On Tuesday, June 15, 2021 at 9:14:59 PM UTC-4, Zobovor wrote:
> So, which episode is lying to us?

Uh...maybe both?

> But I would at least expect him to move with a little more purpose and speed.

Yeah...I do like this episode, but this opening "action sequence" is pretty bad.

> This episode was animated by Toei's top-notch crack animation team, and yet it's such a waste of their talents. I've never hated an episode this much that looked this good.

Here I'll have to strongly disagree. I'm very glad this episode didn't end up in the Akom pile. I can just imagine how they would have bungled all these beautiful Cybertron scenes.

> Finally, Spike and Carly escape through a gap, and Shockwave cannot follow. They find themselves inside a large chamber with a glowing energy pool at the bottom. Spike checks in with Sparkplug via thumb radio, and he confirms that they've stumbled into the master computer. (On Teletraan I's monitor, it's labeled as the "DECEPTIKON COMPUTER BRAIN." Everybody knows "Deceptakon" is spelled with an "a.")

It is pretty cool how Teletraan can generate a pretty accurate visual representation of the scene. TF tech may as well be magic sometimes.
> Carly is still stumbling along and almost falls over, so Spike finally just scoops her up. I guess it's supposed to be a chivalrous moment, but Carly is visibly annoyed. She finally resigns herself to allowing Spike to carry her around like a sack of potatoes. Sparkplug provides directions through the thumb-radio and guides them to the location of Wheeljack's old laboratory.

I had forgotten Wheeljack's old lab was in this episode too. That place (or places...no reason he couldn't have more than one) sure turns up a lot in these "back to Cybertron" episodes doesn't it?
> So, is Swoop lying? Or is the space bridge creating alternate realities with radically different unfoldings of events? I really wish I knew. Because "Desertion of the Dinobots" part 1 cannot take place in the same continuity, or the same universe, as "Desertion of the Dinobots" part 2.

I'm no astro-physicist by any means, but this is actually as good an explanation as any I've read. Maybe a lot of inconsistencies in the show can be explained by Shockwave mucking about with the space-time continuum every time he activates the spacebridge, even if by accident. Based on Season 1 it seems like that thing is basically a trans-dimensional portal that enables you to bypass vast distances through space nearly instantly. That seems like the kind of thing that could have...consequences.

> Swoop reveals that the Decepticons are still searching for him, but that the other Dinobots have been taken to mine the cybertonium pits. Spike and Carly resolve to find it and free them. Carly, incidentally, has instantaneously recovered from her sprained ankle. When Spike takes note of this, she offers lamely, "I... I think it's better!" I guess our takeaway is that Carly was faking the injury so that Spike would carry her around, even though she complained very loudly when he started to do so? Man, I don't get women.

That's ok, women don't get women either. Carly was just playing hard to get.. I think women are actually easy to understand...IF you just throw logic and reason out the window. It's like that old Simpsons joke where Homer has "to think like Flanders" to find him, and somehow correctly deduces "the Springfield River!"
> Spike and Carly are total opposites. While Carly is enrapt with Cybertron's landscape and scenery, Spike just grouses about how big the staircases are.

Carly is my kind of girl. I love the scenery here too. Incidentally, Spike was punching way above his weight class when he landed her somehow.

> The trio encounters an old mass transit system with cylindrical cars that travel through some kind of glass tubes. It's like the elevators on the Jetsons. (Back in the 1960's, everybody thought pneumatic tubes were going to be the future.) Swoop manages to understand and operate the controls to the mass transit car, despite "Dinobot Island" establishing that the Dinobots don't know how to read.

That was several episodes back, maybe he learned? Also, in fairness, it was Spike who said they can't read, and he's a filthy anti-Dinobot racist.
> I will confess that the moment when the transport vehicle changes orientation and the kids freak out is kind of funny. You think it's going to launch, and instead it falls through the tube backwards.

I thought it was funny! Most of the (intentional) humor on this show kind of falls flat for me, but this was a cute moment.

> Eventually, the ride ends because one of the tubes is shattered. Honestly, I'm surprised the technology even worked at all. This is an example of how much padding was added to the episode to make it a two-part story. You could have removed the entire mass transit sequence and absolutely nothing important would be lost. It's just Swoop and the kids getting from point A to point B.

Sure, it's padding, but it's good padding. I tend to like tight, character driven stories and just wandering around enjoying the scenery. I enjoy this much more than the random tomfoolery of Part 1. That whole first act with the ultra-plane or whatever it was called was padding too.

> At one point, they find a room that contains... a bunch of dead robots? Empty shells? Not sure. They're just sitting there. Carly identifies them as the ancient ancestors of the Autobots. You can kind of tell they're early designs. Again, though, this is just such a pointless scene. It's completely random. It tells us nothing important and does not tie into the larger story at all.

It's world building. Maybe not very consistent world building with later parts of the franchise, but I appreciate the attempt. You just gotta sit back and take in the wonder of it all.

> If they were looking for filler content, a "B" story, then why not have Swoop bump into the Jumpstarters? Maybe the two could have befriended Swoop and they could have led our heroes to the cybertonium pits. Meeting them on Cybertron would make sense (the characters don't have Earth vehicle modes, after all).

This is not a bad idea at all. This is as good a time as any to ask...just why *were* the Jumpstarters not included in the cartoon, anyway? I've seen their character model sheets so I know it was at least considered at one point. I know Whirl and Roadbuster were imports from other toylines and Hasbro got cold feet about that kind of thing (Skyfire, etc) but weren't the Jumpstarters originally designed for Transformers? I checked the Walki. but you may or may not be surprised to hear that it wasn't much help.

> It kind of makes you wonder why Cybertron is essentially a big death trap.. Was it designed this way by the Quintessons? Maybe to discourage wayward slave robots from wandering around on the planet unsupervised? Or are these Decepticon-engineered traps designed to catch unsuspecting Autobots?

It could be, or it could even be an Autobot trap for Decepticons. Cybertron was a war zone for God knows how long, it could've been left by anybody. After all, there are still unexploded mines sitting around in the jungles of Vietnam and Cambodia, to this day.

> Okay, so they get to the cybertonium pits. Oh, wait. No, they don't. There's more filler content. It's probably the most egregious filler in any episode. It's essentially a "Secret Files of Teletraan II" segment, inserted into the middle of the episode content. An unseen narrator (voiced by Frank Welker) talks about the early days of the Autobot-Decepticon war, describing how Cybertron used to be peaceful until the Decepticons launched an offensive against the Autobots. Lots of colorful generic characters populate this segment, all designed by Floro Dery.

I love this part!

> While not quite as definitive as the Matrix flashback from "Five Faces of Darkness" part 4, this segment does establish how it was the Autobots who innovated the art of transformation as a tactic to counter the Decepticon offensive. Also, we learn that there have been periods where the Autobots have been in control of the planet and other times when the Decepticons were running things.
>
> There's a cool-looking purple robot with spikes on his body who appears to change sides. He's part of the footage showcasing the Decepticon offensive, but then he's shown during a scene demonstrating the Autobots' new transformation powers, fighting alongside that group.

You mean the guys turning into the tank and green car with the big guns? He didn't change sides, those are Decepticons. That purplish guy with the broad shoulders on the left of the screen was there before too.

> Sentinels are blasted, chomped, and melted until nothing stands between the Dinobots and their escape.

The lead guard (the guy with the monitor in his chest) definitely seemed like a sentient being, so that's at least one on-screen kill for Slag, maybe more if the same applies to the guys on treads. They're not really typically designed for Decepticons but then, neither is Shockwave.

>They find another pneumatic tube, flying into it rather than using a transport car. They make their way to the Decepticon command chamber where Shockwave awaits. Shockwave manages to score a hit and blasts Swoop's wing, but he just sails into the teleport chamber and escapes with the others.

Swoop gets nailed in the same wing too! It's just not his day.
> Sparkplug is waiting when the space bridge opens back up near Autobot Headquarters, delivering Spike and Carly and the Dinobots and the cybertonium. Later, the Autobots have been repaired, and Spike and Carly are declared honorary Autobots and get cool, shiny medals.
>
> The Dinobots elect to take orders from the Autobots from now on. "Until next time," Grimlock adds, "Me, Grimlock, no feel like it." I have no idea what this means. It seems like such a total non sequitur. What a horrible way to end the episode. But, at least that means it's over!

I like the ending! Everyone makes it home, the humans get cool medals, Spike gets a kiss, Prime and Grimlock have a bit of a rare bro moment, and Grimlock still leaves us assured he's not selling out or going soft. And we won't see him again until the Movie anyway.

One thing I noticed...see how there's only 4 Dinobots standing around? Where's Swoop? He's there, lying prone on the table in the bottom right when the shot pulls back. But he's really easy to miss, because his right wing is mis-colored orangey-gold like the table, (Wheeljack is presumably repairing it) and his right wing is missing altogether. But his blue back and Pteranodon crest are unmistakable.

> This episode did nothing for me. It's awful.
I felt that way about Part 1, so I know how you feel. The opening with Shockwave was pretty bad, I'll definitely grant you. But I like the Dinos, I like Carly, and I love Cybertron. Even Spike managed to contain his annoyingness a bit more than usual. Maybe Carly is good for him.

As for the Decepticons...we know they had their Cybertonium pit, so they were never really in danger of Shockwave not getting some more down to them (eventually). And we know that Prime is too much of a boy scout to move in to finish them all off in the meantime, which he easily could have. After all...that's what Megatron would've done, right? Well...no...Megatron probably would've talked big but then made a speech about finishing the Autobots off "at his leisure" or something.

Didn't have time to type up a review of my own (I am absolutely swamped this summer) but I enjoyed revisiting the episode to talk a little shop here. A final parting thought for me...when I was a little kid, I always vividly remembered this one as "that episode with the special green energon cubes". :P