On Tuesday, July 5, 2022 at 7:51:44 PM UTC, michaelmalef...@gmail.com wrote:
> THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet
> PART THREE
>
>
> "A Donkey knows Louis Theroux:
>
> "Zod,
> Wiggle Wiggle
> I rap and wiggle, wiggle
> I go crazy when you wriggle, wriggle
> It makes my manboobs jiggle, jiggle
> And when we’re done, we giggle, giggle
> So what if people sniggle, sniggle
> At us as I write squiggles, squiggles--
> I love to niggle, niggle.
>
> "I'm quite the smart donkey, as smart donkeys go
> I've had me some lernin' and quotes me Theroux,
> He wrote 'On Golden Pond,' Transcendental, you know
> And some book about Walden (Google tells me so)
> An' I thinks he was friends with Horatio Hornblow,
> Who's based on Ozzie Nelson, whose old tv show
> I done read like a comic book (Batman, The Crow…);
> But I digest, cuz I was talking Theroux
> Who fritters his life away jiggling just so.
>
> "A Donkey knows pond scum:
>
> "Zod,
> Did you know that Henry David Theroux
> was the writer of The Waltons Pond television show,
> and the kids were named Jord-Boy, Curly and Moe,
> and they said good night just like us and the hos,
> and how did they live without mobile gizmos,
> but their farm could grew their very own blow,
> and I think he wrote my go-to comic The Crow,
> and was married to Jennifer two years in a row
> and he influenced me just like Vinny van Gogh.
>
> "More than Theroux, when I began
> My poet's career, it was my plan
> To write like Popeye the sailor man
> And eats all me spinaches from a can.
> I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam.
>
> "I writes poetry 'bouts me old glory days
> 'Bouts the ladies I loves an' the games that I plays
> An' the drugs what I tooks what puts me in a haze;
> All the thoughts whats I thunk, all the things whats I says.
> That's all I can pens, 'cause I can't pens no more
> 'Cept to writes me an ode 'bouts a two-dollar whore.
>
> "A Donkey missionaries literacy to the world:
>
> "Zod,
> Did you know Theroux is pronounced 'thur OX'
> I learned that this year while playing with blocks
> though I first read Theroux at my 15th detox
> so you see I'm not Pendragon's favorite lummox
> but a genius who's playing on every jukebox
> and I'm sorry to hear about your Monkey Pox
> did you get that from Mike, that old Silver Fox
> whose choice of mates is unorthodox
> and you shouldn't keep wearing his old dirty socks
> Hank Theroux was my favorite while hustling the docks
> but now I am reading the deep Goldilocks
> and all about bears and their bad news for stocks.
>
> "A Donkey reminisces about his youth in the Pre-Industrial age, ca. 1976.
>
> "Cameras were rare back in seventy-six
> So I hung with Zu-Bolton but didn't get no pix,
> For a buck twenty-five truck stop hos would turn tricks,
> And I'd pimp Brother Dave when I needed my fix.
> We had no running water, but that was okay,
> I'd poop in the backyard, be off on my way,
> We used milk crates for chairs and made beds outta hay,
> Had no gas fer to cook, had no 'lectrici-tay
> But I had Cousin Jen if I needed a lay
> And the neighborhood kiddies who all liked to play
> At squealin' like piggies just like Ned Beat-tay --
> While I may have flunked schoolin' I just want to say
> That I lived a darn good life back in the day.
>
> "Donkey enters musth
>
> "Zod,
> I'm going through my monthly musth
> when I have to bang either balls or bust
> or trailer hitches that are covered with rust
> but you always like my increased lust
> when I have my jet plane, Top Gun thrust
> and even the grannies who are covered with dust
> know that I am someone they shouldn't trust
> and you'll recall that apple pie crust
> when I went wild and ate and cussed
> because I knew I'd soon combust
> and even Ma's dogs expressed disgust
> at that poor sheep that I screwed and crushed.
>
> "This musth is a good thing, now don't get me wrong
> What else would I do with this huge donkey dong?
> I stick it in places where it don't belong
> Least that's what the judge says, the law's arm is long…
> But long arms or short arms I'm still Donkey Kong
> And needs me some holes fer to fill with my schlong.
>
> "Till Dave took his dirt-nap, he'd always come through
> And I likes to think that he'd come a bit, too…
> When Clay lived at home, he was good for a screw,
> But Stoneman the cat would shriek out 'Mew! Mew! Mew!'
> Good ol' Handy Sandy done know'd what to do
> And Lady K blew till my sweet donkey dew
> Was splooged on her dress (good thing it wasn't blue!),
> Heck, I drilled every hole I'd put my finger to!
> But trust me, being musthy can change your world view --
> When life overwhelms you, you always pull through,
> So just skip and ignore if you hear the cow moo
> The livestock are part of this Donkey's do crew,
> And, who knows, someday soon I'll be coming for you.
>
> "A Donkey drop kicks names:
>
> "Zod,
> Did you know that the Everlees taught me guitar
> and that certainly set a very high bar
> which I easily reached in becoming a star.
> I know 10 chords and the Conleys are far
> beneath me in their crude one note repertoire
> and you may think that this fact sounds very bizarre
> but Don and Phil let me drive around in their car.
> We sped through the town, it was a Jaguar,
> and they told me to keep it -- that's in my memoir --
> and every single Christmas they sent caviar
> and that went to the police when I was stopped by radar.
>
> "You see, Shadowville is the real place to be
> It's a cutting edge, artistic community,
> We've had Ahmos Zu-Bolton, Don and Phil Everlee
> Nellie Black, Handy Sandy, and good ol' One Drum Dee --
> And folks say Elvis passed by back in sixty-three.
> We've Hogbottoms, Doonannies, and buskers for free
> All the goddamn celebrities you'd ever see
> Henry Conley, his brother, and once even H.C.
> Who drove nine hundred miles to watch me take a pee."
>
> "A Donkey practices planned parenthood:
>
> "Zod,
> Did you know my pants are impregnated with sperm?
> People just touch them and all the sperm squirm.
> Hos know that and pretend that my body has germs
> and laugh that I look like an old pachyderm.
> I just tell them to look for the hide-and-seek worm,
> and they'll do that if I pay them to fluff and confirm,
> and in one sec they're knocked up and the kid is full term,
> but I don't support them 'cause hos don't use law firms.
>
> "I hears folks a-talkin' 'bout Row versus Wait,
> An' if a girl's cooter belongs to the State,
> But I say that's too damn much food on the plate --
> Too much for a man like me to contemplate,
> I likes cooters and hooters an' thinks they're both great;
> If I sees 'em, I squeeze 'em, so why the debate?
> Stickin' fingers to holes is a Dockery trait
> (Even Clay plays with holes, and he swears they's first rate)…
> I'm off to the mule-shed to go donkeybate.
> "A Donkey plans a Barbie queue:
>
> "Zod,
> I'm having a cookout on July the Four
> I’m inviting you, Mike and all of the whores
> who service the needy like me who can't score
> but anyway, bring lots of rats from the shore
> of the Hooch and I'll cook them with panache galore
> until the skin crackles and they taste like albacore
> and I'll wear my chef's hat and my white pinafore
> and you can raise up the bum semaphore
> just like you did when you were not in the Corps,
> and we'll sell what is left at Sarah's bait store
> but she says that showing her tits makes them sore
> so we need to charge more if a glimpse sells some more
> of my books that are gathering dust on the floor
> but Amazon and Walmart are having a price war
> on my book which I'm trying to sell door to door
> and nothing's better with rat than old beans from my drawers.
> "I've barbecued everthin' what walks, crawls, or flies,
> I've barbecued flies, too, but that's no surprise,
> An' y'all knows the best breasts, drumsticks, gizzards and thighs
> Come from buzzards, while cats make the best "chicken" pies,
> Dogs is good, but the tenderness varies with size…
> I done roasted some kids till the neighbors got wise.
>
> "I've grilled skunk, chipmunk, 'possum, snake, lizard and toad
> I've grilled leeches and roaches and mushrooms what growed
> On some rotten wood branches -- and some of 'em glowed!
> But you know there's been days when I'm in my chef's mode
> An' the critters was hidin' like they somehow knowed,
> An' I get so damn hungry, I'm like to explode…
> Then I squat on my grill like it was a commode
> An' I lets down my trousers and drops me a load
>
> "Like a big ol' cow patty or two, three of four
> An' if'n they's guests fo' dinner, I drops me some more,
> Folks calls me 'Grilly Willy,' an' y'all can be sure
> That my burgers buys booty from the local whore."
> -- Will Donkey, "The Shadowville Mythos: Ode to My Slurp-puppet"

Exquisite!