All my life I�ve been in the business of observing the world and writing or
talking about what I see and experience. And one of the things I can tell you
is that it isn�t easy to communicate the truth with complete accuracy. There
are always going to be small discrepancies between what you report and what
actually happened.

For instance, last week, in a speech in Ohio, Donald Trump promised that if
he was re-elected president, he would stop China from undermining our
automobile industry. Then he added, �That�s if I get elected. If I don�t get
elected, it�s going to be a bloodbath.�

The New York Times, a former newspaper, reported on the speech in a story
headlined: �Trump Vows Nationwide Slaughter if not Returned to Power,� in
which Times reporter Prissy Credential wrote, �Pushing his campaign rhetoric
to unprecedented levels of violence, former president Donald Trump swore he
would unleash a bloodbath on America if he was not re-installed in the White
House this November, an obvious threat to re-enact the January 6th, 2021,
insurrection at the Capitol, the worst Constitutional crisis since the Civil
War of the 1860s, when 700,000 Americans lost their lives, and Trump bathed
in their blood, an unthinkably horrific act made famous by the 16th Century
Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Bathory who imitated Trump by torturing and
murdering more than 600 virgins and bathing in their blood, an act that
inspired Bram Stoker in the writing of �Dracula,� which describes how Donald
Trump would disguise himself as a coachman and ride out of the crumbling
Trump Castle in the dead of night, whipping his six sin-black Trump horses
into a lather as he descended on innocent villagers, morphing from a
billionaire real estate mogul into a gigantic bat in order to plunge his
teeth into the throats of innocent and shapely women and drain their lives
away while they lay helpless in his clutches if he is not re-elected to the
presidency. That�s why, in 2017, thousands of women took to the streets
wearing pink hats and shrieking out of faces distorted by feminist rage to
the point of repulsive ugliness in order to protest the 400-year rampage
during which Trump fueled his soulless immortality with female blood, which
many feminists consider not merely homicidal but also sexist and racist in
its privileging of blond white women with large breasts nearly exposed by
their open nightgowns so that the thick scarlet drool dripping from Trump�s
gore-soaked mouth could be seen by his demonic red eyes to be running in
disgusting rivulets over their tremulous white flesh if he is not returned to
office. Experts estimate that Trump�s insatiable thirst for human blood,
combined with the supernatural longevity of his terrifyingly animated corpse,
may have resulted in as many as 200,000 deaths over the centuries, or about a
third of those Trump would have slaughtered on January 6th if it had been the
Civil War, which it was as bad as, thus leaving a body count of almost a
million people in the bloodbath Trump is threatening if he is not returned to
the White House where he would impose a tariff on Chinese cars instead of
murdering millions and bathing in their blood.�

WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
Now, those of you who have journalistic training may have noticed that, here
and there, the Times reporting veered from absolute accuracy in order to
convey a deeper impression of the intent behind Trump�s words. Questioned
about this journalistic practice, Times editor-in-chief Blithering
Prevarication the Third explained, �Blood! Look! Blood, blood everywhere!
Dripping, running, staining, oh God, mother, blood!� Mr. Third�s remarks were
followed by a lengthy period of inarticulate sobbing, after which he became
so upset that he vomited, which the paper plans to run tomorrow as its lead
editorial.

Giving a more in-depth account of the Times� impressionist reporting,
Columbia School of Journalism Professor Vladimir Mohammed, who holds the J-
School�s Walter Duranty Chair of Intentionally Rampant Mendacity, said
�America is simply going to have to choose whether it can endure seven more
months of Trump and the horrific atrocities we�re going to imagine he�ll
commit. And that�s if he�s not elected. If he is elected, it�ll be a
bloodbath.�

--
Let's go Brandon!