One for the Road

It doesn't look safe tonight --
the drizzle blinds a clear view --
the shadows changing shapes
as the wind slaps, then leaves
all thought, disheveled.

What a sacrifice, tempting danger,
fighting the need for fireplace and slippers,
for a whiskey night by the neon crackle.

It appears, that glow replacing the moon's smile,
and it's empty but for bottles and taps and worn stools --
'make it a double'

The walk home will be filled with danger,
the whiskey provides some courage.

Edward Rochester Esq.

On Friday, April 28, 2023 at 10:13:36 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> One for the Road
>
> It doesn't look safe tonight --
> the drizzle blinds a clear view --
> the shadows changing shapes
> as the wind slaps, then leaves
> all thought, disheveled.

Nice atmospheric buildup.

>
> What a sacrifice, tempting danger,

I don't understand the use of "sacrifice" here: "risk," "ordeal," "exploit," "perilous venture"...?

> fighting the need for fireplace and slippers,
> for a whiskey night by the neon crackle.
>
> It appears, that glow replacing the moon's smile,

I like the imagery in this line. It reminds me of a bar in a town near the one I grew up in that had a neon shooting star sign. You could see it from a pretty good distance at night against the backdrop of the sky.

The image of a barroom replacing the moon's smile is especially good as it's ambiguous as to whether it serves as a good thing (the speaker's happy place) or a bad thing (leaving the safety of the friendly, moon bright night for the dangers attendant upon drunkenness).

> and it's empty but for bottles and taps and worn stools --
> 'make it a double[.]'

I would use quotation marks, but single quotes also work.

> The walk home will be filled with danger,
> the whiskey provides some courage.
>
> Edward Rochester Esq.

On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 7:11:18 PM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> On Friday, April 28, 2023 at 10:13:36 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > One for the Road
> >
> > It doesn't look safe tonight --
> > the drizzle blinds a clear view --
> > the shadows changing shapes
> > as the wind slaps, then leaves
> > all thought, disheveled.
> Nice atmospheric buildup.
> >
> > What a sacrifice, tempting danger,
> I don't understand the use of "sacrifice" here: "risk," "ordeal," "exploit," "perilous venture"...?
> > fighting the need for fireplace and slippers,
> > for a whiskey night by the neon crackle.
> >
> > It appears, that glow replacing the moon's smile,
> I like the imagery in this line. It reminds me of a bar in a town near the one I grew up in that had a neon shooting star sign. You could see it from a pretty good distance at night against the backdrop of the sky.
>
> The image of a barroom replacing the moon's smile is especially good as it's ambiguous as to whether it serves as a good thing (the speaker's happy place) or a bad thing (leaving the safety of the friendly, moon bright night for the dangers attendant upon drunkenness).
> > and it's empty but for bottles and taps and worn stools --
> > 'make it a double[.]'
>
> I would use quotation marks, but single quotes also work.
> > The walk home will be filled with danger,
> > the whiskey provides some courage.
> >
> > Edward Rochester Esq.

Thank you, Michael..

'What a sacrifice, tempting danger'

My thoughts were leaving a place of comfort, for a drink..

Your comments have helped me write better poetry.

J

On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 7:20:56 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq.. wrote:
> On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 7:11:18 PM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> > On Friday, April 28, 2023 at 10:13:36 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > > One for the Road
> > >
> > > It doesn't look safe tonight --
> > > the drizzle blinds a clear view --
> > > the shadows changing shapes
> > > as the wind slaps, then leaves
> > > all thought, disheveled.
> > Nice atmospheric buildup.
> > >
> > > What a sacrifice, tempting danger,
> > I don't understand the use of "sacrifice" here: "risk," "ordeal," "exploit," "perilous venture"...?
> > > fighting the need for fireplace and slippers,
> > > for a whiskey night by the neon crackle.
> > >
> > > It appears, that glow replacing the moon's smile,
> > I like the imagery in this line. It reminds me of a bar in a town near the one I grew up in that had a neon shooting star sign. You could see it from a pretty good distance at night against the backdrop of the sky.
> >
> > The image of a barroom replacing the moon's smile is especially good as it's ambiguous as to whether it serves as a good thing (the speaker's happy place) or a bad thing (leaving the safety of the friendly, moon bright night for the dangers attendant upon drunkenness).
> > > and it's empty but for bottles and taps and worn stools --
> > > 'make it a double[.]'
> >
> > I would use quotation marks, but single quotes also work.
> > > The walk home will be filled with danger,
> > > the whiskey provides some courage.
> > >
> > > Edward Rochester Esq.
> Thank you, Michael..
>
> 'What a sacrifice, tempting danger'
>
> My thoughts were leaving a place of comfort, for a drink..
>
>
> Your comments have helped me write better poetry.

Same here, the one thing from my part of our collab that he pointed out, Anon seconded so I revised and looks like I ended up with something THAT I like even more than what I originally wrote. Pendragon keeps me on toes and makes put more effort into my work to avoid just reproducing the same old flawed work.

On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 8:00:26 PM UTC-4, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 7:20:56 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > On Sunday, April 30, 2023 at 7:11:18 PM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> > > On Friday, April 28, 2023 at 10:13:36 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > > > One for the Road
> > > >
> > > > It doesn't look safe tonight --
> > > > the drizzle blinds a clear view --
> > > > the shadows changing shapes
> > > > as the wind slaps, then leaves
> > > > all thought, disheveled.
> > > Nice atmospheric buildup.
> > > >
> > > > What a sacrifice, tempting danger,
> > > I don't understand the use of "sacrifice" here: "risk," "ordeal," "exploit," "perilous venture"...?
> > > > fighting the need for fireplace and slippers,
> > > > for a whiskey night by the neon crackle.
> > > >
> > > > It appears, that glow replacing the moon's smile,
> > > I like the imagery in this line. It reminds me of a bar in a town near the one I grew up in that had a neon shooting star sign. You could see it from a pretty good distance at night against the backdrop of the sky.
> > >
> > > The image of a barroom replacing the moon's smile is especially good as it's ambiguous as to whether it serves as a good thing (the speaker's happy place) or a bad thing (leaving the safety of the friendly, moon bright night for the dangers attendant upon drunkenness).
> > > > and it's empty but for bottles and taps and worn stools --
> > > > 'make it a double[.]'
> > >
> > > I would use quotation marks, but single quotes also work.
> > > > The walk home will be filled with danger,
> > > > the whiskey provides some courage.
> > > >
> > > > Edward Rochester Esq.
> > Thank you, Michael..
> >
> > 'What a sacrifice, tempting danger'
> >
> > My thoughts were leaving a place of comfort, for a drink..
> >
> >
> > Your comments have helped me write better poetry.
> Same here, the one thing from my part of our collab that he pointed out, Anon seconded so I revised and looks like I ended up with something THAT I like even more than what I originally wrote. Pendragon keeps me on toes and makes put more effort into my work to avoid just reproducing the same old flawed work.

Considering the crippled centipedes that wander this joint, Michael is invaluable.