Cybertron Times - Breaking News Alert

It has been reported that several Autobot classified documents were found
in Optimus Prime’s personal space ship. The documents were discovered
during a routine audit performed by Autobot Mainframe. “The documents were
discovered in a box locked in the supplies cabinet, and there did not
appear to be any evidence of tampering”. Optimus Prime has stated that he
is fully cooperating with the investigation, which has been turned over to
Autobot Perceptor. While neither Mainframe nor Perceptor would comment on
the content of the documents, it is widely believed to be related to
Decepticon energy production technologies as well as the Autobot’s
controversial and decades long failed experiment to replicate the
Decepticon’s space bridge technology.

The revelation has created a firestorm given Optimus Prime’s comments about
Rodimus Prime, who found himself in a very similar situation last year.
Upon discovering a large cash of classified documents in Rodimus Prime’s
space ship, (some of which were classified as “maximum cybertron secret”,
the highest clearance level), Optimus Prime had quipped “I simply don’t
understand how anyone could be so irresponsible”. Rodimus Prime, upon
hearing about the latest revelation released a statement on Twitter “After
criticizing my tenure as Autobot leader as an abject failure, the truth is
finally revealed! I am the greatest autobot leader of all time!” Rodimus
Prime is still under investigation for his security breach, along with
several allegations of in appropriate conduct filed by both Arcee and
Firestar. Rodimus Prime has publically referred to the sexual allegations
as “fake Energon”.

Rodimus Prime was also quick to question why this news is coming out now,
days after Optimus Prime’s annual review with Alpha Trion, despite
Mainframe stating he made the discovery two months ago. As expected, the
sage supreme elder of the Autobot allegiance was not willing to comment on
an ongoing investigation. However, Rodimus took to Twitter to ask “I
wonder if Alpha Trion would have rated Optimus as a Far Exceed if this had
been revealed before his performance review. I highly doubt it. THIS
SHOULD BE INVESTIGATED!!!”

In response to the recent crises in Autobot Leadership, Megatron was asked
for comment. His only comment was “I can’t believe I keep losing to these
guys”. Meanwhile, Starscream has announced he will be holding a prime time
press conference to discuss the latest developments.

-Banzaitron
Editor in Chief - Cybertron Times

On Saturday, January 14, 2023 at 4:37:05 PM UTC-7, Anonymous wrote:

> Cybertron Times - Breaking News Alert

Hee hee! This is funny and clever. Kind of reminds me of something in the news, now that I think about it...

Zob (make Cybertron great again!)

On Saturday, January 14, 2023 at 6:37:05 PM UTC-5, Anonymous wrote:
> Cybertron Times - Breaking News Alert
>
>
> It has been reported that several Autobot classified documents were found
> in Optimus Prime’s personal space ship. The documents were discovered
> during a routine audit performed by Autobot Mainframe. “The documents were
> discovered in a box locked in the supplies cabinet, and there did not
> appear to be any evidence of tampering”. Optimus Prime has stated that he
> is fully cooperating with the investigation, which has been turned over to
> Autobot Perceptor. While neither Mainframe nor Perceptor would comment on
> the content of the documents, it is widely believed to be related to
> Decepticon energy production technologies as well as the Autobot’s
> controversial and decades long failed experiment to replicate the
> Decepticon’s space bridge technology.
>
> The revelation has created a firestorm given Optimus Prime’s comments about
> Rodimus Prime, who found himself in a very similar situation last year.
> Upon discovering a large cash of classified documents in Rodimus Prime’s
> space ship, (some of which were classified as “maximum cybertron secret”,
> the highest clearance level), Optimus Prime had quipped “I simply don’t
> understand how anyone could be so irresponsible”. Rodimus Prime, upon
> hearing about the latest revelation released a statement on Twitter “After
> criticizing my tenure as Autobot leader as an abject failure, the truth is
> finally revealed! I am the greatest autobot leader of all time!” Rodimus
> Prime is still under investigation for his security breach, along with
> several allegations of in appropriate conduct filed by both Arcee and
> Firestar. Rodimus Prime has publically referred to the sexual allegations
> as “fake Energon”.
>
> Rodimus Prime was also quick to question why this news is coming out now,
> days after Optimus Prime’s annual review with Alpha Trion, despite
> Mainframe stating he made the discovery two months ago. As expected, the
> sage supreme elder of the Autobot allegiance was not willing to comment on
> an ongoing investigation. However, Rodimus took to Twitter to ask “I
> wonder if Alpha Trion would have rated Optimus as a Far Exceed if this had
> been revealed before his performance review. I highly doubt it. THIS
> SHOULD BE INVESTIGATED!!!”
>
> In response to the recent crises in Autobot Leadership, Megatron was asked
> for comment. His only comment was “I can’t believe I keep losing to these
> guys”. Meanwhile, Starscream has announced he will be holding a prime time
> press conference to discuss the latest developments.
>
> -Banzaitron
> Editor in Chief - Cybertron Times

Hilarious and current!

Has anybody ever written a mock obituary for Optimus Prime? I was going
to do it in 2005 and then never got around to it.