On 4/23/23 5:27 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> First Off we have Ultimate Ninja #3 by Raymond "wReam" Bingham
> (Part Eleven)! Is it time for wReam to finally be edited by
> Dvandom?!

GASP

> And is the
> Keyboard indeed mightier than the sword?!! (I mean wouldn't want to
> fight some guy who had sword with a keyboard -- but that's just me.)

I guess it depends on if it's one of those edgy gamer keyboards. You could put
an eye out with those.

> ************************************************************************
> * * in the NonSense Fyles! *
> * * *
> * KID / * Ahhhh. Kid Anarky... You must think you have *
> * ____/ |_ * something to do with this story, BUT YOU DON'T!*
> * / / | \ * You're .sig looked like a trading card and *
> * ___|_/_____|__|___ * since the comic was behind schedule you get the*
> * / | | * Honor of being in this one! Feel the honor *
> * / \______|_/ * and grovel at the gates of serendipity... *
> */ |NARKY! * (LNH 1992 (c) (well sortof)) *
> ************************************************************************

XD I mean fair!

> Due to the lack of character development in this series, and the incredible
> gaps in continuity from the different writers, this writer has chosen to take
> the next 100 pages and develop each character.

Honestly I feel like there's been a lot of good character development. X>

> 'Reb has been keeping something from me,' She thought sullenly. 'I don't
> know how long I can continue this LNH life if I can't even trust my closest
> friend.'

Yes valid. @-@

> "Have you been crying? Is there something wrong?" Rebel Yell asked.
> 'Of course I have you big dope! And gee, like you wouldn't be able to
> guess that there was something wrong! You idiot! Its you!' Lurking Girl
> thought in her head but only responded with, "Oh, I was a bit overwhelmed by
> the scenery."
> "It is quite amazing. Almost looks like a painting!" 'You dope! That
> is because this is a comic book! Of course it looks like a painting!' Rebel
> Yell mentally kicked himself. Something else was wrong but whenever he got
> around Luri he would freeze up and all that came out was small talk. "Well I
> just wondered, because you have been sort of distant lately." Rebel Yell then
> retreated. That was as close to his true feelings as he was going to get and
> he mentally flogged himself all the way down the hall to the transport quarters
> of the great troop transport flying thingy.

But this is really good. X>

>
> In another part of the ship Ultimate Ninja was flogging himself. 'Dumb,
> dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. How could I be so dumb?' The Z-team encounter had
> proven to the master of oriental mysticism that he was not as invulnerable as
> he had believed. He had really botched that encounter. 'The Z-Team really
> aren't even bad dudes, a bit maverick and misguided but no more than I am,'
> Ultimate Ninja thought to himself.

It's fascinating how different wReam's characterization of UN is from a lot of
later ones.

> wReamed Acton Lord brooded at the past. Something awfully weird was in
> the air. Maybe it was the effects of Bambi's drugs. Somthing bad is going to
> happen soon, he could just tell. Gee, and Bambi seemed so real. wRAL pouted
> sadly. He could never get relationships to work out.
> "Ummmm. There is a big troop ship coming in close," Girl Next Door
> (tm) reported.
> 'Perhaps a relationship with her? Nah, relationships never work out
> with the Girl Next Door (tm),' thought Acton Lord. 'I had best get ready for
> the assault. Life stinks. I hate this life.'

Wow, this is a really different Acton Lord too. X>

> "Tantalizing Teens #1."
> List Lad was convinced that there never was a team called the
> Tantalizing Teens! But here was conclusive proof. Someone has been messing
> with the very fabric of reality!
> 'Either that or I am getting really senile.'

heeheehee. X> Ah, yes, I see.

> The heroes and villains of LNH and NLF clash in a nice splash page.
>
> So begins the battle... Did I develop enough or did you want more?

It was actually a very good job. |>

> Occultism Kid and Typo Lad were the first to react to this menace.
> Occultism Kid did an animate shoes spell and PYLON's legs began to dance madly.

Heeheehee

> Ultimate Ninja made his way through the warring heroes and around the
> villains. His battle was not with these misguided fools, his was with Acton
> Lord and he was not going to waste time wearing himself out on this rabble.

Guy thinks he's the main character ersumthin...

> "There! Now that I have caused them to LAG why don't you all pick them
> off!" LAGNETO strained. "Hurry you idiots! I can't save you all the time!"
> All of a sudden Lagneto's eyes went pale. Lurking Girl towered over
> him as he dropped to the ground squirming in pain as he moved in and out of
> disentegration phase. "Taste the totality of my Lurking Ability in your
> brain!"

lol

> From the shredded mess came a voice, "I'm not dead! RUSH_FANs NEVER
> DIE..."
> The entire group moaned in agreement. There is nothing more heinous
> than a Rush fan.

I mean, I like them okay? But considering their connections to libertarianism,
I'm sure they have some *really* annoying fans.

> "Oh Reb! Come here." Said a weird looking Typo Lad. Needless to say
> Mistake was taken out quickly. Firstly because only Lurking Girl calls Rebel
> Yell 'Reb' and second because it was spelled correctly...

X>; Ah, ignoble beginnings...

> wReamed Acton Lord turned to see Ultimate Ninja and then smiled. "So
> this is it then? The duel to the death, or have you come to remove another of
> my nonvital organs?"
> Ultimate Ninja leveled the Ginsu death blade in front of him and
> prepared his stance. I will not let him excite me into doing something stupid,
> Ultimate Ninja recited in his brain over and over...

*Very* interesting.

> +====================+ +================================+
> H\\\\\||||||||||/////H H The Sword of Sig in the H
> H\\\|||| /\ ||||///H H Nonsense File H
> H\\\\\\\ || ///////H H If I were to tell of this H
> H-\\\\\ || /////-H H wondrous item now, I would H
> H--\\\ || ///--H H be giving away too much of H
> H---\ || /---H H the heavily-laboured plot, H
> H---- || ----H H so I'll just shut up for H
> H---/ || \---H H the nonce. H
> H--/// \_II_/ \\\--H +================================+
> H-///// () \\\\\-H
> H///|||| () ||||\\\H
> H/////||||||||||\\\\\H
> +====================+

X>

> In the bowels of the Acton Manor in the Grey Area of the Moon, the
> Watchdog observed silently and invisibly as Mr. Minister labored under the
> weight of his incapacitated brother. Pain shot through his body with every
> step, but if he could only reach the CHAMBER, he could initiate Operation
> Triple Crown and summon the Four Jockeys of the Apocalypse to serve him.

ooooooh ahhhhh. :o I see.

> "Y'know, this was easy," remarked Cliche Dude. "TOO ea<mphlrhghu!>"
> "DON'T SAY IT!" shouted Rebel Yell as he muffled Cliche Dude.

X3

> But it was
> too late. Already robot guardians were pouring out of hidden panels in the
> well-groomed lawns. And while the LNH had to be very careful not to damage to
> dome that sustained the atmosphere, the robots had no such compunction....

Welp

> "That's why I brought THIS!" Contraption Man held up a little widget.
> "Before you ask, this is the Sig.Library of Sig.File Man (he called himself Man
> later in life) from our archives, encoded onto an RNA matrix. It should do the
> trick. Or...."
> "OR WHAT?" asked everyone in unison, dreading the answer.
> "...or kill him by sig.overdose. But it is the only way. Do we do it?"

GASP!

> Organic Lass was the first to speak. "Go for it. Don't let the fact that
> I'm named in his life insurance policy make you think I'm biased or anything."

Heeheehee

> In COMA, Electrocutioner (nee Entertainment) was getting bored with MUD
> wrestling. After toying with the idea of MUCK or MOO wrestling, he grew
> despondent.

X3

> And thus it went, until eventually the X-Ove...er, Guest Star Squadron
> left COMA for new adventures. Coming soon to every comic near you, as every
> comicbook team near you.

Heeheehee

> The computer room was a mess. Ninja Bush protruding from consoles, chairs
> cut in half and their nylon stuffing floating gently in the air, parts of wall
> corrupted into twisted mockeries of the concept 'wall', and so on.

Ooooooh, lovely scene-setting.

> As we go down the hallway, we see the destruction and radically revamped
> decor continues. And down some stairs. And down another hall. And finally we
> reach wRAL and Ultimate Ninja, pausing briefly in their battle.

X3

> "You forget, I am also a master of all the quasi-mystic pseudo-oriental
> arts of the Ninja! That is a Tao, symbol of balance. By taking on an Absolute
> quality, you offended the Balance."
> Acton Lord blasted at the disc, but barely slowed it.
> "The Balance WILL be restored. You shall be united with your opposite.
> Absolute power over Absolute NOTHING!"
> "NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo..........." screamed Acton Lord as the
> disc touched him, and he shrank to a singularity.
> "Absolute power, teeny little living space," muttered Ultimate Ninja.

Heeheeheehee. X>

> "I'd like to know myself what I'm doing. I think this must be a delusion
> brought on by my unstable condition."
> "All of life is a delusion. Just some of it better written.

This is Dave really starting to come into his own. :D

> "You must change, and control that change, Sig.Lad. If this is but a
> dream, you should be able to do it," urged the boy.
> Sig.Lad grimaced, and willed the holes in his hand to close. Then he
> grasped the sword again. It coiled and tried to crush his hand, but merely
> flowed though and was grasped again. Sig.Lad pulled the Sword out an inch.
> The pommel became flame, but Sig.Lad did not burn. Another inch. It became a
> viper and bit him, but he abosrbed the poison and passed it harmlessly.
> Another inch. It became a data stream, but his hand became a cyberjack and
> took the input. Another inch. AND OUT!

:D :D :D

> Sig.Lad held the Sword up. "I can feel it in my mind! This is not the
> Sword of Change, it is the Sword of Sig! And I'm cured! I don't know how this
> is really happening, but I'm really here! And I'm CURED!"

Yesssssss.

> "No, he disposed of himself. I tricked him into believing I had the power
> to destroy him, and he destroyed himself.

Ohohoho.

> "Give up, Sig.Lad! You know I will win in the end! I am your future!
> Already a part of you has succumbed to the inevitable and become me [see Sound
> of Clashing Metal #4 - Editor Boy]! This plot device is preordained! You
> cannot fight the canon!"
> "There *IS* no inevitability! The future is ours to create! There is no
> canon, only the mosaic of possibilities! Plot King may beat me into the ground
> for this later, but life is not laid out in a neat plot! There are often no
> distinct beginnings, middles or ends to the story, and rarely do we see all the
> elements."

Yesssssss. :D Infinite stories!

> "How can you defeat that which you cannot even face? The source of my
> existence is in the Real World, and you are confined to the net.worlds! What
> can you possibly do?" Acton Lord grinned evilly, meaning to enjoy the
> suffering Sig.Lad was going through.
> Sig.Lad held the Sword of Sig aloft, then brought it down to point at
> Acton Lord. "We can WRITE. If the pen is mightier than the sword, the
> keyboard is mightier still! Humor and satire have always been powerful weapons
> against tyranny. All of us in the Legion of Net.Heroes are warriors in this
> fight. By our satire, by criticizing the industry in our stories, we take a
> stand against the evils we percieve. Even our enemies in the net.worlds are
> devoted to this cause. Whether you light a candle or curse the darkness, you
> have defied the dark!"

YES. :D :D :D Gosh. This was always so inspiring to me.

> Sig.Lad
> TWISTS
> the blade and Acton Lord
> gasps
> and closes his eyes in pain.
> Sword is withdrawn
> Blood gouts
> Going into shock
> Falls to the ground
> Gasps, "You have only won a symbolic victory...
> I *will* return...HAHAHAHAcckkkkk!!!!"
> Dies.
> "But that is the best kind of victory against a symbolic foe," says
> Sig.Lad softly as the dome ripples out of existence.

*vociferous applause!*

> Slow pan back to show the torn field of battle, villains lying dead or
> unconscious and heroes weary and battered, and Sig.Lad in the center of a large
> open space, looking to the sky.
> Sig.Lad holds his Sword of Sig to the sky and shouts, "Keep the Dream
> alive! LONG LIVE THE LEGION!!!!"
>
> The Song is over, but the singing shall coninue....

WOOOOOO :D

Drew "heck of a climax" Nilium