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arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / The Visit

SubjectAuthor
* The VisitEdward Rochester Esq.
`* Re: The VisitMichael Pendragon
 `* Re: The VisitEdward Rochester Esq.
  `- Re: The VisitAsh Wurthing

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The Visit

<b077793c-7019-48c6-befc-39887f725793n@googlegroups.com>

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Subject: The Visit
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Thu, 1 Jun 2023 11:34 UTC

last night she was there
she stood staring at my face
the moon grabbed her back

Re: The Visit

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Newsgroups: alt.arts.poetry.comments
Date: Thu, 1 Jun 2023 06:47:05 -0700 (PDT)
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Subject: Re: The Visit
From: michaelm...@gmail.com (Michael Pendragon)
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 by: Michael Pendragon - Thu, 1 Jun 2023 13:47 UTC

On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 7:34:50 AM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq.. wrote:
> last night she was there
> she stood staring at my face
> the moon grabbed her back

You've earned a much deserved "Perfection!" for this one.

It does what I believe a haiku is supposed to do: present two concepts in the first two lines, then provide a third line which both ties them together and transforms their meaning to some extent.

But even more importantly, the content is right up my Romantic alley: a ghostly vision of a deceased woman emanating from the moon -- only to be stolen back by it.

Re: The Visit

<ad96073d-6cbd-437a-8a39-9b3c1b3f677cn@googlegroups.com>

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Subject: Re: The Visit
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Thu, 1 Jun 2023 21:34 UTC

On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 9:47:06 AM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 7:34:50 AM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > last night she was there
> > she stood staring at my face
> > the moon grabbed her back
> You've earned a much deserved "Perfection!" for this one.
>
> It does what I believe a haiku is supposed to do: present two concepts in the first two lines, then provide a third line which both ties them together and transforms their meaning to some extent.
>
> But even more importantly, the content is right up my Romantic alley: a ghostly vision of a deceased woman emanating from the moon -- only to be stolen back by it.

Thank you, Michael. I do enjoy the 5-7-5 concept and yes...trying to complete a short story in three lines,
is challenging but worth the effort, if grabbing a 'Perfection' is the outcome.

Jim

Re: The Visit

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Subject: Re: The Visit
From: ashwurth...@gmail.com (Ash Wurthing)
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 by: Ash Wurthing - Fri, 2 Jun 2023 00:28 UTC

On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 5:34:56 PM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq.. wrote:
> On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 9:47:06 AM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> > On Thursday, June 1, 2023 at 7:34:50 AM UTC-4, Edward Rochester Esq. wrote:
> > > last night she was there
> > > she stood staring at my face
> > > the moon grabbed her back
> > You've earned a much deserved "Perfection!" for this one.
> >
> > It does what I believe a haiku is supposed to do: present two concepts in the first two lines, then provide a third line which both ties them together and transforms their meaning to some extent.
> >
> > But even more importantly, the content is right up my Romantic alley: a ghostly vision of a deceased woman emanating from the moon -- only to be stolen back by it.
> Thank you, Michael. I do enjoy the 5-7-5 concept and yes...trying to complete a short story in three lines,
> is challenging but worth the effort, if grabbing a 'Perfection' is the outcome.
>
>
>
> Jim

Humbug!!!
It doesn't let me use enough words!
BTW: I'm stealing the title, My Father's House of Horror, for one of my streams. And sard Dance, not every thing is about him.

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