And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

And here's where you can find more Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Cliche.Dude/

And here's where you can find LNH the series:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/LNH/

First Off we have Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #4 by Jef
"The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej! And we've made it past The
Electrocutioner's Song and now we're entering The Eve of
Collection! (well, at least this issue -- you can go to
the eyrie archive to read #5 -- and then be really disappointed
by how that's all you'll ever get!)

And Finally we have LNH v1 #11 by Martin Phipps! Wait! What
ever happened to LNH v1 #4-10?! Will we ever find out the
answer to that?! (Probably not.) And will Deja Dude and Kid
Kirby debate which Star Trek villain is the best Kirby ripoff?!
And will Deja Dude start referring to himself in the third person
and start saying stuff like, 'Deja HULK SMASH!!'?!

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #284

=====================
Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #4 and LNH v1 #11
=====================

Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #4
-------------------------------
"What Price, Victoria?"

******************************************************************************

"Run! Run for your damn life!!", thought David Cassidy.

It is dark, and the streets are empty. There is no sign of life. No drunks.
No hookers. No cops. Just huge brick buildings. David turns to see a dark
menacing cloud closing in on him. He scans ahead to an alleyway. Figuring
that he could lose his predator here, David makes a quick left turn.

As David passes by some garbage cans, he tips them over in hope that this
may slow his pursuer down. He again turns and sees that the mess he had
created his not slowed the cloud. Up ahead, he can see a lit car, on the
other side of the alley. David is tired from running, but with his last ounce
of energy, he speeds up in hope of salvation.

"The light. If I can get into the light, whoever it is can see me. I have to
do it."

25 feet. He can make out the make of the car. 20 feet. He can see it is
a police car. 15 feet. There are two cops inside it. If he yells from
here, he would be heard, and they will run out to see what is going on.

With his last gasp of breath, he starts to bellow out a cry for help, but
runs into a plastic field, which starts to surround him. He screams as
loud as he can, but he can see no reaction from the police. He tries to
move but finds himself encased in plastic. Suddenly, he is unable to
move his body at all, and is frozen in time.

The dark cloud looms over his prisoner. A hand from the cloud grabs the
plastic, and pulls it into the cloud.

"Oh goody. I now have a complete collection of the Partridge Family. Now
to work on my Failed Television Series Actors from the 70's collection."

The dark cloud dissipates, along with its contents.

******************************************************************************

"You may have killed off the rest of the Legion, Ninja, but I will avenge...
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

A loud rip can be heard as the Ultimate Ninja slices thru The Incredible
Man Who Has No Life with his Ginsu Katana Blade. With a small grin, the
Ultimate Ninja looks about him. Lying in the middle of a football field
lays a fallen LNH. Even though he personally killed them all, he is unable
to tell who some of them are, because of the way he mangled their bodies.
In the stands, a lone figure stands up and hits the timer on the stopwatch.

"3.4 minutes. Not bad, for a beginner."

Refusing to take any bad remarks after killing off his friends, the Ultimate
Ninja turns, and with a fist of Ninja Bush, he leaps at the other figure.

"You had be better careful what you say little man."

"Just Chill Man. Now it is my turn. Computer, run Z program 1."

In a low chilling voice, the computer responds, "Z program activation
in three minutes."

Z, leader of the Z-Team and member of the secret organization known as the
Intelligencia, gathers his two machine pistols, and walks down to one end
of the field. When he arrives at one goal post, he checks both his laser
sightings and GOD clips, to make sure all was set. He stared down to
the other end of the field, waiting for the program to run. Z tightens his
grips on his guns as the moment approaches.

Suddenly, at the other end of the field, about one-hundred ninjas appear,
ready to slaughter anything in their path. Quickly, Z raises both of his
pistols, at let loose a barrage of bullets. In groups of four and
fives, the ninjas fall down as they attempt to get closer to their quarry.

Z cries out at them, "Here it is, boyz!"

At about mid-field, a few of the ninjas throw some shruikens at Z, but miss
while either being shot, or trying to avoid getting shot. Around the thirty
yard line, the last of the ninjas were finally taken down.
Stopping the stop watch, the Ultimate Ninja checks the time. With a frown on
his face, the Ultimate Ninja turns to Z.

"Well, you did it in 1.8 minutes. I am impressed, to say the least."

"Thanks. You are not too shabby yourself, but you really have got to learn
some other moves, or even better, get a gun."

The Ultimate Ninja and Z grab all of their equipment and leave the
Peril Room.

*******************************************************************************

Hearing a knock on his door, Sig.File Man wipes the tears from his eyes, and
sees who it is. He opens the door to find List Lad standing there with a
copy of Tantalizing Teens #1 in his hands.

"I guess we were wrong about the Tantalizing Teens. I am sorry that you were
put through this mental anguish."

In total joy, Sig.File Man grabs List Lad and gives him a hug. Hoping that
no would see them this way, List Lad quickly tries to get free of Sig's
crushing hug.

"You do not know what this means. It means that my life was not a lie. I did
live those moments, and so did SideKick Man and Cliche Dude. Wait a moment.
Did anyone mention this to him?"

"Err, no."

"Good. He is already heartbroken that SideKick Man was really an evil robot."
"Yeah. I heard about that. I'm sorry that your friend was really a machine."

"I guess that is just the biz. Being a super-hero does not mean stability.
You know something. I'm going over to see what The Incredible Man Who Has
No Life is up to."

"Well, whatever. I have to go back and finish the new Roster. I promised it
would be a Christmas present, so I better do that before the rest of the LNH
lynches me."

"Good idea."

******************************************************************************

A ding of an elevator is heard as its doors open. Cliche Dude and Halls Jordan
walk out of the elevator with Cliche's belongings that they took from the
Legion of Net Heroes HeadQuarters. They consist of two suitcases and one
cardboard box.

"I'm glad that you live very light, Cliche. I was afraid that we would have
to make several trips to the LNHQ. The last person I let stay with me had 4
suitcases and 10 boxes worth of stuff. It took up at of space in my condo."

"I was taught at a young age just to keep the things that you need. I know
people who spend big bucks on comics, which sit around, and are rarely seen.
It is a waste. Anyways, I never knew you lived in such a nice place. I'm
impressed.

"Thanks. This is my place right here."

Halls pulls out his keys, and opens the door. When Cliche walks in, his jaw
drops to the ground.

"I don't believe it."

"What?"

"Your condo looks exactly like the one Dolph Lundgren had in 'I Come In Peace'."

"For your information, this is the apartment that they used in the film."

"It is? But didn't they trash it?"

"Nah. They brought in props and broke them instead."

"Cool. Why did they choose your place, though?"

"Being a big-time super-hero, you get to know all of the important people. I
even met the president once. Hold on for a moment, let me check for messages
on the answering machine. Oh, and by the way, your room is down the hall,
first door to the right."

"Thanks."

As Cliche brings his suitcases into his room, Halls checks the machine for
new messages.

"Halls, this is Jill. You haven't talked to me in the past couple of days.
Give me a ring when you get the chance, Ok?"

On 4/30/23 5:08 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> First Off we have Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #4 by Jef
> "The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej! And we've made it past The
> Electrocutioner's Song and now we're entering The Eve of
> Collection!

Oh, I get that reference X>

> And Finally we have LNH v1 #11 by Martin Phipps! Wait! What
> ever happened to LNH v1 #4-10?! Will we ever find out the
> answer to that?! (Probably not.)

Oh dear. X>

> "Run! Run for your damn life!!", thought David Cassidy.

Oh, interesting.

> "The light. If I can get into the light, whoever it is can see me. I have to
> do it."
>
> 25 feet. He can make out the make of the car. 20 feet. He can see it is
> a police car. 15 feet. There are two cops inside it. If he yells from
> here, he would be heard, and they will run out to see what is going on.

Damn, this is actually some really good tension.

> The dark cloud looms over his prisoner. A hand from the cloud grabs the
> plastic, and pulls it into the cloud.
>
> "Oh goody. I now have a complete collection of the Partridge Family. Now
> to work on my Failed Television Series Actors from the 70's collection."

X3

> "You may have killed off the rest of the Legion, Ninja, but I will avenge...
> AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
>
> A loud rip can be heard as the Ultimate Ninja slices thru The Incredible
> Man Who Has No Life with his Ginsu Katana Blade. With a small grin, the
> Ultimate Ninja looks about him. Lying in the middle of a football field
> lays a fallen LNH. Even though he personally killed them all, he is unable
> to tell who some of them are, because of the way he mangled their bodies.
> In the stands, a lone figure stands up and hits the timer on the stopwatch.
>
> "3.4 minutes. Not bad, for a beginner."
<snip>
> At about mid-field, a few of the ninjas throw some shruikens at Z, but miss
> while either being shot, or trying to avoid getting shot. Around the thirty
> yard line, the last of the ninjas were finally taken down.
>
> Stopping the stop watch, the Ultimate Ninja checks the time. With a frown on
> his face, the Ultimate Ninja turns to Z.
>
> "Well, you did it in 1.8 minutes. I am impressed, to say the least."

This whole thing about making him The Biggest Badass is a Lot. X> I guess it's
trying to go in a "buddy comedy" direction, tho, that could've worked.

(There's also a line I snipped about Z being a member of "member of the secret
organization known as the Intelligencia", who knows what's going on there)

> Hearing a knock on his door, Sig.File Man wipes the tears from his eyes, and
> sees who it is. He opens the door to find List Lad standing there with a
> copy of Tantalizing Teens #1 in his hands.
>
> "I guess we were wrong about the Tantalizing Teens. I am sorry that you were
> put through this mental anguish."
>
> In total joy, Sig.File Man grabs List Lad and gives him a hug. Hoping that
> no would see them this way, List Lad quickly tries to get free of Sig's
> crushing hug.

D'awwwwww. <3 Good good, glad he followed up on this.

> I'm sorry that your friend was really a machine."
>
> "I guess that is just the biz. Being a super-hero does not mean stability.

Yeah, valid o3o

> "Well, whatever. I have to go back and finish the new Roster. I promised it
> would be a Christmas present, so I better do that before the rest of the LNH
> lynches me."

Awwwwww. X>

> "I was taught at a young age just to keep the things that you need. I know
> people who spend big bucks on comics, which sit around, and are rarely seen.
> It is a waste.

Interesting backstory for Cliche Dude. (It could potentially fit with the
"raised by a pack of wild golden retrievers" backstory Jeanne came up with. X>)

> "Being a big-time super-hero, you get to know all of the important people. I
> even met the president once.
<snip>
> "Halls, this is Jill. You haven't talked to me in the past couple of days.
> Give me a ring when you get the chance, Ok?"
>
> "Mr. Jordan, this is Net.Roplios Savings Bank. We are currently missing your
> current payment on your credit card. Please get in contact with us. Thanks."

I believe this is what you'd call dramatic irony. X>

> A lone figure stands alone in what looks to be in an abandoned ware-
> house. He looks around, pointing at a couple of the walls, as if he is
> counting spaces. After he is done, he spreads his arms out, and quickly
> claps them together. In an instant, technology beyond mortal men appears.
> Cryo-tubes, advanced computers, and other unknown machinery occupy the wall
> space.

oooooooh ahhhhhhhh. The power of video game crafting. :o

> The beginning figure then swings his cape around to reveal his image. Standing
> on a soapbox, it is revealed that the Fan.Dom of the Alt.Ra is in charge here.

Then he starts singing a villain song about how great he is!

> "I WILL OWN ALL THAT CAN BE OWNED. FIRST, I WILL HAVE ALL ITEMS EVER CONNECTED
> WITH TELEVISION. WITH THAT, I WILL CONTROL THE FAN MARKET. FROM THERE, I WILL
> EXTRACT MY REVENGE AGAINST REBEL YELL. I WILL NOT EXCEPT DEFEAT!! I WILL
> BE THE NEXUS FOR ALL FANDOM CAUSE I AM THE FAN.DOM!!!"

See?

> Cliche is stunned to see that the man behind the desk is the television
> actor, Larry Hagman.

Definitely an Idolon. n.n

> "What does the letters P.S. stand for?"
>
> "I am what they call a mail investigator. I do work for the postal service
> tracking down chain letters, wrong addresses, and other duties.

*tries to figure out the joke here*

> Larry places the receiver back onto the phone, and scoots his chair over
> the computer terminal that sits next to the desk. He types for about
> a minute on his keyboard, and a face appears on the screen. It is the face
> of the Ultimate Ninja.

GASP!

> The beginning of the Eve of Collection...

Dun dun dunnnnn-- wait a minute, this isn't just a reference to the once-popular
but forgotten 60s protest song Eve of Destruction, it's also a reference to the
weird right-wing-ish answer song Dawn of Correction? Being a Gen Xer was weird,
it seems. X>

> Legion of Net.Heroes -- Deja HULK

Okay, let's see what this is.

> Kid Kirby smiled. "I got the idea while watching Star Trek.
> Which reminds me: if the Doomsday Machine were to face the
> Crystal Entity, who would win?"
> Deja Dude pondered. "The Doomsday Machine, definitely."
> Kid Kirby nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." He shrugged his
> shoulders. "Of course, they're both cheap imitations of
> Galactus as created by the great Jack Kirby!"

Wow, this is so not Kid Kirby's voice. X>; Also, not... really? In any
meaningful way?

> "Well, Kirby's characters tend to be a bit larger than life."
> "And what's wrong with that?" Kid Kirby asked towering above
> Deja Dude.
> "Nothing, really," said Deja Dude. "It's just that ordinary
> people like myself look insignificant in comparison."

Says the guy who made an author avatar that can literally do anything???

> Kid Kirby took a fit! "NO, YOU FOOL!" He went to deactivate
> the machine. "Deja, you've been bombarded with gamma radiation!"
> Deja Dude shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't feel anything."
> "Deja, you shouldn't do that!"
> "Oh? And what about people who deliberately go out on a hot
> summers day, exposing themselves to ultraviolet radiation?"
> Kid Kirby shook his head. "Just because they're stupid doesn't
> mean *you* have to be stupid too!"

So many of these interactions have the texture of talking to someone online who
thinks they're winning an argument that you're not even having. x-x;

> Deja Dude wiped cheesecake from his face. "It was Kid Kirby: he
> kept going on about how great Jack Kirby was."
> "Jack Kirby IS great!" Kid Kirby insisted.
> "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I thought I'd play a joke on him."
> "By subjecting yourself to gamma radiation?" Kid Kirby asked,
> appalled.
> "No," said Deja Dude, "by unplugging your device and then using my
> you've-seen-this-before powers to make you think it had activated!
> Pretty funny, huh?"
>
> Kid Kiby and Plot King are not amused.

Me either. X>

Drew "don't wanna complain too much so will probably skip a fair amount of the
LNH v1 ones" Nilium

On 10/4/23 2:53 PM, Drew Nilium wrote:
> On 4/30/23 5:08 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip it all!>
Also, I did read Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #5, and I was, in fact, frustrated
that this is all we'll get. X>

Drew "but so it goes in the LNH" Nilium