LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #293: The Flame Wars Part Four

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

And here's where you can find The Flame Wars as well as other
LNH Crossovers:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/

And it's The Flame Wars Again! (The first of a number of Flame Wars
Crossovers that are also called Flame Wars)!

We have The Flame Wars #4 by Jef "the KaTeFan" Kolodziej! Is it time
for the LNH to beat the brains out of their brainwashed teammates?!
Is it time for Marvel Zombie Lad to finally awaken?! And will
Background Boy sit in a comfy chair while eating some microwaved
popcorn?!!!

Find out in...

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|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #293

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The Flame Wars Part Four
=====================

CHAPTER FOUR

by Jef the KaTeFan (v129j6ed@ubvms.bitnet)

"Fight a Little Fight"

"Surrender or suffer the consequences!" shouted Cliche Dude.
"Remember, they are our brainwashed teammates, so be careful
when you beat their brains in. Are you all ready?" Organic Lass
asked of her half of the LNH.
"Let's do it," they all replied in unison.
Puzzled by their response, Organic Lass looked back and asked,
"You guys sure you're not part of the Marvel_Zombie Lad clones we
fought in the Electrocutioner's Song?"
Curiously, Myk-El responded, "Do you need a reality check?"
Remembering the last time she was given a reality check by
Myk-El, she quickly dropped the question.

"What do you think they're going to do?" Parking Karma Kid
asked.
"Obscure Trivia Lad is not sure," added Obscure Trivia Lad.
"Obscure Trivia Lad really finds it hard to believe that someone
like Fuzzy was able to be brainwashed by the Speculator. Well,
maybe Obscure Trivia Lad is wrong, and should just shut up, huh?"
"Good idea," PK Kid said. "Now what are we going to do?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
HHHHHH!!!!!!"
"Marvel_Zombie Lad, what's wrong?" Cliche Dude said, noting the
look of anguish on MZL's contorted face.
An aura surrounded MZL as he fell to the ground, writhing in
pain. As he lifted his head, his teammates were shocked to see a
mask covering his face. A deafening, resounding thud
reverberated around the heroes.
"I HAVE AWAKENED," bellowed MZL, in a voice that was not his.
"I KNOW WHAT MUST BE DONE!"
The LNHers watched in amazement as a motorcycle appeared
before MZL, who hopped onto the cycle and drove it up to the
other LNH group.
"O grate!! Hee finks hee iss stil inn hiss onn booc," said Typo
Lad. "Lokk owt Ori!"
Typo Lad managed to grab Organic Lass and pull her from the
path of the oncoming motorcycle. As MZL passed by, he
outstretched his fist, nailing Fuzzy in the chest. Contraption
Man leaped at MZL, trying to knock him off of his ghostly wheels
of flaming death, but careened into a bunch of numbers which
suddenly appeared next to MZL, bouncing him back to the ground.
"They want to play hardball, huh? Well, let's get them," said
Myk-El.
"I'll take care of MZL," added Lurker Lad.
Lurker Lad faded from sight as the rest of his team ran up
to fight the other LNHers. MZL downshifted to turn his flaming
motorcycle around, to make another charge. Before he could turn
around totally, MZL felt something hit him in the back of the
head. With his spiked glove, he swung around the air, as if
trying to hit something invisible, and found no target.
Myk-El dove at Parking Karma Kid, forcing him to the ground.
They grappled each other, but neither was able to take control.
Spelling Boy approached Typo Lad, pulling out of his pocket the
ACME expandable blackboard, along with chalk and an eraser.
Giving a piece of chalk to Typo Lad. Typo Lad began to write on
the board. His first word on the board was "HHII". Instantly,
Spelling Boy whipped the eraser across the chalkboard, removing
the excess letters.
Cliche Dude, not wanting to fight a physical battle, decided to
employ his unlikely power.
"Duck!" he yelled.
Before he could react, Contraption Man was hit with the cliche,
and knocked to the ground. Not wanting to deal with all of his
cliches, Contraption Man rifled through his pockets and produced
a small device, holding it firmly in his hand. Cliche Dude,
seeing his foe rise from his last volley, shouted out another
cliche.
"Freeze!"
Cliche Dude was knocked backwards as he realized that
Contraption Man was holding his Vocal Bouncing Doodad.
Obscure Trivia Lad, figuring that Fuzzy could not handle the
amount of useless information that OTL can feed in a minute,
began reciting the entire list of writers in the Screen-Writer's
Guild. Fuzzy reeled in pain as the informational assault forced
him to his knees.
Fuzzy then covered his ears and concentrated. Suddenly, OTL
spouted out only the most common first names of the
Screen-Writer's Guild. Unsure what to do, OTL backed away as
Fuzzy began removing his gray belt.
As they battled, no one noticed Background Boy sitting down,
in a comfy chair, eating some microwaveable popcorn.
"Where are you?" Marvel_Zombie Lad said. "I may not know where
you are exactly, but I can make you suffer! I swear, I'm going to
....."
Before MZL could finish his threat, Lurker Lad lurked behind
MZL,
giving him a king-sized wedgy. Unprepared for the unusual
assault, MZL fell to the ground, reverting back to his original
form.
As OTL backed away, Fuzzy grabbed OTL with his belt in one
hand,
holding up his pants with the other.
"I could use some help here," OTL shouted with terror in his
tone.
Seeing OTL overpowered by Fuzzy, Cliche Dude let loose with a
harsh cliche in Fuzzy's direction.
"Look out!" he hollered.
Unprepared for this sneak attack, the cliche smacked Fuzzy
square in the head, knocking him unconscious.
Returning the favor, OTL spouted another bit of useless data at
Contraption Man, the list of people who actually like Liefeld's
work. Contraption Man was caught off guard and dropped to the
ground. The two attackers congratulated themselves, unaware that
the body of Parking Karma Kid was hurling toward them, thrown by
an enraged Myk-El.
The force of the three-hero collision sent them reeling into
the next frame, almost hitting Background Boy, who sat eating a
TV dinner.
Meanwhile, Spelling Boy and Typo Lad waged a war of words. On
one side of the chalkboard, Typo Lad had a list of misspelled
words, while Spelling Boy corrected each word in a column to his
right. The list read:
HHII HI
SSTOPP STOP
IDEIT IDIOT
SSCUMM SCUM
SSSLAPP SLAP
PUNNCHH PUNCH
KIC KICK
CAROTE KARATE
PHITE FIGHT
KAPTERD CAPTURED
BRANNWASSHD BRAINWASHED
"Yes, I know you are brainwashed," pointed out Spelling Boy.
"Noo. U r," screamed Typo Lad. "Da Colecter sed zo."
"Wait a sec. You're telling me that *we're* the ones are
brainwashed? That's what the Speculator told us about you.
Whoa!" Spelling Boy said.
Spelling Boy blew a two-fingered whistle loud enough to wake
all the unconscious battle participants, and force Background Boy
to hurriedly put on ear-plugs for the time being.
"Hey guys," shouted Spelling Boy. "We've been had, by both the
Collector and the Speculator."
"What? First 10 percent of the LNH disappears - possibly
murdered - then we are split up in battle, told the other team is
brainwashed, fight, and then find out that we were lied to?"
asked Organic Lass.
"Very good. Thanks for the plot summary," said Sarcastic Lad.
"Now all the readers have wasted their time getting to this
point!"
"Shhhh," Organic Lass said. "Well, what are we going to do
about it? Anybody got any ideas?"
"Iv jot ann ida," said Typo Lad.
Gathering in a circle, Typo Lad began to reveal his plan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leafing through the latest Ridiculously OverpricedStreet price
guide, the Speculator scribbled down all the issue numbers to
every single book anywhere in the TALES OF THE LNH that
introduced a new sidekick for each LNHer.
Beginning with Captain Clean-Up's sidekick, Squeaky Clean, the
Speculator heard a knock at the door. Placing the price guide in
a stasis field, he opened the door, finding two members of UCDS
(United Comics Delivery Service) holding up a huge package.
"UCDS. He have a package for a Mr. Speculator."
"Oh, goody. What is it?"
"Im sorri ser. Wee r knot priviligged wif dat infourmashun."
"Don't I know you from somewhere?"
"Noo ser. I juss startd werkink yesturday. Pleese sighn
heer."
"Ok. Ok. Give me the pen."
The Speculator quickly scribbled down his name, hoping to see
what prize awaited him, and in no time at all, pulled off the
wrapping.
"Oh, I love it. It's a lifesized doll of Cliche Dude. Do you
know how many are out there?"
"I don't have a clue."
"Hmm. I should check to see if it is for real."
The Speculator pulled out his Package Displacing Widget. To
the
surprise of the UCDS workers, the package was suddenly displaced
a few feet away from them, while leaving the inside contents in
front of them, so that there was no proof that the package had
been opened, and the contents, still in "mint condition".
"ILOVEIT!!ILOVEIT!!ILOVEIT!!ILOVEIT!!ILOVEIT!!ILOVEIT!!"
Eager to touch it, the Speculator slowly brushed his hand along
the face of the doll.
"SURPRISE!!!" yelled the now animated Cliche Dude.
The Speculator, taken by surprise, fell back into the wall,
knocking himself unconscious.
"Yes, we did it!", shouted Parking Karma Kid, removing his fake
outfit. "Alright, let's bring him along with us and visit the
Collector."
"We have captured both the LNH and the Speculator. Can you let
us
in?" asked Marvel_Zombie Lad through the intercom system that the
Collector had set up.
"Please enter," said a monotone, throaty voice from the
intercom.
The door swung open and five figures in chains dragged the body
of the Speculator into the Collector's fortress, while five other
figures kept them in line. They walked to the main hall where
they are surprised to see endless rows of comic book boxes,
stacked to the ceiling.
"You have done very well, my friends," the Collector said.
"Bring them along."
The LNH followed the Collector into his dungeon and laboratory.
"Obscure Trivia Lad has always wanted to see what a dungeon was
like," said Obscure Trivia Lad.
"I bet you wouldn't want to stay here, though," said Myk-El.
"This is my Interrogation Room," said the Collector. "Please
come in."
As the Collector entered the room, he found himself suddenly
unable to move. As the LNH followed, they too were almost
ensnared by Contraption Man, who held the Collector at bay with
his Kinetic Energy Holder Object.
"Look!" said Fuzzy, pointing to a body floating in immobile in
the air.
"That's Pointless Death Man, all right," said Doctor Stomper.
"Okay, before we decide to leave you in here and have Rob
Liefeld
do drawings of you, you better tell us all that you know about
the
disappearance of 10 percent of the LNH," threatened Cliche Dude.
"NO!! Don't let HIM draw me!!" yelled the Collector. "I'll have
goofy hairstyles and missing body parts and huge thighs! Both the
Speculator and I had two different Insanity Gems. I had the
Origin Gem, while the Speculator had the Cover Gimmick Gem."
"However, we sold them for the only existing copies of
the early issues of the 'Cosmic Plot-Device Caper', which were
thought lost during the 2 and 1/2 month gap," said the Collector.
"The gems went to the planet Manonegro. We sold them to ...
His eyes focussed on something behind the LNHers. "No! Please
don't kill me!"
The LNH turned to find Pointless Death Man standing behind them
with an Atomic Disintegrator. Before they could react, he fired
at both of the former owners of the Insanity Gems. Their death
screams filled the room as the LNH tried to grab PD Man.
Unfortunately, before they could reach him, he touched a finger
to his nose and promptly disappeared.
"Look. He left a piece of paper on the ground," said Fuzzy.
"Let me see that," said Cliche Dude, who began reading the note
out loud to his teammates.`
"Dear LNH, I have just given you the shaft. I hope you are
angry as I think you will be. I shall have my revenge on you,
provided you survive the hazards that await you on Manonegro.
Sincerely, Pointless Death Man."
"I guess we're going to Manonegro," said Myk-El.
"Oooh, now *there's* a real vacation spot," snapped Sarcastic
Lad.
"Can it, Sarc! Alright, everybody outside and into the
Collector's space cruiser," ordered Organic Lass.
"Eyv gut e bab fealing aboqt thls," said Typo Lad. "E rele bab
fealing ..."