Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.

Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
Fairbairns one day.

Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
spell Fox."

I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
have changed be a terrible obstruction?

What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?

--
Linda ff

On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:
> Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
> nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
> enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
> have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
> Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
> 2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
> Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
> tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
> name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
> Fairbairns one day.
>
> Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
> that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
> was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
> addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
> always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
> spell Fox."
>
> I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
> decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
> name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
> make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
> of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
> I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
> middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
> American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
> marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
> discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
> certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
> number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
> have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?
>

It doesn't sound at all eccentric, rather a lovely acknowlegment of
someone who was such an important part of you.

I have no experience of changing names (one of the upsides of being
stale, pale and male) though my ex-wives seem to manage perfectly well.
The nearest I can come to any useful advice is that my youngest has a
non-hyphenated double surname and most people cope. Occasionally a
hyphen will slip in but flick through an old school directory of his
reveals several pupils with similar structure and one with a surname of
the form "X Y-Z". I think the ruke these days is that there is no rule.

john

Linda Fox <linda.ff@ntlworld.com> wrote:
> Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
> nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
> enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
> have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
> Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
> 2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
> Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
> tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
> name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
> Fairbairns one day.
>
> Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
> that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
> was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
> addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
> always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
> spell Fox."
>
> I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
> decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
> name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
> make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
> of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
> I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
> middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
> American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
> marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
> discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
> certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
> number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
> have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly
>
>

FWIIW LFF, why not stay as you are? Changing anything that involves
government departments, banks, financial institutions, legal niceties,
local authorities and almost anything else that uses forms, paperwork or
oaths, will bite back at the most difficult moments.

I don’t normally use my first name; my mother may have liked it but I
definitely (or as Wunderkind writes, defiantly!) do not! I find myself
having to explain why for financial and legal porpoises I use my first
initial, but at all other times, use my second.

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

On 03/01/2023 13:17, John Ashby wrote:

<snip>
>
> I have no experience of changing names (one of the upsides of being
> stale, pale and male) though my ex-wives seem to manage perfectly well.
> The nearest I can come to any useful advice is that my youngest has a
> non-hyphenated double surname and most people cope. Occasionally a
> hyphen will slip in but flick through an old school directory of his
> reveals several pupils with similar structure and one with a surname of
> the form "X Y-Z". I think the ruke these days is that there is no rule.
>
> john

Off topic anecdote. I once worked with someone called David Whitehorne,
a less common spelling, and he'd often explain it to whoever on the 'phone.

One day, he showed me a letter he'd received addressed to 'David
Whitehorn-Withaney'.

--
Cheers
Clive

On Tuesday, January 3, 2023 at 1:27:57 PM UTC, Mike wrote

> I don’t normally use my first name;

I don't use my first name either - I was never meant to, my parents having decided that RAW as initials were a bad idea, and preferred ARW. I think it's still better now the final letter has changed to M!

Rosemary

On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?

It makes perfect sense to me. When I changed back to using my maiden
name, after my marriage broke down, I simply signed a deed of change,
which documented my change of name and stated that I would no longer be
known by my married name. It was then pretty straightforward, if
possibly tedious, to get everything changed into my new name.

The only organisation which caused difficulties was a building society
where I had an account. They were adamant that the deed I showed them
was merely a photocopy and they wanted an original. This was the
original but I'd signed it in black fountain pen, so there were no nice
reassuring dents from a blue biro and nor was it adorned with any fancy
stamps. Needless to say, I was being constantly assured that this was
all for my protection, to prevent any ne'er-do-well from stealing my
account. The only way to resolve this was for me to close the account
(signing the forms with my married name), taking the proceeds as a
cheque made out to my maiden name. They never did manage to explain how
this had protected me...

--
Best wishes, Serena
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns
it on, I go to the library and read a good book (Groucho Marx)

Rosemary Miskin <fp53hxy@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Tuesday, January 3, 2023 at 1:27:57 PM UTC, Mike wrote
>
>> I don’t normally use my first name;
>
> I don't use my first name either - I was never meant to, my parents
> having decided that RAW as initials were a bad idea, and preferred ARW.
> I think it's still better now the final letter has changed to M!
>
> Rosemary
>

And IIRC, didn’t you once have a ‘puter with an ARM chipset?

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:
> Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
> nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
> enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
> have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
> Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
> 2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
> Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
> tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
> name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
> Fairbairns one day.
>
> Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
> that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
> was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
> addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
> always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
> spell Fox."
>
> I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
> decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
> name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
> make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
> of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
> I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
> middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
> American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
> marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
> discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
> certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
> number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
> have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?
>
I think that provided you aren't doing it for fraudulent porpoises you
can call yourself whatever you like. Changing by Deed Poll makes it all
very legal and official but is not necessary.

My daughter, the product of my first marriage, decided to change to my
2nd husband's surname a little while after I married him. We simply
told everyone and that was it. I think it was when she got married that
she had to produce her Birth Certificate but the fact that it showed a
different name didn't seem to matter a jot.

--
Jenny M Benson

On Tuesday, January 3, 2023 at 3:35:33 PM UTC, Mike McMillan wrote:
> And IIRC, didn’t you once have a ‘puter with an ARM chipset?

Well remembered!

Rosemary

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 06:32:40 -0800 (PST), Rosemary Miskin
<fp53hxy@gmail.com> wrote:

>On Tuesday, January 3, 2023 at 1:27:57 PM UTC, Mike wrote
>
>> I don’t normally use my first name;
>
>I don't use my first name either - I was never meant to, my parents having decided that RAW as initials were a bad idea, and preferred ARW. I think it's still better now the final letter has changed to M!
>
Wow! So you were an ARM before Acorn even came up with the idea?

Kudos!

Nick

Nick Odell <nickodell49@yahoo.ca> wrote:
> On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 06:32:40 -0800 (PST), Rosemary Miskin
> <fp53hxy@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> On Tuesday, January 3, 2023 at 1:27:57 PM UTC, Mike wrote
>>
>>> I don’t normally use my first name;
>>
>> I don't use my first name either - I was never meant to, my parents
>> having decided that RAW as initials were a bad idea, and preferred ARW.
>> I think it's still better now the final letter has changed to M!
>>
> Wow! So you were an ARM before Acorn even came up with the idea?
>
> Kudos!
>
> Nick
>

Which I suppose makes Acorn ‘A chip off the Old(er) Block’;-)))

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 15:19:02 +0000, Serena Blanchflower
<nospam@blanchflower.me.uk> a gribouillé dans la poussière...

>On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:
>> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
>> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
>> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?
>
>
>It makes perfect sense to me. When I changed back to using my maiden
>name, after my marriage broke down, I simply signed a deed of change,
>which documented my change of name and stated that I would no longer be
>known by my married name. It was then pretty straightforward, if
>possibly tedious, to get everything changed into my new name.
>
>The only organisation which caused difficulties was a building society
>where I had an account. They were adamant that the deed I showed them
>was merely a photocopy and they wanted an original. This was the
>original but I'd signed it in black fountain pen, so there were no nice
>reassuring dents from a blue biro and nor was it adorned with any fancy
>stamps. Needless to say, I was being constantly assured that this was
>all for my protection, to prevent any ne'er-do-well from stealing my
>account. The only way to resolve this was for me to close the account
>(signing the forms with my married name), taking the proceeds as a
>cheque made out to my maiden name. They never did manage to explain how
>this had protected me...

This tale, and Jenny's show how very simple AND complex it can be.

I changed to my husbad's surname upon my first marriage. Quite enjoyed
wandering round to the GP surgery, Bank, Building Society and so on, with
my birth and marriage certificates.

That was an ill-concidered union and one my mother never approved of. When
she died six months later it fizzled out - mostly because I couldn't cope
with the grief and guilt, but also because husbad couldn't cope with or
support me in that state.

I reverted to using my maiden name. Four years later I met the Husgod and
fell in love. Three years after that, d#1 was born and, much to my dismay,
the name I'd been using appeared on her birth certificate followed by
(otherwise known as Smith). Our daughter was given her father's name.

Before she started school, I thought it would be a good plan to have the
whole family using the same surname, so I 'made my declaration' (the
paperwork) with the help of our solicitor (who probably didn't approve).
Why it didn't occur to me to lose Penelope for Penny at the time, I've no
idea. I have never 'used' Penelope as a forename - only head teachers have
done that.

When we did get married some years later, the registrar suggested we
re-register the girls while we were there, so they do have birth
certificates with the AKA

This has become a slight problem since some offices of Government etc, are
happy to record me as Penny, others insist upon Penelope, and I can never
be sure which is which. I vote as Penny, I drive as Penny, I bank as Penny
(I think), but my last passport shows me as Penelope, as does my medical
card (though not my prescriptions).

I've been married twice (#1 & #3) as Penelope and once as Penny.
At least one of my children has my name as Penny on her birth certificate -
the husgod registered the birth.

So, individual registrars seem to make it up as the go along, though some
will be 'quite certain' how these things should be done.

I've stuck with the surname I picked for myself.

Changing your name is not difficult.
It can cause minor annoyances (many of them).
You can call yourself anything you like.
If you might need a definitive document to say who you _really are_, you
may need several verified copies of it to let anyone else know of the
change, without it taking years (expense).

Further cautions.
My late step mother was an English woman, the widow of an American, when
she (re)met my father. She called herself by a number of names (I think)
including her maiden name in conjunction with her 1st husband's name - she
has two children with his surname - or some combination including my
father's surname.

Her dementia was taking over by the time my father died. Before she lost
speech altogether she might say any number of things when asked for her
name. Her brother would correct her, my brother would correct her, no doubt
my father did too. She would argue. The trouble then, is the person who
asked the question - it all seems very suspicious...

She died three years ago and her probate has not yet been settled,
therefore neither has my father's (it's been 8 years). I dare say problems
over names comes into it.
--
Penny
Annoyed by The Archers since 1959

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 12:38:08 -0000 (UTC), Linda Fox
<linda.ff@ntlworld.com> wrote:

>Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
>nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
>enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
>have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
>Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
>2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
>Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
>tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
>name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
>Fairbairns one day.
>
>Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
>that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
>was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
>addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
>always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
>spell Fox."
>
>I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
>decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
>name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
>make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
>of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
>I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
>middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
>American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
>marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
>discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
>certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
>number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
>have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
>What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
>much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
>what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?

I became Vicky Ayech and the Arabic surname was quite useful when
teaching second language speakers English. It made a thing to discuss
and made some feel closer to me. I was Vicky ROth before, also not
very English. Actually Victoria is my middle name on my birth
certificate as my first name is Valerie, after my father's mother. My
mother preferred Victoria. It can cause confusion with passports,
driving licence and any official papers. And the NHS prefers Victoria
to Vicky. So I have enough explaining etc without changing the surname
now Capt Ayech is Capt Ex.

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 12:38:08 -0000 (UTC), Linda Fox
<linda.ff@ntlworld.com> wrote:

>Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
>nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
>enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
>have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
>Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
>2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
>Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
>tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
>name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
>Fairbairns one day.
>
>Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
>that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
>was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
>addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
>always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
>spell Fox."
>
>I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
>decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
>name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
>make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
>of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
>I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
>middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
>American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
>marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
>discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
>certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
>number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
>have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
>What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
>much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
>what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?

Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
was able occasionally to use her membership :).

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 15:19:02 +0000, Serena Blanchflower
<nospam@blanchflower.me.uk> wrote:

>On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:
>> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
>> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
>> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?
>
>
>It makes perfect sense to me. When I changed back to using my maiden
>name, after my marriage broke down, I simply signed a deed of change,
>which documented my change of name and stated that I would no longer be
>known by my married name. It was then pretty straightforward, if
>possibly tedious, to get everything changed into my new name.
>
>The only organisation which caused difficulties was a building society
>where I had an account. They were adamant that the deed I showed them
>was merely a photocopy and they wanted an original. This was the
>original but I'd signed it in black fountain pen, so there were no nice
>reassuring dents from a blue biro and nor was it adorned with any fancy
>stamps. Needless to say, I was being constantly assured that this was
>all for my protection, to prevent any ne'er-do-well from stealing my
>account. The only way to resolve this was for me to close the account
>(signing the forms with my married name), taking the proceeds as a
>cheque made out to my maiden name. They never did manage to explain how
>this had protected me...

A friend of mine in the USA decided to honour her late husband by
changing her name to his even though she had kept an earlier name
during their marriage. I think she saw her occasional brushes with
officialdom and officiousness as little acts of remembered love.

Nick

On 03-Jan-23 15:19, Serena Blanchflower wrote:
> The only organisation which caused difficulties was a building society
> where I had an account.  They were adamant that the deed I showed them
> was merely a photocopy and they wanted an original.  This was the
> original but I'd signed it in black fountain pen, so there were no nice
> reassuring dents from a blue biro and nor was it adorned with any fancy
> stamps.  Needless to say, I was being constantly assured that this was
> all for my protection, to prevent any ne'er-do-well from stealing my
> account.  The only way to resolve this was for me to close the account
> (signing the forms with my married name), taking the proceeds as a
> cheque made out to my maiden name.  They never did manage to explain how
> this had protected me...

A cynic writes:
It may or may not have protected you, but rest assured that the method
used reduced or eliminated any risk to the building society.

--
Sam Plusnet

On 03-Jan-23 18:04, Vicky wrote:

> Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
> his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
> was able occasionally to use her membership :).

Did anyone notice his plurality of wives?

It might have lead to one or two interesting conversations.

"Oh yes, the other three can't swim."

--
Sam Plusnet

On Tue, 3 Jan 2023 19:25:24 +0000, Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> wrote:

>On 03-Jan-23 18:04, Vicky wrote:
>
>> Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
>> his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
>> was able occasionally to use her membership :).
>
>Did anyone notice his plurality of wives?
>
>It might have lead to one or two interesting conversations.
>
>"Oh yes, the other three can't swim."

LOL

Linda Fox <linda.ff@ntlworld.com> writes:

> Over the New Year, in addition to making a new years resolution that had
> nothing to do with weight loss, fitness or tidying my house (clearing an
> enormous backlog of half-finished music scores on the computer) I found I
> have a posthumous urge to pay a personal tribute to TNMF: myself.
>
> Even before I finally moved to Cambridge permanently to live with him in
> 2000, he and I were both referring to me as lff, which is Linda Fox
> Fairbairns (apart from a very brief period when he wrote That Fox Woman or
> tfw - it didn't stick). Fox is my maiden name, not my previous married
> name. When I was first with him at the age of 16, I wanted to be Mrs
> Fairbairns one day.
>
> Yet when we married in 2002 it was decided, and noted by the registrar,
> that I would still sign as Linda Fox. I styled myself "Mrs Fox" because I
> was a married woman. Several family members send me cards and presents
> addressed to Linda Fox-Fairbairns, with or without the hyphen. But we've
> always explained the non-change by saying "I'm a teacher: children can
> spell Fox."
>
> I'm not finally settled on this yet, and I will need to make a lot of
> decisions regarding the extent of this. Would I go so far as changing the
> name on my passport, for example? What problems might I encounter? Will it
> make a difference whether or not I use a hyphen? I haven't normally thought
> of myself as a hyphenated Fox-Fairbairns. If I don't use the hyphen, would
> I then be presumed to be Mrs Fairbairns with the Fox relegated to being a
> middle name? This is the American style, isn't it? What happens when
> American girls get married? If you start off as Lisa Beth Brown and then
> marry a Mr Richmond, are you then Lisa Beth Brown Richmond, or is the Beth
> discarded? Would there be a problem with certification? I have a marriage
> certificate signed with his name and with mine as Linda Fox. Would the
> number of hoops I need to jump through to prove none of my circumstances
> have changed be a terrible obstruction?
>
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?

As Umrats are (mostly) aware I changed my name spectacularly in 1997 (I
had previously been un umra under my birth name). I did it by statutory
declaration (isn't "by deed poll" one of those things that is
automatically said even when it's not [necessarily] true like an
earthquake of magnitude x "on the Richter scale" or "Cockney" rhyming
slang?), which I drafted myself from a template circulated online among
a certain interest group) and had it witnessed by a tame solicitor in
the council's legal department. I had a sheaf of certified photocopies,
none of which I ever used. As a councillor, even one shunted to the
backbenches out of the way, I had a certain amount of clout that I could wield.

Mind you, that was over 25 years ago now and it's so much trickier these
days, dealing with banks and the passport office.

Rosie

Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> writes:

> On 03-Jan-23 18:04, Vicky wrote:
>
>> Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
>> his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
>> was able occasionally to use her membership :).
>
> Did anyone notice his plurality of wives?

Wasn't there something about a transaction involving a carton of
duty-free fags?

Rosie

On Tue, 03 Jan 2023 21:38:58 +0000, Rosie Mitchell
<walneyrose@gmail.com> wrote:

>Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> writes:
>
>> On 03-Jan-23 18:04, Vicky wrote:
>>
>>> Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
>>> his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
>>> was able occasionally to use her membership :).
>>
>> Did anyone notice his plurality of wives?
>
>Wasn't there something about a transaction involving a carton of
>duty-free fags?
>
>Rosie

Sorry? Don't understand this.

On Tue, 03 Jan 2023 18:04:03 +0000, Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> a
gribouillé dans la poussière...

>Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
>his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
>was able occasionally to use her membership :).

Oh, that sort of thing can be useful - never happened to me. I think Ray's
ex (who I get along with ok) is at least two surnames away from his, and I
never used it anyway, except, perhaps when he was a hospital patient.

What was less useful was repeated snotty letters from the company who
provided his mortgage insurance. The letters were addressed to his ex, at
my home and kept asking for premium payments on the account.

I was not very polite to them and still cannot fathom how such total
incompetence could occur, when they had already paid out on the policy. He
should have informed them about his divorce, of course, and generally made
things tidier, but still... at least they didn't pay out to her.
--
Penny
Annoyed by The Archers since 1959

On Tue, 03 Jan 2023 23:10:54 +0000, Penny <spam@labyrinth.freeuk.com>
wrote:

>On Tue, 03 Jan 2023 18:04:03 +0000, Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> a
>gribouillé dans la poussière...
>
>>Oh, keeping the name was useful when Capt Ex married again and joined
>>his new wife to the Lensbury Sports Club (Shell) , for swimming etc. I
>>was able occasionally to use her membership :).
>
>Oh, that sort of thing can be useful - never happened to me. I think Ray's
>ex (who I get along with ok) is at least two surnames away from his, and I
>never used it anyway, except, perhaps when he was a hospital patient.
>
>What was less useful was repeated snotty letters from the company who
>provided his mortgage insurance. The letters were addressed to his ex, at
>my home and kept asking for premium payments on the account.
>
>I was not very polite to them and still cannot fathom how such total
>incompetence could occur, when they had already paid out on the policy. He
>should have informed them about his divorce, of course, and generally made
>things tidier, but still... at least they didn't pay out to her.

I seem to remember Capt Ex was at sea and wife had gone home to Brazil
and I was having work done on my kitchen, so moved in to Capt Ex's
flat for a few days, which was in Putney, near the Lensbury. Or nearer
than N London, where I lived then.

On Tue, 03 Jan 2023 21:37:20 +0000, Rosie Mitchell <walneyrose@gmail.com> a
gribouillé dans la poussière...

>As Umrats are (mostly) aware I changed my name spectacularly in 1997 (I
>had previously been un umra under my birth name). I did it by statutory
>declaration (isn't "by deed poll" one of those things that is
>automatically said even when it's not [necessarily] true like an
>earthquake of magnitude x "on the Richter scale" or "Cockney" rhyming
>slang?), which I drafted myself from a template circulated online among
>a certain interest group) and had it witnessed by a tame solicitor in
>the council's legal department. I had a sheaf of certified photocopies,
>none of which I ever used. As a councillor, even one shunted to the
>backbenches out of the way, I had a certain amount of clout that I could wield.
>
>Mind you, that was over 25 years ago now and it's so much trickier these
>days, dealing with banks and the passport office.

Things have certainly got more difficult in recent years - sometimes
seeming impossible for the poor sod who needs to prove who they are. It all
depends who you are, who you are talking to and what you want.

When Ray was born, his grandmother opened a life policy with The Pru, in
his name, as she had done for his sisters. She paid into them for a few
years.

When I met him, Ray had a stash of various documents, including the,
apparently useless, deeds to a plot of land on a farm above Harlech.*
What he didn't have was his birth certificate, or the Insurance certificate
his grandmother gave him. At some point, his 'little' sister (much taller
than Ray) told him she had cashed in her insurance and it was worth having.

When we were packing up to move to Wales, I'd insisted he should bring the
land deeds, for interest, if nothing else. It never occurred to me he
wouldn't bring relevant and essential documents like Birth Certificate,
divorce documents and so on. He'd moved a few times since his divorce so he
could have lost these things some time ago. Trying to cash in his policy
with The Pru required his Birth Certificate at the very least, but, after
contacting them he did nothing more about it. He did get copies of his
Birth Certificate and divorce papers when we got married but did not pursue
the insurance payment at that time.

When he died, I had to sort out car insurance on his vehicle - more complex
than it should have been. Cancel his driving licence and notify various
other people, as you do. I eventually contacted The Pru, expecting
difficulties. They were very helpful, found the policy with no trouble, and
sent me a cheque. They didn't even want a copy of his death certificate.

* A group of campers and caravaners had purchased plots (£25) in the field
to ensure they could continue to holiday there and possibly building a
cabin on the site. Which they did, for the whole of August, for several
years. The farmer continued to put sheep on the land and everyone was
happy. Ray's dad built a caravan, towed it up there (from Great Barr) and
it remained there when the family were brought home. Along came the Town &
Country Planning Act 1947. Plot-owners were told they must remove any
'permanent' structures (including caravans). The farmer told Ray's dad he
could leave the caravan and he'd tell any inspector it was his lambing
caravan. Summers near Harlech continued for years.

I reckon those plot-holders could have made some sort of class action to
recover the money they'd spent. Even at an agricultural price, they would
surely have got more than £25 each for their investment.
--
Penny
Annoyed by The Archers since 1959

On 03/01/2023 12:38, Linda Fox wrote:

>
> What experience do any umrats have of this kind of thing? I found it so
> much simpler not to change my surname on anything when we got married; is
> what I'm now contemplating slightly eccentric?
>

'Scuse me coming into this conversation rather late (I was in Florida
for the new year. It was lovely) but I changed my surname about five
years after we married. I had kept my own family name partly because I
was still working, partly because we were both of mature years and
thought this was dignified, and partly because he has a daughter called
Katie who has kept her maiden name as is customary in Greece and the
clash would have been awkward. After a few years particularly travelling
in France, I became aware that if something happened to either of us
when travelling it could be difficult to prove next of kinship, so
decided to incorporate his name with mine. Not in the American style,
where the maiden name goes in the middle, but in the Dutch style, where
it goes at the end. And not hyphenated, just two words.

For some institutions I had to send copies of my marriage certificate,
others accepted it without a problem - I started with passport and
driving licence, and once they arrived everything was much easier. I now
have a magnificently unwieldy surname of which I am rather proud. People
get used to it. It also means I get addressed as Kate B, Mrs Q, Ms QB,
'err how do you say that', and other variations, none of which is
bothersome as long as the name is there properly on the paper.

As for the first name - all my legal docs say Kathryn, though I sign as
Kate, and I find that quite useful. No-one has ever jibbed at the
discrepancy.

So I'd say, go for it if you would like to. It will take a few months to
complete and a lot of nagging and spelling corrections, but it is
perfectly possible and very satisfactory when done.

You'll always be LFF to us in any case!

--
Kate B