Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.

Thank you for showing me around.

Invasion

“All hail the king!
Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
Even I, as I report I am... ”
Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.

Happy Anniversary,
The Queen sent for you!
Excuse me, Your Majesty

-Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
>
> Thank you for showing me around.
>
>
>
> Invasion
>
>
>
> “All hail the king!
> Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
>
> I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
>
> Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
>
> Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> Even I, as I report I am... ”
> Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
>
>
> Happy Anniversary,
> The Queen sent for you!
> Excuse me, Your Majesty
>
> -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)

Friends, Romans, Countrymen?

Other than that, I'm a lost Yank.

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
>
> Thank you for showing me around.
>
>
>
> Invasion
>
>
>
> “All hail the king!
> Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
>
> I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
>
> Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
>
> Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> Even I, as I report I am... ”
> Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
>
>
> Happy Anniversary,
> The Queen sent for you!
> Excuse me, Your Majesty
>
> -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)

This I found pleasantly amusing...

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:31:55 AM UTC-8, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> >
> > Thank you for showing me around.
> >
> >
> >
> > Invasion
> >
> >
> >
> > “All hail the king!
> > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> >
> > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> >
> > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> >
> > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> >
> >
> > Happy Anniversary,
> > The Queen sent for you!
> > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> >
> > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> Friends, Romans, Countrymen?
>
> Other than that, I'm a lost Yank.
Open to your interpretation.

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> >
> > Thank you for showing me around.
> >
> >
> >
> > Invasion
> >
> >
> >
> > “All hail the king!
> > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> >
> > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> >
> > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> >
> > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> >
> >
> > Happy Anniversary,
> > The Queen sent for you!
> > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> >
> > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> This I found pleasantly amusing...
Thank You, means alot

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
>
> Thank you for showing me around.
>
>
>
> Invasion
>
>
>
> “All hail the king!
> Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
>
> I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
>
> Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
>
> Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> Even I, as I report I am... ”
> Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
>
>
> Happy Anniversary,
> The Queen sent for you!
> Excuse me, Your Majesty
>
> -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)

Interesting poetry, welcome to the group.

🙂

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > >
> > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Invasion
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > “All hail the king!
> > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > >
> > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > >
> > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > >
> > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > >
> > >
> > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > >
> > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> Thank You, means alot

I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
This line:
"I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
"I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"

I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > >
> > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Invasion
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > >
> > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > >
> > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > >
> > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > >
> > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > Thank You, means alot
> I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> This line:
> "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.

On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:11:01 AM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > > >
> > > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Invasion
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > > >
> > > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > > >
> > > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > > >
> > > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > > >
> > > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > > Thank You, means alot
> > I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> > This line:
> > "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> > in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> > "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> > I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.
> On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.

Interesting take. I would had never saw it that way since I pay no attention to the royalty...

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:39:28 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:11:01 AM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> > On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Invasion
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > > > >
> > > > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > > > Thank You, means alot
> > > I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> > > This line:
> > > "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> > > in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> > > "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> > > I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.
> > On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.
> Interesting take. I would had never saw it that way since I pay no attention to the royalty...

I'm half English, it's my duty.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:11:01 AM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > > >
> > > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Invasion
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > > >
> > > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > > >
> > > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > > >
> > > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > > >
> > > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > > Thank You, means alot
> > I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> > This line:
> > "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> > in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> > "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> > I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.
> On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.

I can't make any sense of it.

Is "Moores" a misspelling, or a reference to someone named "Moore"?

The Moors didn't rise to prominence until 500 years after the fall of Sparta, nor did ancient Greece have Duchies.

Unfortunately, nothing about the poem interests me enough to pursue the matter any further.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:46:37 AM UTC-5, michaelmalef...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:11:01 AM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> > On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Invasion
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > > > >
> > > > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > > > Thank You, means alot
> > > I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> > > This line:
> > > "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> > > in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> > > "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> > > I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.
> > On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.
> I can't make any sense of it.
>
> Is "Moores" a misspelling, or a reference to someone named "Moore"?
>
> The Moors didn't rise to prominence until 500 years after the fall of Sparta, nor did ancient Greece have Duchies.
>
> Unfortunately, nothing about the poem interests me enough to pursue the matter any further.

That's a wrap.

On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
>
> Thank you for showing me around.
>
> Invasion
>
> “All hail the king!
> Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.

"Your honour" is what you call a judge. Address a king as "Your majesty."

> The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
>

What does this mean? Are they invading the creek, and are all in it? Or, have they crossed the creek (that's a boundary), and are now in the king's territory? If the latter, used, "crossed" the creek, or (if you want to keep "all in") have invaded your territory (or some more poetic word, invaded the "realm" or whatever).

> I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your [majesty!]
> I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
>

This is all OK, but it sounds like stuff I've read before, and there's not much to raise it above all the other instances. There is one line I found very good: "Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour".. I'd give you a plus for that.

But, then, I'd immedately balance it out with a minus for "now full-fledged marauder per hour". "per hour" doesn't tell us anything -- the only thing it could mean is that the bloodshed is continuous, and one would expect that in an invasion -- the only reason for it being there is as a forced rhyme for "devour" (which is really silly, in a poem that doesn't rhyme anyway).

> Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury

I can't decide if "joggling" is a spelling mistake, or a creative use of language; so I'll call that a wash.

> Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.

Henry, Michael, and all the rest? I guess you mean "Moors" -- but where did they come from, when it's the Spartans who've invaded? Even if the Moors did somehow capture the "queens" (just how many of those are there?), they wouldn't become "matrons" (the female equivalent of patrons) in the Moorish court.
>
> Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your [majesty]
> Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> Even I, as I report I am... ”

> Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
>
> Happy Anniversary,
> The Queen sent for you!
> Excuse me, Your Majesty

I find that a cheap, disappointing ending. Like watching a TV show and then being told, at the end, that it was all a dream. Were I the king, your head would have left your body for that.
>
> -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)

Thank you very much for sharing your poem with us. We don't get enough of that, so I'd like to acknowledge you, thank you again, and encourage you to share more with us in the future.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:46:37 AM UTC-5, michaelmalef...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 9:11:01 AM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> > On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 8:49:15 AM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:40:02 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 7:37:38 AM UTC-8, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > > > > On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > > > > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Thank you for showing me around.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Invasion
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > “All hail the king!
> > > > > > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> > > > > > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > > > > > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!
> > > > > > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > > > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > > > > > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > > > > > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > > > > > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> > > > > > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > > > > > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > > > > > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your honour
> > > > > > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > > > > > Even I, as I report I am... ”
> > > > > > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Happy Anniversary,
> > > > > > The Queen sent for you!
> > > > > > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> > > > > >
> > > > > > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
> > > > > This I found pleasantly amusing...
> > > > Thank You, means alot
> > > I've been rereading so to figure the mysteries of your piece...
> > > This line:
> > > "I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your honour!"
> > > in my opinion, you need a more dramatic/forceful word for "pressured" to match the dramatic words of the lines following it:
> > > "I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour"
> > > I assume you were implying pressured as in stressed to the point of getting ready to fight or stampede.
> > On further reads, I'm getting Prince Harry, the media and the Royals all wearing tarnished crowns.
> I can't make any sense of it.
>
> Is "Moores" a misspelling, or a reference to someone named "Moore"?
>
> The Moors didn't rise to prominence until 500 years after the fall of Sparta, nor did ancient Greece have Duchies.
>
> Unfortunately, nothing about the poem interests me enough to pursue the matter any further.

It wasn't the Moors. It was the Moops.

On Monday, January 23, 2023 at 1:27:53 PM UTC-5, george...@yahoo.ca wrote:
> On Sunday, January 22, 2023 at 10:24:30 AM UTC-5, olatund...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Good day everyone, I wrote a poem recently..... I would not mind an assessment and conversation about it.
> >
> > Thank you for showing me around.
> >
> > Invasion
> >
> > “All hail the king!
> > Pardon me for barging into your honour’s chamber.
> "Your honour" is what you call a judge. Address a king as "Your majesty."
> > The Spartans have invaded the creek, all in.
> >
> What does this mean? Are they invading the creek, and are all in it? Or, have they crossed the creek (that's a boundary), and are now in the king's territory? If the latter, used, "crossed" the creek, or (if you want to keep "all in") have invaded your territory (or some more poetic word, invaded the "realm" or whatever).
> > I mean, sir! The deserts are flooded with blood.
> > I am afraid, the natives are panting like pressured bulls, your [majesty!]
> > I do not know, but the seedlings are now giants with discord
> > Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour
> > The once innocent, now full-fledged marauder per hour
> >
> This is all OK, but it sounds like stuff I've read before, and there's not much to raise it above all the other instances. There is one line I found very good: "Bulging eyes, yearning, ranting, nagging in readiness to devour". I'd give you a plus for that.
>
> But, then, I'd immedately balance it out with a minus for "now full-fledged marauder per hour". "per hour" doesn't tell us anything -- the only thing it could mean is that the bloodshed is continuous, and one would expect that in an invasion -- the only reason for it being there is as a forced rhyme for "devour" (which is really silly, in a poem that doesn't rhyme anyway).
> > Songs of praise to the king are far-flung a dead memory
> > Dukes, whose beards swept dirt off your sandals in your honour,
> > are patrons of the Spartans’ camp, joggling with their armoury
> I can't decide if "joggling" is a spelling mistake, or a creative use of language; so I'll call that a wash.
> > Sadly, your majesty, your throne is no more yours.
> > And your queens are now matrons of the ugly Moores.
> Henry, Michael, and all the rest? I guess you mean "Moors" -- but where did they come from, when it's the Spartans who've invaded? Even if the Moors did somehow capture the "queens" (just how many of those are there?), they wouldn't become "matrons" (the female equivalent of patrons) in the Moorish court.
> >
> > Oops! I forgot, blood spluttered from your princes’ heads
> > as fierce soldiers mock their remains, your [majesty]
> > Your Princesses, Mistresses on Spartans' beds
> > Even I, as I report I am... ”
>
> > Forgive me, my king, that was my rehearsed speech for the banquet play.
> >
> > Happy Anniversary,
> > The Queen sent for you!
> > Excuse me, Your Majesty
> I find that a cheap, disappointing ending. Like watching a TV show and then being told, at the end, that it was all a dream. Were I the king, your head would have left your body for that.
> >
> > -Olatunde Olooro (Aare Onigedu)
>
> Thank you very much for sharing your poem with us. We don't get enough of that, so I'd like to acknowledge you, thank you again, and encourage you to share more with us in the future.

Good read....