NancyGene <nancygene.andjayme@gmail.com> wrote in
news:092b4144-8a9e-461e-b7b9-824e1cb7d72bn@googlegroups.com:

> On Tuesday, July 5, 2022 at 7:51:44 PM UTC, michaelmalef...@gmail.com
> wrote:
>> THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet
>> PART THREE
>>
>>
>> "A Donkey knows Louis Theroux:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> Wiggle Wiggle
>> I rap and wiggle, wiggle
>> I go crazy when you wriggle, wriggle
>> It makes my manboobs jiggle, jiggle
>> And when we’re done, we giggle, giggle
>> So what if people sniggle, sniggle
>> At us as I write squiggles, squiggles--
>> I love to niggle, niggle.
>>
>> "I'm quite the smart donkey, as smart donkeys go
>> I've had me some lernin' and quotes me Theroux,
>> He wrote 'On Golden Pond,' Transcendental, you know
>> And some book about Walden (Google tells me so)
>> An' I thinks he was friends with Horatio Hornblow,
>> Who's based on Ozzie Nelson, whose old tv show
>> I done read like a comic book (Batman, The Crow…);
>> But I digest, cuz I was talking Theroux
>> Who fritters his life away jiggling just so.
>>
>> "A Donkey knows pond scum:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> Did you know that Henry David Theroux
>> was the writer of The Waltons Pond television show,
>> and the kids were named Jord-Boy, Curly and Moe,
>> and they said good night just like us and the hos,
>> and how did they live without mobile gizmos,
>> but their farm could grew their very own blow,
>> and I think he wrote my go-to comic The Crow,
>> and was married to Jennifer two years in a row
>> and he influenced me just like Vinny van Gogh.
>>
>> "More than Theroux, when I began
>> My poet's career, it was my plan
>> To write like Popeye the sailor man
>> And eats all me spinaches from a can.
>> I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam.
>>
>> "I writes poetry 'bouts me old glory days
>> 'Bouts the ladies I loves an' the games that I plays
>> An' the drugs what I tooks what puts me in a haze;
>> All the thoughts whats I thunk, all the things whats I says.
>> That's all I can pens, 'cause I can't pens no more
>> 'Cept to writes me an ode 'bouts a two-dollar whore.
>>
>> "A Donkey missionaries literacy to the world:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> Did you know Theroux is pronounced 'thur OX'
>> I learned that this year while playing with blocks
>> though I first read Theroux at my 15th detox
>> so you see I'm not Pendragon's favorite lummox
>> but a genius who's playing on every jukebox
>> and I'm sorry to hear about your Monkey Pox
>> did you get that from Mike, that old Silver Fox
>> whose choice of mates is unorthodox
>> and you shouldn't keep wearing his old dirty socks
>> Hank Theroux was my favorite while hustling the docks
>> but now I am reading the deep Goldilocks
>> and all about bears and their bad news for stocks.
>>
>> "A Donkey reminisces about his youth in the Pre-Industrial age, ca.
>> 1976.
>
>>
>> "Cameras were rare back in seventy-six
>> So I hung with Zu-Bolton but didn't get no pix,
>> For a buck twenty-five truck stop hos would turn tricks,
>> And I'd pimp Brother Dave when I needed my fix.
>> We had no running water, but that was okay,
>> I'd poop in the backyard, be off on my way,
>> We used milk crates for chairs and made beds outta hay,
>> Had no gas fer to cook, had no 'lectrici-tay
>> But I had Cousin Jen if I needed a lay
>> And the neighborhood kiddies who all liked to play
>> At squealin' like piggies just like Ned Beat-tay --
>> While I may have flunked schoolin' I just want to say
>> That I lived a darn good life back in the day.
>>
>> "Donkey enters musth
>>
>> "Zod,
>> I'm going through my monthly musth
>> when I have to bang either balls or bust
>> or trailer hitches that are covered with rust
>> but you always like my increased lust
>> when I have my jet plane, Top Gun thrust
>> and even the grannies who are covered with dust
>> know that I am someone they shouldn't trust
>> and you'll recall that apple pie crust
>> when I went wild and ate and cussed
>> because I knew I'd soon combust
>> and even Ma's dogs expressed disgust
>> at that poor sheep that I screwed and crushed.
>>
>> "This musth is a good thing, now don't get me wrong
>> What else would I do with this huge donkey dong?
>> I stick it in places where it don't belong
>> Least that's what the judge says, the law's arm is long…
>> But long arms or short arms I'm still Donkey Kong
>> And needs me some holes fer to fill with my schlong.
>>
>> "Till Dave took his dirt-nap, he'd always come through
>> And I likes to think that he'd come a bit, too…
>> When Clay lived at home, he was good for a screw,
>> But Stoneman the cat would shriek out 'Mew! Mew! Mew!'
>> Good ol' Handy Sandy done know'd what to do
>> And Lady K blew till my sweet donkey dew
>> Was splooged on her dress (good thing it wasn't blue!),
>> Heck, I drilled every hole I'd put my finger to!
>> But trust me, being musthy can change your world view --
>> When life overwhelms you, you always pull through,
>> So just skip and ignore if you hear the cow moo
>> The livestock are part of this Donkey's do crew,
>> And, who knows, someday soon I'll be coming for you.
>>
>> "A Donkey drop kicks names:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> Did you know that the Everlees taught me guitar
>> and that certainly set a very high bar
>> which I easily reached in becoming a star.
>> I know 10 chords and the Conleys are far
>> beneath me in their crude one note repertoire
>> and you may think that this fact sounds very bizarre
>> but Don and Phil let me drive around in their car.
>> We sped through the town, it was a Jaguar,
>> and they told me to keep it -- that's in my memoir --
>> and every single Christmas they sent caviar
>> and that went to the police when I was stopped by radar.
>>
>> "You see, Shadowville is the real place to be
>> It's a cutting edge, artistic community,
>> We've had Ahmos Zu-Bolton, Don and Phil Everlee
>> Nellie Black, Handy Sandy, and good ol' One Drum Dee --
>> And folks say Elvis passed by back in sixty-three.
>> We've Hogbottoms, Doonannies, and buskers for free
>> All the goddamn celebrities you'd ever see
>> Henry Conley, his brother, and once even H.C.
>> Who drove nine hundred miles to watch me take a pee."
>>
>> "A Donkey practices planned parenthood:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> Did you know my pants are impregnated with sperm?
>> People just touch them and all the sperm squirm.
>> Hos know that and pretend that my body has germs
>> and laugh that I look like an old pachyderm.
>> I just tell them to look for the hide-and-seek worm,
>> and they'll do that if I pay them to fluff and confirm,
>> and in one sec they're knocked up and the kid is full term,
>> but I don't support them 'cause hos don't use law firms.
>>
>> "I hears folks a-talkin' 'bout Row versus Wait,
>> An' if a girl's cooter belongs to the State,
>> But I say that's too damn much food on the plate --
>> Too much for a man like me to contemplate,
>> I likes cooters and hooters an' thinks they're both great;
>> If I sees 'em, I squeeze 'em, so why the debate?
>> Stickin' fingers to holes is a Dockery trait
>> (Even Clay plays with holes, and he swears they's first rate)…
>> I'm off to the mule-shed to go donkeybate.
>> "A Donkey plans a Barbie queue:
>>
>> "Zod,
>> I'm having a cookout on July the Four
>> I’m inviting you, Mike and all of the whores
>> who service the needy like me who can't score
>> but anyway, bring lots of rats from the shore
>> of the Hooch and I'll cook them with panache galore
>> until the skin crackles and they taste like albacore
>> and I'll wear my chef's hat and my white pinafore
>> and you can raise up the bum semaphore
>> just like you did when you were not in the Corps,
>> and we'll sell what is left at Sarah's bait store
>> but she says that showing her tits makes them sore
>> so we need to charge more if a glimpse sells some more
>> of my books that are gathering dust on the floor
>> but Amazon and Walmart are having a price war
>> on my book which I'm trying to sell door to door
>> and nothing's better with rat than old beans from my drawers.
>> "I've barbecued everthin' what walks, crawls, or flies,
>> I've barbecued flies, too, but that's no surprise,
>> An' y'all knows the best breasts, drumsticks, gizzards and thighs
>> Come from buzzards, while cats make the best "chicken" pies,
>> Dogs is good, but the tenderness varies with size…
>> I done roasted some kids till the neighbors got wise.
>>
>> "I've grilled skunk, chipmunk, 'possum, snake, lizard and toad
>> I've grilled leeches and roaches and mushrooms what growed
>> On some rotten wood branches -- and some of 'em glowed!
>> But you know there's been days when I'm in my chef's mode
>> An' the critters was hidin' like they somehow knowed,
>> An' I get so damn hungry, I'm like to explode…
>> Then I squat on my grill like it was a commode
>> An' I lets down my trousers and drops me a load
>>
>> "Like a big ol' cow patty or two, three of four
>> An' if'n they's guests fo' dinner, I drops me some more,
>> Folks calls me 'Grilly Willy,' an' y'all can be sure
>> That my burgers buys booty from the local whore."
>> -- Will Donkey, "The Shadowville Mythos: Ode to My Slurp-puppet"
>
> Exquisite!
>
STANDING-FUCKING-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!