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I don't know what Descartes' got, But booze can do what Kant cannot. -- Mike Cross

arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / Inside the Bottle

SubjectAuthor
* Inside the BottleEdward Rochester Esq.
+- Re: Inside the BottleAsh Wurthing
`* Re: Inside the BottleMichael Pendragon
 `- Re: Inside the BottleEdward Rochester Esq.

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Inside the Bottle

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Subject: Inside the Bottle
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Tue, 16 May 2023 23:28 UTC

I promised to love that girl
until the day I died,
but I drank them down,
fooled around and now my days
are spent walking
toward the bridge we crossed,
hoping her perfume
remains imbedded
on a passing breeze.

J. Walker

Re: Inside the Bottle

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Subject: Re: Inside the Bottle
From: ashwurth...@gmail.com (Ash Wurthing)
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 by: Ash Wurthing - Wed, 17 May 2023 01:21 UTC

On Tuesday, May 16, 2023 at 7:28:57 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> I promised to love that girl
> until the day I died,
> but I drank them down,
> fooled around and now my days
> are spent walking
> toward the bridge we crossed,
> hoping her perfume
> remains imbedded
> on a passing breeze.
>
> J. Walker

J. Walker-- so very appropriate

Re: Inside the Bottle

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Subject: Re: Inside the Bottle
From: michaelm...@gmail.com (Michael Pendragon)
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 by: Michael Pendragon - Wed, 17 May 2023 01:41 UTC

On Tuesday, May 16, 2023 at 7:28:57 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> I promised to love that girl
> until the day I died[;]

A semicolon, or stronger, punctuation is required here. I would use an em dash, but that's a personal call.

> but I drank them down,
> fooled around and now my days
> are spent walking
> toward the bridge we crossed,
> hoping her perfume
> remains imbedded

I don't recall ever having seen the word "imbedded" before, but a google search shows it to be a less common variation of "embedded." I would go with "embedded," but again that's a personal call.

I like the double meaning of "the bridge we crossed."

> on a passing breeze.

This should be "in" a passing breeze.

1.
fix (an object) firmly and deeply in a surrounding mass.
"he had an operation to remove a nail embedded in his chest"

> J. Walker

An excellent poem -- even if I disagree with its anti-drinking stance.

Re: Inside the Bottle

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Subject: Re: Inside the Bottle
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Wed, 17 May 2023 06:13 UTC

On Tuesday, May 16, 2023 at 9:41:27 PM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> On Tuesday, May 16, 2023 at 7:28:57 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > I promised to love that girl
> > until the day I died[;]
>
> A semicolon, or stronger, punctuation is required here. I would use an em dash, but that's a personal call.
> > but I drank them down,
> > fooled around and now my days
> > are spent walking
> > toward the bridge we crossed,
> > hoping her perfume
> > remains imbedded
> I don't recall ever having seen the word "imbedded" before, but a google search shows it to be a less common variation of "embedded." I would go with "embedded," but again that's a personal call.
>
> I like the double meaning of "the bridge we crossed."
>
> > on a passing breeze.
>
> This should be "in" a passing breeze.
>
> 1.
> fix (an object) firmly and deeply in a surrounding mass.
> "he had an operation to remove a nail embedded in his chest"
>
> > J. Walker
>
> An excellent poem -- even if I disagree with its anti-drinking stance.

Thank you, Michael.

Not so much anti-drinking but anti-guzzling, causing a break-up.

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