Butterflies float
With petals and feathers
In every note
Of your voice. In its tenor -
Nectarine, white,
Full of light, full of sky -
There is delight -
And I will not ask why
Sometimes your voice
Shimmers like a bright star -
Sometimes it's close
Sometimes it's far
Sometimes I hear in it
Rivers and streams
Sometimes I see in it
Passions and dreams
Sometimes it crests
Like a wave in a sea
Sometimes it nests
Like a bird in a tree
Sometimes it rings
Like a vanishing bell
Sometimes it sings
As if casting a spell -
Sometimes it flings
Like a lasso, ensnares
Prey. Or grows wings
And then flies everywhere -
Sometimes it drops
Like a leaf from an oak
Sometimes it stops
Like a belltower clock
Sometimes it wafts
Like a sweet summer breeze
Or like a raft
It floats over the seas -
Sometimes I feel it
Caressing my ear
Holding me in it
Drawing me near.
Sometimes I glimpse
What your voice holds within
When it so seems,
I can fully glean
Its warmth and softness
Its passion and peace
Then I am lost in
The most perfect bliss.

By Ilya Shambat
https://sites.google.com/site/ibshambatpoetry

There are a lot of wonderful moments in this one... and a few clunkers.

But first, you really need to lose those end-line hyphens. They compromise your work by making it appear as though the author is a hack who doesn't know the difference between an em dash and a hyphen.

On Friday, November 18, 2022 at 6:08:02 PM UTC-5, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
> Butterflies float
> With petals and feathers
> In every note
> Of your voice.

The opening passage is almost sickeningly sweet -- but I'm a sucker for cornball sentiment. I would place a semicolon after voice as the following lines are a continuation of the same thought.

> In its tenor -
> Nectarine, white,

I've no idea what a nectarine (or even a white) tenor would be, but it's the perfect word for a beautiful woman's voice.

> Full of light, full of sky -
> There is delight -

Even if these lines ended with em dashes (like proper lines of poetry), placing two in a row is always unsightly. There's really no reason for an em dash (or any other form of punctuation) to follow sky. If you feel that some punctuation is needed there, I wouldn't go for anything harder than a comma. No punctuation is needed after delight.

> And I will not ask why

There should be a period after why.

To punctuate a poem, one only needs to think of the poem's lines in prose form: Butterflies float with petals and feathers in every note of your voice; in its tenor, nectarine, white (full of white, full of sky), there is delight and I will not ask why.

Then take one step back (commas become unpunctuated, colons become semicolons, etc.) wherever possible:

Butterflies float
With petals and feathers
In every note
Of your voice;
In its tenor
Nectarine, white,
Full of light, full of sky
There is delight
And I should not ask why.

Note how the lines look cleaner (flow more smoothly to the eye) without too much end punctuation cluttering them up.

> Sometimes your voice
> Shimmers like a bright star -
> Sometimes it's close
> Sometimes it's far
> Sometimes I hear in it
> Rivers and streams
> Sometimes I see in it
> Passions and dreams
> Sometimes it crests
> Like a wave in a sea
> Sometimes it nests
> Like a bird in a tree
> Sometimes it rings
> Like a vanishing bell
> Sometimes it sings
> As if casting a spell -
> Sometimes it flings
> Like a lasso, ensnares
> Prey. Or grows wings
> And then flies everywhere -

If we look at each line beginning with "Sometimes" as a new thought, then the end punctuation for each should (usually) be the same:

Sometimes your voice
Shimmers like a bright star,
Sometimes it's close
Sometimes it's far.
Sometimes I hear in it
Rivers and streams,
Sometimes I see in it
Passions and dreams,
Sometimes it crests
Like a wave in a sea,
Sometimes it nests
Like a bird in a tree,
Sometimes it rings
Like a vanishing bell,
Sometimes it sings
As if casting a spell,
Sometimes it flings
Like a lasso, ensnares,
Prey. Or grows wings
And then flies everywhere,

The only word in the above that seems out of place is "Passions." One does have the impression of sight in dreams, but how does one see a passion (much less see anything in it)? For now, let's plug in "Visions," but since that's not much different than "dreams," you might want to seek out a better word.

> Sometimes it drops
> Like a leaf from an oak
> Sometimes it stops
> Like a belltower clock

The above four lines are awkward ("oak" and "clock" don't rhyme -- and following on the heels of the previous near-rhyme of "ensnares" and "everywhere," it gives the impression that the poet is running out of steam). And the idea of the woman's voice stopping like a clock is... odd. I strongly suggest deleting all four.

> Sometimes it wafts
> Like a sweet summer breeze
> Or like a raft
> It floats over the seas -
> Sometimes I feel it
> Caressing my ear
> Holding me in it
> Drawing me near.

Punctuated as:

Sometimes it wafts
Like a sweet summer breeze
Or like a raft
It floats over the seas,
Sometimes I feel it
Caressing my ear,
Holding me in it,
Drawing me near.

The penultimate line (above) should be changed. "Holding me in it" can be misread to appear that the voice is holding the poet inside his own ear. More importantly, "Holding me in it," is not a very poetic turn of phrase. How about something like this?

Touching me, holding me
Drawing me near.

> Sometimes I glimpse
> What your voice holds within
> When it so seems,
> I can fully glean
> Its warmth and softness
> Its passion and peace
> Then I am lost in
> The most perfect bliss.

This last passage needs a lot of work. "Glimpse" (visual) doesn't really apply to a voice. Nor does the poet specify *what* the voice holds within. The concept that something exists inside of a beautiful voice sounds almost spiritual... but warmth, softness, passion, peace and bliss are of a sensual nature (the first four being more motherly than romantic). I'm guessing that the poet is delving beyond the physical beauty of his beloved's voice to hear the hints of loving, caring, and nurturing that come through (and in doing so, discovering that she loves him), but the sentiment could be expressed much more clearly.

> By Ilya Shambat
> https://sites.google.com/site/ibshambatpoetry