I fall, completely open,
As though born anew,
Into the light - and hope
Into the good - and true.

Drinking into my spirit
Treacle of trails - and trees,
Vanquishing every fear and
Blessing the bliss - and breeze.

Looking in strangers' faces
With an enlightened smile,
With angels trading places
To be them for awhile,

Basking in timeless sunshine -
Standing, head full of stars -
Feeling galactic passion -
From here - and to Mars;

Looking at women dancing
Seeing their spirits bloom
Evening and night romancing -
Universe! I'm your groom!

I have become a poet.
That means, I'm in love
With everything I know, and
My spirit, like a dove

Soars in the skies and clouds
There to avail of light:
Sinful and yet devout -
In there I take flight -

Telling the world: Hello,
It's like we have first met:
What you are, I don't know,
But I do not regret

Seeing you as you're now
And as you're yet to be:
Great gifts that you bestow
Which I at last can see -

Universe! In your essence
Lives all that's good and true
And after all the lessons
I've come to facing you:

You, in your daylight splendor!
You, in your gorgeous night!
And to you I surrender
That I in you take flight!

Shine on me, heaven's beauty!
Hold and enfold me, earth!
Waters, by man polluted,
Will flow, clear, from their source -

Flowers and lakes and meadows -
Seagulls and butterflies -
Forms, silhouettes, and shadows -
With newly opened eyes

I see you in your essence;
And, as if born anew,
Rich with your incandescence,
I fall in love with you.

Ilya Shambat
https://sites.google.com/view/ilyashambatpoetry

On Saturday, April 29, 2023 at 2:43:09 AM UTC-4, Ilya Shambat wrote:
> I fall, completely open,
> As though born anew,
> Into the light - and hope
> Into the good - and true.

Clichéd, naive, and corny as all hell, but )apart from the imbecilic misuse of hyphens) it works. I say "imbecilic" not only because of your stubborn refusal to use em dashes, but because no punctuation is required. "Into the light and hope; into the good and true." There is no conceivable reason to separate either "light and hope" or "good and true" as both are stereotypically paired.

> Drinking into my spirit
> Treacle of trails - and trees,
> Vanquishing every fear and
> Blessing the bliss - and breeze.

While I like the use of alliteration in the second line, it would work better if it actually made any sense. Treacle may be sweet, but its connotations are decidedly negative. "trails - and trees" doesn't require a hyphen (or even an em dash). If the speaker is "drinking in" the natural beauties that he sees while falling, he would say "trails and trees" (especially as both are part of the same forest). "Blessing the bliss and breeze" (again, no hyphen, em dash, or comma required) reads like what it is -- filler.

> Looking in strangers' faces
> With an enlightened smile,
> With angels trading places
> To be them for awhile,

I'll excuse (just barely) the inversion in the third line due to its echoing of the preceding line. The fourth line doesn't flow properly. Try "Just for a little while" instead.

It's also unclear if the speaker is briefly becoming the strangers or the angels, but in this case the ambiguity works in its favor.

> Basking in timeless sunshine -
> Standing, head full of stars -
> Feeling galactic passion -
> From here - and to Mars;

The first three lines are very good -- except for the imbecilic hyphens, of course. A comma at the end of each line would be necessary at most.

The last line is short a beat; which only serves to accent how bad it is. "From here to eternity" may have been used by both the Whiffenpoofs and James Jones, but the limitlessess of "eternity" makes sense. Stopping the galactic passion at Mars sounds... dumb.

I'm not saying that you should borrow the well known phrase mentioned above; but you should at least aim for something that's equally as grand.

> Looking at women dancing
> Seeing their spirits bloom

I would swap "Seeing" for "Watching," as it's less passive, and hints at some participation on the speaker's part.

> Evening and night romancing -
> Universe! I'm your groom!

The hyphen, in the above instance, should be an em dash.

The hyper-ecstatic use of two exclamation points should be avoided.

> I have become a poet.
> That means, I'm in love

You've dropped another beat in the second line. Try "And, as such, am in love," or one of many other possibilities.

> With everything I know, and
> My spirit, like a dove
>
> Soars in the skies and clouds
> There to avail of light:
> Sinful and yet devout -
> In there I take flight -
Since em dashes are used in place of colons, you should stick to one or the other. The third line only requires a comma at the end (if that), and the fourth line needs no end punctuation at all.

You've also shorted each of the preceding lines one beat, which changes the meter -- to the poem's detriment.

Also, when listing two related items ("skies and clouds"), one should always list the bigger item last ("clouds and skies").

In order to address both of the above-mentioned problems, I would suggest something along the lines of "Soars through the clouds and heavens/There to avail of light --/Sinful and yet devoted/Letting my soul take flight."

"Avail of light" is also weak. Why not let the speaker do something a little more personal with it? Perhaps he could "embrace" the light? Perhaps he could "burst into" light? Use your imagination, as there are various ways of expressing this conceit.

> Telling the world: Hello,

The use of a colon is incorrect here. Try "Telling the world "Hello," or (if punctuate one must) "Telling the world, "Hello." Unfortunately, you've skipped another beat and thrown the meter out of whack again. So make that "Sending the world a "Hello," or something to that effect.

> It's like we have first met:
> What you are, I don't know,
> But I do not regret

Why would you contract "do not" in the third line of this stanza? To match the faulty meter of the first line? Ever hear the expression that "Two wrongs don't make a right?"

> Seeing you as you're now

And again, in the above. "Seeing you as you are now" flows much more easily and keeps to the poem's original meter.

> And as you're yet to be:
> Great gifts that you bestow
> Which I at last can see -

And again, you've mucked up line three in order to correspond to the opening line's muck up. Try "Great are the gifts that somehow/I now, at last, can see."

And, yes, end the stanza with a period as it does not carry over into the following one.

> Universe! In your essence
> Lives all that's good and true
> And after all [your] lessons
> I've [learned from facing] you:

A few suggestions have been substituted in brackets (above).
> You, in your daylight splendor!
> You, in your gorgeous night!
> [You to whom] I surrender
> [In whom my heart takes] flight!

More suggestions. Note that no comma appears after "You," in my suggestion; nor should there be any in the first two lines.

> Shine on me, heaven's beauty!
> Hold and enfold me, earth!
> Waters, by man polluted,
> Will flow, clear, from their source -

Bringing the topic of environmental pollution into a flight of spiritual ecstasy is out of place. No commas are necessary after "polluted," "flow," or "clear." End the stanza with a period.

> Flowers and lakes and meadows -
> Seagulls and butterflies -
> Forms, silhouettes, and shadows -
> With newly opened eyes

The first three lines require a comma (at most) for end punctuation. There is certainly no need to hyphenate them. If "Forms" in the third line is being used as a verb, it should be singular ("Form silhouettes and shadows").. No comma is needed after "silhouettes."

Hard end punctuation (a period) is required after "shadows." Anything less than a period makes it appear as if the shadows had newly-opened eyes.

> I see you in your essence;
> And, as if born anew,
> Rich with your incandescence,
> I fall in love with you.
>
> Ilya Shambat
> https://sites.google.com/view/ilyashambatpoetry

This is certainly a big improvement over your translations. It's pure tripe from start to finish -- but there's an ecstatic feeling running through it that's charming in its naivety and hyperbolic mush. IOW: it's likeable in spite of itself.

Ilya Shambat wrote:
>
> I fall, completely open,
> As though born anew,
> Into the light - and hope
> Into the good - and true.

> Drinking into my spirit
> Treacle of trails - and trees,
> Vanquishing every fear and
> Blessing the bliss - and breeze.

> Looking in strangers' faces
> With an enlightened smile,
> With angels trading places
> To be them for awhile,

> Basking in timeless sunshine -
> Standing, head full of stars -
> Feeling galactic passion -
> From here - and to Mars;

> Looking at women dancing
> Seeing their spirits bloom
> Evening and night romancing -
> Universe! I'm your groom!

> I have become a poet.
> That means, I'm in love
> With everything I know, and
> My spirit, like a dove

> Soars in the skies and clouds
> There to avail of light:
> Sinful and yet devout -
> In there I take flight -

> Telling the world: Hello,
> It's like we have first met:
> What you are, I don't know,
> But I do not regret

> Seeing you as you're now
> And as you're yet to be:
> Great gifts that you bestow
> Which I at last can see -

> Universe! In your essence
> Lives all that's good and true
> And after all the lessons
> I've come to facing you:

> You, in your daylight splendor!
> You, in your gorgeous night!
> And to you I surrender
> That I in you take flight!

> Shine on me, heaven's beauty!
> Hold and enfold me, earth!
> Waters, by man polluted,
> Will flow, clear, from their source -

> Flowers and lakes and meadows -
> Seagulls and butterflies -
> Forms, silhouettes, and shadows -
> With newly opened eyes

> I see you in your essence;
> And, as if born anew,
> Rich with your incandescence,
> I fall in love with you.

> Ilya Shambat
> https://sites.google.com/view/ilyashambatpoetry

Outstanding read..!