ADAGIO FORMAGGIO. To play in a slow and cheesymanner

ALLREGRETTO When you’re 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo

ANDANTE A musical composition that is infernally slow.
ANTIPHONAL Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

ANGUS DEI To play with a divinely beefy tone

A PATELLA Accompanied by knee-slapping

APPOLOGGIATURA A composition, solo or instrument that you regret playing

APPROXIMATURA A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an “I meant to do that” attitude

APPROXIMENTO A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch

BARLINE What musicians form after a concert

CACOPHANY A composition incorporating many people with chest colds

CONCERTO GROSSISSIMO A really bad performance

CORAL SYMPHONY A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven’s Caribbean Period

CORNETTI TROMBOSIS DISASTROUS Entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hasitly down the stage stairs.

DILL PICCOLINI An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes

FERMANTRA A note held over and over and over and over and …

FERMOOTA A note of dubious value held for indefinite length

FIDDLER CRABS Grumpy string players

FOG HORNOSO A sound that is heard when the conductor’s intentions are not clear

FLUTE FLIES Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on outdoor gigs

FRUGALHORN A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument

GAUL BLATTER A French horn player

GOOD CONDUCTOR A person who can give an electrifying performance

GREGORIAN CHAMP The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest

GROUND HOG Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won’t let anyone else play it

KVETCHENDO Gradually getting annoyingly louder

MALLADE A romatic song that’s pretty awful

MOLTO BOLTO Head straight for the ending

OPERA BUFFA Musical stage production by nudists

PLACEBO DOMINGO A faux tenor

POOCHINI MUSICAL Performance, accompanied by a dog

PRE-CLASSICAL CONSERVATISM School of thought which fostered the idea, “if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.”

SCHMALZANDO A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band

THE RIGHT OF STRINGS Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists

SPRITZICATO An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional)

TEMPO TANTRUM What an elementary school orchestra is having when it’s not following the conductor

TINCANABULATION The annoying or imitating sounds made by extremely cheap bells

TROUBLE CLEF Any clef one can’t read: e.g., alto clef for pianists

VESUVIOSO An indication to gradually build up to a fiery conclusion

VIBRATTO Child prodigy son of the concertmaster

On 4/25/2024 5:40 PM, palsing wrote:

[snip]

> GROUND HOG  Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and
> won’t let anyone else play it

this is quite clever. my congrats.

> SPRITZICATO  An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and
> bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine
> optional)

a good spritzicato requires a recitativo prosecco