And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

And here's where you can find The Vertical Plain Mini:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Miniseries/Vertical.Plain/

And another Integrity Questers Miniseries!

And it's the Vertical Plain #2 by Stephane "Kid Anarky" Savoie! Can
Kid Anarky be both in court and in various LNH stories that are probably
somewhere else on the whole LNH Timeline?! Will Kid Anarky promote the
NEW LNH Cereal?! Will some really polite terrorists rescue Kid Anarky
from his predicament?! And is it time for some Ominously Shadowey Figure
to watch all of this on some mysterious monitor somewhere while silently
thinking the word, Soon?!!!

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #298

=====================
Vertical Plain #2
=====================

BY: STEPHANE SAVOIE

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>_VERTICAL PLAIN - Ascent to Nothing_ #2<<<<<<<<<
"Now what?"
{Cover shows what appears to be a large jar holding a Kid
Anarky with no bones. This is positioned on a chair next to
judge turned to it with a word baloon from his mouth which reads
'How do you plead?'. Simutaneously, some very Liefeld-esque
figues are smashing through a wall in the background, led by a
man with glowing nose and a gun larger than he is.}

"Sorry I'm late." said Kid Anarky, entering the office of his
justly-appointed representative.
"Late? LATE? Good lord, man, you were summoned to court, oh,
at least _ten_ issues ago!" said his lawer, Mr. Snodgrass.
"Well, look, I'm sorry. What else can I say? I was saving
the universe again.
Look, all I wanna know is what this is all about, okay?" said
Kid Anarky, taking a seat in one of the thickly padded leather
victorian chairs.
"I had thought the summoning had made it painfully clear:
your wife and children are suing you for negligence, and failure
to devote some angst-time on their behalfs. I seems simple
enough to me." explained the lawyer to KA as if he were something
he might clean out from underneath sink (although he had never
looked there himself. What else were servants for?).
"Well, there is one minor problem with this." KA tried to
explain.
"I really can't see what _that_ could be. It all seems
legally in order. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another
appointment. Your court date is set for today at 3:00 PM.
Do _try_ to show up." expounded the lawer as he pressed a button.

Seconds later, two burly guards showed up the excort KA out.
"But... but... but... but..." stuttered our hero as he was
properly kicked out of the building.
"Gosh. You'd think my own lawer would treat me better.
Of course, it's not as if I can afford a real lawer. I didn't
bring any funds with me." pondered Kid Anarky.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
----Back at LNHQ-----
Getting back to the HQ, he noticed something was amiss.
"Something is amiss." he thought to himself.
"What is it? Hmmm...." Kid Anarky stood there thinking long
and hard, staring at the pile of rubble which had been the
Legion's Headquarters.
Several minutes later he came to a startling conclusion:
"Must just be my imagination." he said to himself wandering off
to wait for his court appointment, hoping he would be able to get
to the bottom of this mystery which was his life...

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"Do you, a Mr. Kid Anarky swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing _but_ the truth." grumbled the elderly judge.
"I do." said Kid Anarky, trying to spot his "dearly beloved"
and offspring in the courtroom.
"Very good. Be seated." muttered Judge Whopper.
"Kid Anarky..." The amazement was quite obvious on the
judge's face as KA suddenly disappeared to take part in Lost
Cause Boy Special #1.

---A SHORT TIME LATER------
The courtroom was getting bored. The sudden and inexplicable
disappearance of Kid Anarky had kind-of put a damper on the mood.
Suddenly, with a flash, KA reappeared.
Well, it might have been him.
It was rather hard to tell. What had at some point probably
been a human figure had been pulverized almost beyond
recognition. The only real identifying feature was his familiar
black, grey, and blue costume.
"Ah. You're back." said the Judge. "Well, we'll now resume.
I have to say that your sudden disappearance doesn't add to my
faith in your responsability, Mr. Anarky."
"glup" said the pulverized mass which might or might not have
been KA.
"Well, Mr. Anarky, if that is in fact your real name..."
started the procecuting attorney, when suddenly the doors to the
courtroom slammed open, many reporters
pouring throught the open doors, armed with those cameras with
the rediculously large bulbs on top and fedoras mwith a card
marked 'press' on it.
"Kid Anarky, is it true you're been accused of negligence?"
"Have you ever been married before?"
"Did you approve of these new action figures?"
"Have you ever considered show business?"
"Are you going to promote the new LNH Cereal?"
"Have you ever been captured by aliens, met Elvis, or gained
and lost lots of weight?"
Kid Anarky didn't say much, seeing as how he was held
immobile by the portable med-unit he had been poured into.
"Out. Out! OUT!" screamed Judge Whopper, creating very
artistic if structurally unsound fracture marks as he pounded his
mallet onto his desk. The security guards present quickly pushed
all the reporters out of the room.
"You can do this!", "We have rights!", "Ever heard of
Freedom of the Press?!". The sound of the yelling reporters were
rapidly muffled as the doors were closed and sealed.

"Now, shall we continue?" said Whopper looking increasingly
annoyed.
"Yes, your honor. Mr. Anarky here is what is s commonly
known as a "Super Hero" and is a member of the..." the
prosecuting attorney quickley glanced at his notes, "the so-
called 'Legion of Net.Heroes'. Despite this..." the lawyer was
suddenly interupted, as an explosion was heard.
Immedeatly following this explosion, another explosion was
heard, this one quite louder as it was occuring in the room of
the trial itself. This was also represented by the large hole
which had suddenly appeared in the wall and rain of debris.
Quickly, large costumed figures entered the room. Their
fanboy-squiggle-filled artstyle contrasting wildly with the
somber atmosphere of the courtroom.
"Nobody move! Freeze! We are... The Save the Mutants
Foundation!" said a figure with a flashing nose. He had a
crescent-moon-shaped tattoo across his face, and was carrying a
gun larger than he was (and he was biiiiiig...) "Kid Anarky!
We've come to rescue you!"
"But..." muttered the barely concious Kid Anarky...
"Worry not if you do not recognize me, for we have never
met. I am TELEGRAM!! and I and my band of mutant follower have
vowed to aid any oppressed mutants!" declared the figure.
"but..." said KA, his bone-structure now nearly rebuilt be
the med-unit.
"For, the forces of the humans, who can never accept us into
their society, shall not stop us from our goal of..." continued
Telegram...
"Wait!" said KA.
"What is it? How can we impress our cause onto the human if
I am not allowed to finish my monologue?" said Telegram,
tapping his foot impatiently.
"I'm not a mutant." said Kid Anarky.
"What? But... but... DICE!" stammered Telegram.
"Oooops." said a female with white skin and six large black
dots on her face.
"Well, that's alright," commented KA. "Now, if you could be
so kind as to undo these bonds..." KA pointed at the leather
straps holding him down.
"Sorry. If you're not a mutant, that wouldn't serve
anything. What's the point." explained Telegram. Turning to the
Judge, he said "Ever so sorry. Really. My deapest regrets. I
hope you can take it upon yourself somewhere in your heart to
forgive me. You really have no idea how sorry I am. Here, let
me give you a phone number, you can call to bill the wall on..."
After Telegram had given the Judge his business card, he
quickly left , bringing his disappointed followers (Bowling-Ball,
Warpaint, Gar-Feral, and Batter-Score) with him.
"What a very polite terrorist. How unusual. Hmmm.
Well, shall we continue?" said the Judge.
"Ummm.... yes. Oh yes. Yes indeed.
Mr. Anarky, you claim that..." suddenly the lawyer was
interupted by the unexpected and explicable total destruction of
the wall just opposite the the one just destroyed by the Save the
Mutant Foundation.
The reason for it's being so explicable was that it was very
obvious to see that a person had smashed through it. This figure
was wearing a yellow spandex costume with a blue cape, underwear,
and boots. He wore no mask, only a pair of very nerdy glasses,
and had a large blue and red 'U' on his chest.
"Fear not, for UltraDude is here!" shouted the strangely clad
character.
"Cease and desist, vile villians, for..." the person suddenly
stopped and looked around, looking very confused.
The assembled mass of people in the courtroom's collective
jaws all dropped to the ground.
"Um, excuse me, could I help you?" said Kid Anarky.
"Errr, yes. You wouldn't happen to have seen a large group
of mutie villains have come through here, would you?" said
UltraDude.
"Why, yes. They just left through that wall." explained KA,
indicating the aforementionned wall with his head.
"Thank you, citizen! You're help has been much appreciated!"
said UD, flying off toward the ceiling.
"Well, no problem. Would you possibly mind" started KA, as
he saw UltraDude crash through the ceiling, leaving as abruptly
as he had appeared. "setting me free..." he trailed off...

"How strange. I've never had a case so chaotic in my entire
life..." commented Judge Whopper.
"Umm, excuse me judge. I'd like to ask ask a few question
if you don't mind..." said Kid Anarky.
"Well, I don't know..."
"Good. Well, first of all, something I've been wondering
for while is this: you people keep mentionning my wife and
children."
"Correct"
"Aha. And are they present?"
"Well, no, they'll b joining us later."
"Aha. And this doesn't seem at all unusual to you?..."
"Well, no. Not really."
"And the fact that I'm only 18 years old doesn't bother you
either?"
"Umm... no."
"Hmmm. What if I were to tell you I have never been married
and have no children."
"What??!! Good lord, man! Of course you do..." started the
judge.
"Your honor, I protest" exclaimed the prosecuting attorney.
"Overruled. I am intrigued. Continue Mr.Anarky..." said
the judge.
"Well," strarted Kid Anarky as he disengaged himself from
the Med-Unit and started pacing in front of the judge. "The
single piece of evidence that proves my innocence by proving
that, in fact, I have no wife and children, is that..."
suddenly, Kid Anarky dissappeared with a streak of yellow.
"Good Lord. We're never going to get this done..."

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"I don't..." Kid Anarky looked around. He didn't seem to be
court anymore. He didn't seem to be court anymore. He didn't
seem to be on the ground anymore. He seemewd to be being carried
in yellow-clad arms.
"UltraMoron, what the heck are you doing!!!" screamed Kid
Anarky.
"Never fear, UltraDude is here! I've come to rescue you! I
couldn't let you, Kid Anarky, a member of the Net.Patrol (, my
heroes), come to any harm!" said UD nobly.
"You moroon. You idjut. You total, utterly,
incremprehensibly utter SmegHead!!!" shouted Kid Anarky.
"No need to thank me, I'm only doing my... huh?" UltraDude
looked confused.
"You total, utter..." re-started KA.
"No, no. You already said that. What do you mean. What's
wrong?"
"What's wrong? I was about to prove my innocence. You
are..." Kid Anarky stopped as he noticed he was not on the ground
anymore. As a matter of fact, he was very much not on the ground
anymore. He would have been quite impressed with the level of not
being on the ground if he hadn't been scared out of his mind.
He started sweating profusely and stuttering "d d d d down.
Da--ooon. Doon. DA-one."
"Hmm. But... oh. Down." UltraDude quickly landed in a
neary alley.
After KA had regained his breath a few minutes later, he
started explaining to UD how, in "rescuing" him, he had pretty
much condemned him. Tears formed around the eyes of UltraDude.
Soon he started crying.
"Bwaaaaah! Y..you don't like me! Mwaaaaa! I've insulted
Kid Anarky! >sniff< Bwaaa-ha-han.." (yes, that's crying, not
laughing).
"Oh, come on. I didn't mean it." he soothed, thinking 'what
a wimp!'.
While he soothed UD, KA noticed a large hole appear in the
brick wall beside him. Lost Cause Boy flew through the air,
ramming through the wall on the opposite side of the alley.
"Hmm." thought Kid Anarky. "I don't remeber LCB being able
to fly. Or having invulnerability." While he contemplated this,
UltraDude looked up, a look of hero worship in his eyes. "Oh
wow! Lost Cause Boy! Two Net.Patrollers in one day! Maybe I
can get him to autograph my cape..."
Both of their contemplations were interupted a few seconds
later as an extremely large muscular figure with nasty-looking
spoons sticking out all over his body made the hole in the brick
wall even larger, following the same path LCB had taken.
"Good lord! Lost Cause Boy's in trouble! We have to help
him." KA turned to UltraDude, "UltraDip, here's a chance for you
to redeem yourself! We must save LCB!"
"What? Fight that huge guy? Um... um.... oh, gee, look at
the time. Gotta go. I think I hear my mother calling. I detect
trouble in Net.York with my ultra-hearing. I've got the stove
on. BYE!" UD quickly flew off, crashing through the few remains
of the brick wall left, leaving KA behind to dodge the brick
shards.
"Darn!! Well, to work..."

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Somewhere else An Ominously Shadowey Figure watched it all on a
moniter. Good! He had managed to extricate himself from another
difficult situation. Soon, The Agent would be ready.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[What's going on here? This issue wasn't worth waiting that
long for? Sheesh, what a waste. And there wasn't that babe
Panta in it. Or any fight scenes. I shoulda just bought another
copy of Panta #4 instead...]

SHUT UP!
WHAT'S GOING ON? WILL KID ANARKY PROVE HIS INNOCENCE? WILL
WE EVER GET TO DEE THESE WIFE AND KIDS? WILL WE EVER GET TO SEE
THOSE CHEAP CABLE AND X-FORCE RIP-OFFS, OR THE WIMPY SUPERMAN
PARODY AGAIN? WHO IS THAT MYSTERY VILLIAN? IS OUR HERO IN
TROUBLE (stupid question, actually)?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M NOT
SHOUTING! I ALWAYS TALK LIKE THIS!
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CLUB?...
wham wham wham wham wham wham wham wham wham wham wham wham...

Next issue blurb: First, read both Lost Cause Boy #1 and 2.
Then join us here again for next part, featuring a special
"Funeral for a Pal" tie-in, where Kid Anarky finally reveals his
Secret Origin (tm)!

Kid Anarky (c) by me.
Lost Cause Boy (RIP) Doug
Save the Mutants Foundation (SMF) a cheap gag. <Make your
donation today!!>
UltraDude (tm), like hey, why not?

**********************************************************************
kid / * Steph Savoie Acadia U, Nova Scotia, Can
____/ |_ * a.k.a. KID ANARKY <<003695S@axe.acadiau.ca>>
/ / | \ * ["Men used to sell their souls for immortality,
___|_/_____|__|___ * now they sell them for jobs. The human souls
/ | | * devalued currency; oh how the devil must be
/ \______|_/ * laughing..." - Grant Morrison, HellBlazer #26]
/ | * alt.comics.lnh: Continuity? What's that?
**********************************************************************

==========

Next Week: Some more Integrity Quester Action!!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer