aadaab, dosto!

ek Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apni raae se navaaziye.

Ghazal

kyaa kareN tan ko libaasoN meN chhupaane vaale
noch lete haiN ridaa sar se zamaane vaale

zaat-e-nisvaaN kii taraqqii kaa uThaate haiN savaal
shab-e-taareek meN beTii ko jalaane vaale!

taaj iimaan hai aur taKht dharam hai jin kaa
aaj ban baiThe haiN mazhab ko bachaane vaale

likh ke sau jhuuT vuh ik sach ko badal sakte haiN
jin ke qabze meN hoN aKhbaar chalaane vaale

aur jo bhii hoN, chaman.saaz nahiiN ho sakte
sahn-e-gulshan se gul-o-barg churaane vaale

kyaa miTaayeNge kisii ko yih, magar mumkin hai
Khud hii miT jaayeN muhabbat ko miTaane vaale

ek ik zarre se phuuTegii kiran suuraj kii
yaad rakkheN yih chiraaGhoN ko bujhaane vaale

in se laazim hai ki muhtaat raheN ahl-e-vatan
maahir-e-makr haiN yih Khvaab dikhaane vaale

Khud hii laRnaa hai masaai’b se tujhe ai :Abid:
terii qismat ke sitaare nahiiN aane vaale

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

On Sunday, April 10, 2022 at 1:47:39 PM UTC-5, Irfan Abid wrote:
> aadaab, dosto!
>
> ek Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apni raae se navaaziye.

aadaab Irfan sahib,

Thank you so much for sharing this ghazal, yeh bilkul hasb-e-Haal hai. As I have said previously, you have the rare gift of being able to translate your feelings, even the intense ones, into beautiful poetry. A true blessing indeed.

> Ghazal
>
> kyaa kareN tan ko libaasoN meN chhupaane vaale
> noch lete haiN ridaa sar se zamaane vaale

Irfan sahib, sabhii asha'ar bahut Khuub haiN, magar yeh matlaa yaqiinan Haasil-e-ghazal hai. It is impactful as a stand alone she'r, and sets the perfect tone for the couplets that follow.
> zaat-e-nisvaaN kii taraqqii kaa uThaate haiN savaal
> shab-e-taareek meN beTii ko jalaane vaale!

How true! I can actually quote recent examples of such happenings, sad. I often tell my friends that we need to raise our sons differently, we need more men to be 'feminists'.

> taaj iimaan hai aur taKht dharam hai jin kaa
> aaj ban baiThe haiN mazhab ko bachaane vaale

True again, across all religions.

> likh ke sau jhuuT vuh ik sach ko badal sakte haiN
> jin ke qabze meN hoN aKhbaar chalaane vaale

Ahhhh, the 'alternate facts', and the folks who buy them.

> aur jo bhii hoN, chaman.saaz nahiiN ho sakte
> sahn-e-gulshan se gul-o-barg churaane vaale

> kyaa miTaayeNge kisii ko yih, magar mumkin hai
> Khud hii miT jaayeN muhabbat ko miTaane vaale

Now the ghazal has taken a positive turn, nice.

> ek ik zarre se phuuTegii kiran suuraj kii
> yaad rakkheN yih chiraaGhoN ko bujhaane vaale

Hopeful. :)
> in se laazim hai ki muhtaat raheN ahl-e-vatan
> maahir-e-makr haiN yih Khvaab dikhaane vaale

If only people would heed such warnings....

> Khud hii laRnaa hai masaai’b se tujhe ai :Abid:
> terii qismat ke sitaare nahiiN aane vaale

Irfan sahib, since I first read this maqtaa, I have had an issue with the last misraa.
I realize you are constrained by the qaafia, but I just can't digest "qismat ke sitaare aane vaale".

"qismat ke sitaare chamakne vaale" yes, but "aane vaale" ??

Will you please try to convince me why this works, and if not, what could be the alternative here?

> niyaazmand,
> Irfan :Abid:

Thanks again for sharing this powerful ghazal. I am so glad you are a part of this group, we are all so much richer for it.

________Zoya

On Saturday, April 16, 2022 at 4:44:28 PM UTC-4, Zoya wrote:
> On Sunday, April 10, 2022 at 1:47:39 PM UTC-5, Irfan Abid wrote:
> > aadaab, dosto!
> >
> > ek Ghazal pesh-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apni raae se navaaziye.
> aadaab Irfan sahib,
>
> Thank you so much for sharing this ghazal, yeh bilkul hasb-e-Haal hai. As I have said previously, you have the rare gift of being able to translate your feelings, even the intense ones, into beautiful poetry. A true blessing indeed.
> > Ghazal
> >
> > kyaa kareN tan ko libaasoN meN chhupaane vaale
> > noch lete haiN ridaa sar se zamaane vaale
> Irfan sahib, sabhii asha'ar bahut Khuub haiN, magar yeh matlaa yaqiinan Haasil-e-ghazal hai. It is impactful as a stand alone she'r, and sets the perfect tone for the couplets that follow.
> > zaat-e-nisvaaN kii taraqqii kaa uThaate haiN savaal
> > shab-e-taareek meN beTii ko jalaane vaale!
> How true! I can actually quote recent examples of such happenings, sad. I often tell my friends that we need to raise our sons differently, we need more men to be 'feminists'.
> > taaj iimaan hai aur taKht dharam hai jin kaa
> > aaj ban baiThe haiN mazhab ko bachaane vaale
> True again, across all religions.
> > likh ke sau jhuuT vuh ik sach ko badal sakte haiN
> > jin ke qabze meN hoN aKhbaar chalaane vaale
> Ahhhh, the 'alternate facts', and the folks who buy them.
> > aur jo bhii hoN, chaman.saaz nahiiN ho sakte
> > sahn-e-gulshan se gul-o-barg churaane vaale
>
>
> > kyaa miTaayeNge kisii ko yih, magar mumkin hai
> > Khud hii miT jaayeN muhabbat ko miTaane vaale
> Now the ghazal has taken a positive turn, nice.
> > ek ik zarre se phuuTegii kiran suuraj kii
> > yaad rakkheN yih chiraaGhoN ko bujhaane vaale
> Hopeful. :)
> > in se laazim hai ki muhtaat raheN ahl-e-vatan
> > maahir-e-makr haiN yih Khvaab dikhaane vaale
> If only people would heed such warnings....
> > Khud hii laRnaa hai masaai’b se tujhe ai :Abid:
> > terii qismat ke sitaare nahiiN aane vaale
> Irfan sahib, since I first read this maqtaa, I have had an issue with the last misraa.
> I realize you are constrained by the qaafia, but I just can't digest "qismat ke sitaare aane vaale".
>
> "qismat ke sitaare chamakne vaale" yes, but "aane vaale" ??
>
> Will you please try to convince me why this works, and if not, what could be the alternative here?
>
> > niyaazmand,
> > Irfan :Abid:
>
> Thanks again for sharing this powerful ghazal. I am so glad you are a part of this group, we are all so much richer for it.
>
> ________Zoya
>

Zoya sahiba, aadaab!

Thank you so much for granting this humble attempt of mine your seal of approval!

Regarding your question about the maqta', I had no reservation about using the phrase "sitaare aane vaale" as it's common in Urdu poetry to personify non-living things and using verbs with them that are normally used with humans. However, to address your concern, I have an example from an authority on Urdu poetry, Mr. B. S. Jain 'Jauhar.' Jauhar sb was a disciple of Seemab Akbarabadi and a prominent Urdu poet and writer. Here is a she'r by him.

dunyaa ke havaadis ne itnaa paamaal kiyaa ham ko 'Jauhar'
bachne kii koii ummiid na thii, qismat ke sitaare aa pahuNche

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

On Sunday, April 17, 2022 at 12:37:44 PM UTC-5, Irfan Abid wrote:

> Zoya sahiba, aadaab!
>
> Thank you so much for granting this humble attempt of mine your seal of approval!

aadaab arz hai Irfan sahib,

Sorry for the delay in responding, I have just had too much going on lately.
> Regarding your question about the maqta', I had no reservation about using the phrase "sitaare aane vaale" as it's common in Urdu poetry to personify non-living things and using verbs with them that are normally used with humans.

You didn't? I agree with the general statement you have made above, however........

However, to address your concern, I have an example from an authority on Urdu poetry, Mr. B. S. Jain 'Jauhar.' Jauhar sb was a disciple of Seemab Akbarabadi and a prominent Urdu poet and writer. Here is a she'r by him.
>
> dunyaa ke havaadis ne itnaa paamaal kiyaa ham ko 'Jauhar'
> bachne kii koii ummiid na thii, qismat ke sitaare aa pahuNche

Irfan sahib, this doesn't cut it for me. Jauhar sahib ke is she'r ko paRh kar to mujhe yuuN lagaa k jaise 'qismat ke sitaare' nahiiN balke 'yamduut' aa pahuNche! :-))

You will have to come up with some more examples to convince me fully on this.

> niyaazmand,
> Irfan :Abid:

_______Zoya