one had a
black flail that that they were twirling around. They were waiting for someone. Someone who was
descending down the stairs in a righteous manner. A very pale looking man covered in a black
flowing robe. On top of his head was something that looked a bit like some Medieval Witchfinder
type hat. Held in one of his hands was what looked like a trident that was glowing red.

The Crypto Currency Recapper smiled as he recognized the man "Ooh! Speaking of Satanically
Reanimated Corpses -- it's our good buddy -- The Self-Righteous Preacher! Looking for some hot
sweaty crypto action? Perhaps some GotABugUpMyAssCoin?"

The Man who had once been the Self-Righteous Preacher winced a bit and then gave a foul glare, "Do
not call me that old dead name of that wicked sinner who I was before the glorious Revampiric Fire
Baptized my wretched human form so I could be turned into an instrument for The Dark Gods of The
Grave. And then scour the lands and spread the word so that others could be saved like me or
doomed if they so chose. I, The Righteous Inquisitor!"

On 10/27/22 1:10 AM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> Warning: Yeah, yeah. Horrible Unpleasant Upsetting Stuff That No One Should Ever Read
> -- but if you want to I'm not going to stop you. You've been warned.

You know, if it's Arthur saying it? Might be legit.

> "And, okay, I know -- a lot of you have been really upset by how I haven't really appeared much in
> the other seasons -- and BELIEVE ME I'm upset about it too! But I assure you this season will be
> all about me and not all that other nonsense about conspiracy nuts, people suffering from
> Namerboyuhneeen (or whatever), Charlie Sheen -- nope. None of that stuff. Just me and my
> exciting, thrillin life. I promise.

Well *finally*~! ``

> I'm not sure if any of those rumors about people
> dying while watching bootlegs are true -- but just to be completely safe -- pay the (I dunno --
> 20? Really? It's that much? *Ahem*) Twenty bucks a month for USENETflix!

Ugh... tape that kills you vs. increasingly less interesting and more
controlling streaming service... maybe I'll just rewatch Todd in the Shadows again.

> "Oh, right right right! I'm doing Inventory Duty. Yeah, inventory duty. So, you
> see all these weird strange looking objects," Namer Boy gestured towards all the strange and weird
> looking objects. "And it's my job to umm, well, let's just show you -- okay right here," Namer
> Boy gestured to a barcode on one of the strange objects in the room. "That's a barcode. And so I
> take my," Namer Boy took out his inventory.thingee, "Inventory.thingee and push this button and --
> there! See that red light shining on the barcode? That goes into the system -- and it gets
> counted. And that's how it's done. Pretty simple, right?

Gonna be honest, I unironically enjoy this crunchy stuff. X>

> "Relax, Namer Lad! Was just playing some basketball in the hallway and I think the ball slipped
> its way..."
>
> "You can't be in here! You can never be in here!! You know what this room is called, don't you?!
> It's called The Bad Timing Boy (and Bad Judgment Boy) Can-Never-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-Ever-
> EVER-Be-Allowed-Into-This-Room Room!!!!!!!"

XD XD XD Perfection.

> But
> before he could get to it -- his foot slipped on a banana peel causing Bad Timing Boy to fall.
> But Bad Timing Boy (thanks to many years of training) managed to twist and contort his body so he
> could grab at a lever on some strange device to avoid hitting the ground.
>
> "Hah! That was close. Thought I was going to..." Bad Timing Boy started to say and then he
> noticed that Namer Boy had a very troubled expression on his face and he turned around and looked
> at the weird device that he had pulled the lever on. It had three Crystal Skulls on its top that
> were starting to glow very, VERY red. Below the skulls were a bunch of weird red symbols that
> were flashing away as if counting down to something. And it had this sinister sounding hum that
> grew louder and louder.

Wwwwwwwwelp X3 X3 X3 <3 <3 <3

> There was a very, very loud burst. A massive crimson wave of light spread across the entire
> Net.ropolis landscape and kept going and going. And various flying objects, planes, helicopters,
> flight.thingees, Zeppelins made of processed food began to fall from the sky. And no one stopped
> them. Some of them crashed into skyscrapers causing those buildings to burn. And no one stopped
> that either. There were no fire engines or ambulances or police cars racing through the streets.
>
> And other than the sound of crackling flames, there was just a dead silence that hung over
> Net.ropolis for the longest time. And the sky became redder and redder. And the Sun above became
> darker and darker.

daaaaaaaamn

> And then Eleven Hours and Six Minutes later...
>
> The corpses of Namer Boy and Bad Timing Boy began to twitch and lurch up from the ground. Namer
> Boy started to shamble over towards the door, but tripped over Bad Timing Boy's basketball.

XD XD XD

> (Possibly an ELSEWHIRL? -- Okay... yeah probably one...)

:D <3

> "Heeey There, Boys and Ghouls!" cackled what looked a bit like the rotting corpse of Kid Recap
> popping up out of a coffin like a jack-in-the box on meth, "Yes, it's your ol' pal Kid Recap a
> little worse for the wear!

omfg XD That's perfect.

> -- I like to call myself...
>
> "The Crypto Currency RECAPPER!!!!

...oh, I get it, that's wonderfully terrible X3

> Crypto Currency -- you're wondering why that's still a
> thing even though it looks like we're in some Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland? Yeah, I don't know
> either.

X3 <3 <3 <3

> "Oh, I suppose you want me to recap something --
> perhaps all that stuff that happened between the Revampiric Bomb blowing up Net.ropolis all the
> way to me hawking Crypto Currency? And sure I'd love to do that -- but considering no one has
> actually written a story about all that stuff -- CAN'T really recap it!
Cuuuuuuurses X>

> "Entice you with a little WereDogeCoin!

XD XD XD

> "No? Okay," he plucked out another piece of crypto, "How about this one -- BiteMeIt'sFunCoin? Or
> maybe you're more of a fan of ITurnedIntoASatanicallyReanimatedCorpseAndAllIGotWasThisStupidCoin
> Coin..."

X3

> A very pale looking man covered in a black
> flowing robe. On top of his head was something that looked a bit like some Medieval Witchfinder
> type hat. Held in one of his hands was what looked like a trident that was glowing red.
>
> The Crypto Currency Recapper smiled as he recognized the man "Ooh! Speaking of Satanically
> Reanimated Corpses -- it's our good buddy -- The Self-Righteous Preacher!

Oh shit, that's perfect

> "Do
> not call me that old dead name of that wicked sinner who I was before the glorious Revampiric Fire
> Baptized my wretched human form so I could be turned into an instrument for The Dark Gods of The
> Grave. And then scour the lands and spread the word so that others could be saved like me or
> doomed if they so chose. I, The Righteous Inquisitor!"

Oh wow, this is extremely '60s British horror, I love it

> To save yourself from the
> Heresy of this Fourth Wall Breaking and other Ridiculous Foolishness Chaotic Anarchy so that you
> can finally be bathed in the Righteous Sublime of The One True Order!"

Neverrrrrr >:D

> The Righteous Inquisitor shook his head sadly. "So, it is Annihilation that you choose. Very
> well." He pointed the Trident in his hand at the grinning Recapper and a burst of crimson light
> consumed The Recapper's entire body. All that was left was black stain smoldering from The Crypto
> Currency Recapper's easy chair.

Dang!

> Another Sinner down.

Daaaaaaaaang!

> Cannon Fodder's eyes popped wide open and his heart was racing like crazy.

Oh, this is perfect. <3

> No, stop it. It's probably just a kiwi or an oozelfinch. It's no big deal. And even if it is
> something horrible that kills you -- you're Cannon Fodder! That's your power. To come back from
> the dead! Go and check it!
>
> But Cannon Fodder didn't move beyond pulling his sheets over his head. He didn't want to look
> below and see that horrible thing that was underneath him. He didn't want to do it. There was
> always one great fear that he would occasionally think about. What if he didn't come back? What
> if this was his last life?

yessssssss psychological exploration wonderful stuff

> It was horrible and nightmarish. It was a shivering man in clown make up (think The Tim Curry
> version of Stephen King's It) wearing a Freddy Krueger outfit clutching a flash light. "Coward
> Lad? Is -- is that you?"

omg

> And then it
> all came back to Cannon Fodder. There was no stopping the Revampiric Bomb from blowing up because
> it had already happened years ago. Two Thirds of everyone in Net.ropolis had died that day. The
> rest had transformed into zombies, werewolves, revampires, ghosts, witches, ghouls, goblins, or in
> Coward Lad's case a demonic bogeyman that could control people's nightmares. Like the Nightmare
> that he was currently in.

*Fascinating*. I love this idea. :o

> "Nononono! Can't leave here. Everything too too too spooky! C-Can't..."
>
> "Look, you don't want to stay under there. There's tons of spiders under..."
>
> "Spiders?!!!!" screamed Coward Lad as he quickly rushed out from under Cannon Fodder's bed.

X3

> "Yeah, spiders," grinned Cannon Fodder slightly. "Don't worry. Just stick with me and I'll
> protect you from all that." It was an absurd statement considering that of the two of them only
> Coward Lad had the power to control nightmares. But it didn't matter since he was afraid of those
> powers of his. He was afraid of everything

On Tuesday, November 1, 2022 at 9:11:19 PM UTC-7, Drew Perron wrote:
> On 10/27/22 1:10 AM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> <snip>

> > "Yeah, spiders," grinned Cannon Fodder slightly. "Don't worry. Just stick with me and I'll
> > protect you from all that." It was an absurd statement considering that of the two of them only
> > Coward Lad had the power to control nightmares. But it didn't matter since he was afraid of those
> > powers of his. He was afraid of everything
> That's so fricking perfect. It's so perfect I want to give him those powers in
> the main timeline. X>

Hmm. Don't think Coward Lad -- Lord of Nightmares would work. But you can try.

> > And they walked through this dream version of what was now The Headquarters. Not the Legion of
> > Net.Heroes Headquarters or even The Legion of Night Hellmasters Headquarters (as they decided to
> > call themselves for a week or so before they found that a bit too silly.)
> X3
> > But it was now The
> > Headquarters -- and this version was very orderly. There were no vanishing rooms and hallways.
> > Everything was where it was supposed to be -- and where it would always be.
> Oh, now *that's* fuckin' scary

Certainly scary for writers like myself.

Arthur "Thanks Part One.." Spitzer