On Monday, September 18, 2017 at 4:20:48 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:
> On Monday, October 1, 2007 at 3:06:25 PM UTC-4, Karla wrote:
> > >On Sep 30, 12:59 pm, Karla <karl...@sbcNOSPAMglobal.net> wrote:
> > >> On Sun, 30 Sep 2007 09:49:33 -0700, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca>
> > >> wrote:
> > >>
>
> > >> >Hallows
> > >> >------------
> > >>
> > >> George, is this to be read as song lyrics?
> >
> > I was trying to understand why the poem was so
> > sloppy. If you didn't intend a sonnet, it would make sense.
> >
> > >> It has 14 lines and occasional
> > >> rhyme - not really a sonnet, right?
> > >
> > >
> >
> > Here I am reading what appears in some ways to be a sonnet (14 lines)
> > but in other ways doesn't adhere to the sonnet form. Now, if you were insincere
> > in your "C&C" request as posted, let me know. I won't take anymore time trying
> > to help it be a good poem
> >
> > >> If you intended a sonnet, besided the
> > >> lack of rhyme, the meter is off in several places:
> > >>
> > >>
> snip
> > >
> > >> >high on the sugar taken by threats of harm
> > >>
> > >> This doesn't scan.
> > >>
> > What I mean by saying that your line doesn't scan is that it doesn't scan as iambic pentameter. You've illustrated that:
> >
> > Dactyl / Trochee / Trochee / Iamb / Iamb.
> >
> >
> > >> >we'd chant at every door -- but there was no fear
> > >>
> > >> This doesn't scan.
> > >>
> >
> > Iamb / Iamb / Anapest (but arguably Iamb if the "er" is swallowed) / Anapest / Iamb.
> >
> > >
> > >> >for we played out ritual games of long-ago darks
> > >>
> > >> This doesn't scan.
> > >>
> > Anapest / Iamb / Anapest / Iamb / Anapest.
> >
> > >> >when noxious, flesh-bound demons walked, who'd kill
> > >> >or maim at whim; those who would flee their rule
> > >>
> > >> This doesn't scan.
> > >
> >
> > Iamb / Iamb / Trochee / Iamb / Iamb
> >
> > >> >confined like sheep, asleep behind bars and locks.
> > >>
> > >> This doesn't scan.
> > >
> > >con-FINED / like SHEEP / a-SLEEP / be-hind BARS / and LOCKS.
> >
> > Iamb / Iamb / Iamb / Anapest / Iamb
> >
> > >> >parent and child stay locked within their home
> > >>
> > >> The last line above doesn't scan.
> > >
> >
> > Trochee / Iamb / Iamb / Iamb / Iamb
> >
> > Glance over what I've assigned (it's not set in stone btw) and tell me why I
> > wouldn't question if the poem is a sonnet.
> >
> 10 years later, it's worth revisiting the "assignment". Back then, Karla's role as a "respected poet" of rec.arts.poems was to tell newbies how to write, and as a newbie my role was to listen to and follow their advice -
> the roles we played out in this thread in 2007. So of course I couldn't tell her, because that would have meant telling her she didn't know what she was talking about, and that would have not been following the rules of the day.
>

Jerk store!!!

Hee-haw!!!