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aus+uk / uk.media.radio.archers / Christmas Cracker jokes

SubjectAuthor
* Christmas Cracker jokesSam Plusnet
+* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesRosie Mitchell
|+- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesIain Archer
|`* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesJ. P. Gilliver
| `* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesClive Arthur
|  `- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesJ. P. Gilliver
`* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesJohn Ashby
 +* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesMike McMillan
 |`* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesVicky
 | +* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesMike McMillan
 | |+* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesJ. P. Gilliver
 | ||+* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesIain Archer
 | |||`* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesRosie Mitchell
 | ||| `* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesIain Archer
 | |||  +- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesMike McMillan
 | |||  `- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesRosie Mitchell
 | ||`- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesMike McMillan
 | |`- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesRosie Mitchell
 | `* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesPenny
 |  `- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesMike McMillan
 +- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesRosie Mitchell
 `* Re: Christmas Cracker jokesPaul Herber
  `- Re: Christmas Cracker jokesJohn Armstrong

1
Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: not...@home.com (Sam Plusnet)
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 by: Sam Plusnet - Tue, 26 Dec 2023 18:59 UTC

By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.

With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:

What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
vestibule?

Chess nuts
Boasting in an
Open Foyer.

(Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)

Anyrat have a worse example?

--
Sam Plusnet

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: rcmitch...@golgonooza.co.uk (Rosie Mitchell)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Tue, 26 Dec 2023 20:56:21 +0000
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 by: Rosie Mitchell - Tue, 26 Dec 2023 20:56 UTC

Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> writes:

> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>
> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>
> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
> vestibule?
>
>
>
>
> Chess nuts
> Boasting in an
> Open Foyer.
>
> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)

Of course if you pronounce "foyer" properly is isn't even a joke, let
alone a bad one.

Rosie

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: ian...@montaigne.me.uk (Iain Archer)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
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 by: Iain Archer - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 00:29 UTC

On Tue, 26 Dec 2023 20:56:21 +0000, Rosie Mitchell wrote:

> Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> writes:
>
>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>
>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>
>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>> vestibule?
>>
>> Chess nuts Boasting in an Open Foyer.
>>
>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>
> Of course if you pronounce "foyer" properly is isn't even a joke, let
> alone a bad one.

Even before that, it doesn't really survive the change of "on" to "in".
I think it's another generative AI effort, part of a foreign actor's ongoing
covert morale lowering campaign.

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: G6J...@255soft.uk (J. P. Gilliver)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
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 by: J. P. Gilliver - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 00:27 UTC

In message <87il4khedm.fsf@golgonooza.co.uk> at Tue, 26 Dec 2023
20:56:21, Rosie Mitchell <rcmitchell@golgonooza.co.uk> writes
>Sam Plusnet <not@home.com> writes:
>
>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>
>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>
>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>> vestibule?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Chess nuts
>> Boasting in an
>> Open Foyer.

Oh, that one's been around a few years, and I like it!
>>
>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>
>Of course if you pronounce "foyer" properly is isn't even a joke, let
>alone a bad one.
>
>Rosie

Ah, like me, you probably wonder why London and some other cities
has/have a mare.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)Ar@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

I know people who worry more about the health consequences of drinking a coffee
at breakfast than a bottle of urine at dinner
- Revd Richard Cole, RT 2021/7/3-9

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: johnashb...@yahoo.com (John Ashby)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:23:31 +0000
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 by: John Ashby - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:23 UTC

On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>
> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>
> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
> vestibule?
>
>
>
>
> Chess nuts
> Boasting in an
> Open Foyer.
>
> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>
> Anyrat have a worse example?
>

Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.

Yule Logs
Tan gerines
High exp ectations
Bessel toe
and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.

Do mathrats have others?

john

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: toodle.p...@virginmedia.com (Mike McMillan)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Mike McMillan - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30 UTC

John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:
> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>
>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>
>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>> vestibule?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Chess nuts
>> Boasting in an
>> Open Foyer.
>>
>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>
>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>
>
> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>
> Yule Logs
> Tan gerines
> High exp ectations
> Bessel toe
> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>
> Do mathrats have others?
>
> john
>
>
>

And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: rcmitch...@golgonooza.co.uk (Rosie Mitchell)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:41:15 +0000
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 by: Rosie Mitchell - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:41 UTC

John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> writes:

> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>> vestibule?
>>
>>
>> Chess nuts
>> Boasting in an
>> Open Foyer.
>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>
>
> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they
> were.
>
> Yule Logs
> Tan gerines
> High exp ectations
> Bessel toe
> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>
> Do mathrats have others?

The sinhing star on the tree

Rosie

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: vicky.ay...@gmail.com (Vicky)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:49:57 +0000
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 by: Vicky - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:49 UTC

On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
<toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:

>John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>>
>>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>>
>>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>>> vestibule?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Chess nuts
>>> Boasting in an
>>> Open Foyer.
>>>
>>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>>
>>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>>
>>
>> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
>> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>>
>> Yule Logs
>> Tan gerines
>> High exp ectations
>> Bessel toe
>> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>>
>> Do mathrats have others?
>>
>> john
>>
>>
>>
>
>And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
>Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?

Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
the moment.

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: pau...@paulherber.co.uk (Paul Herber)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:07:58 +0000
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 by: Paul Herber - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:07 UTC

On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:23:31 +0000, John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:

>On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>
>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>
>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>> vestibule?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Chess nuts
>> Boasting in an
>> Open Foyer.
>>
>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>
>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>
>
>Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
>was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>
>Yule Logs
>Tan gerines
>High exp ectations
>Bessel toe
>and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.

The inside angels of a triangle add up to 180.

--
Regards, Paul Herber
https://www.paulherber.co.uk/

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: toodle.p...@virginmedia.com (Mike McMillan)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48:12 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Mike McMillan - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48 UTC

Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>
>> John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:
>>> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>>>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>>>
>>>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>>>
>>>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>>>> vestibule?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Chess nuts
>>>> Boasting in an
>>>> Open Foyer.
>>>>
>>>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>>>
>>>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>>>
>>>
>>> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
>>> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>>>
>>> Yule Logs
>>> Tan gerines
>>> High exp ectations
>>> Bessel toe
>>> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>>>
>>> Do mathrats have others?
>>>
>>> john
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>
> Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
> and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
> better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
> the moment.
>

If sheep lie down (on their side) they can’t get up again,

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: G6J...@255soft.uk (J. P. Gilliver)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
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 by: J. P. Gilliver - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07 UTC

In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48:12,
Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
[]
>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?

I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it -
with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons, I
don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or cat
does ...
>>
>> Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
>> and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
>> better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
>> the moment.
>>
>
>If sheep lie down (on their side) they can’t get up again,
>
.... and that suggests they can't sit either.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)Ar@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

I have never liked children, even when I was one.
- Miriam Margolyes (RT 2014/11/1-7)

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: ian...@montaigne.me.uk (Iain Archer)
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Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:23:09 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Iain Archer - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:23 UTC

On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07:37 +0000, J. P. Gilliver wrote:

> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48:12,
> Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>>Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
> []
>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the
>>>> ground.
>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>
> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it -
> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons, I
> don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or cat
> does ...

I've just tried imagining a sitting sheep, and it was sitting knitting. Strange.

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: rcmitch...@golgonooza.co.uk (Rosie Mitchell)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:50:32 +0000
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 by: Rosie Mitchell - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:50 UTC

Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes:

> Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>>
>>> John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:
>>>> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>>>>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>>>>
>>>>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>>>>
>>>>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>>>>> vestibule?
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Chess nuts
>>>>> Boasting in an
>>>>> Open Foyer.
>>>>>
>>>>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>>>>
>>>>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
>>>> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>>>>
>>>> Yule Logs
>>>> Tan gerines
>>>> High exp ectations
>>>> Bessel toe
>>>> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>>>>
>>>> Do mathrats have others?
>>>>
>>>> john
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>>
>> Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
>> and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
>> better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
>> the moment.
>>
>
> If sheep lie down (on their side) they can’t get up again,

That sounds like me in the morning.

Rosie

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
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 by: Rosie Mitchell - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:51 UTC

Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> writes:

> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07:37 +0000, J. P. Gilliver wrote:
>
>> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48:12,
>> Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>>>Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>> []
>>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the
>>>>> ground.
>>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>>
>> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it -
>> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons, I
>> don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or cat
>> does ...
>
> I've just tried imagining a sitting sheep, and it was sitting
> knitting. Strange.

In a rowing boat, perchance?

Rosie

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: cli...@nowaytoday.co.uk (Clive Arthur)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 12:05:25 +0000
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 by: Clive Arthur - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 12:05 UTC

On 27/12/2023 00:27, J. P. Gilliver wrote:

<snip>
>
> Ah, like me, you probably wonder why London and some other cities
> has/have a mare.

Weston has a super one, and she's friends with Champion the Wonder Horse.

--
Cheers
Clive

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Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 15:39:56 +0000
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 by: Penny - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 15:39 UTC

On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:49:57 +0000, Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> scrawled
in the dust...

>Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
>and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
>better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
>the moment.

I took some photos a while back of a recumbent ewe with her two lambs, one
of which was lying on her back. When she stood up and wandered off, the
lamb was standing on her back. In her case, I reckon she just wanted a rest
from feeding them, so was protecting the source.
--
Penny
Annoyed by The Archers since 1959

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: toodle.p...@virginmedia.com (Mike McMillan)
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Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
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 by: Mike McMillan - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 16:03 UTC

J. P. Gilliver <G6JPG@255soft.uk> wrote:
> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023 10:48:12,
> Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>> Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
> []
>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the ground.
>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>
> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it -
> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons, I
> don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or cat
> does ...
>>>
>>> Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
>>> and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
>>> better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
>>> the moment.
>>>
>>
>> If sheep lie down (on their side) they can’t get up again,
>>
> ... and that suggests they can't sit either.

I believe the problem is that once on their sides, sheep have not the
wherewithal to get up again; if the ‘sit’ down, they can use their two
legs* to push themselves up again.

*Not a typo, a sheep or lamb only has two legs as far as butchers are
concerned at least, the front limbs are ‘shoulders’.

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

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From: toodle.p...@virginmedia.com (Mike McMillan)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 16:06:01 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Mike McMillan - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 16:06 UTC

Penny <spam@labyrinth.freeuk.com> wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:49:57 +0000, Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> scrawled
> in the dust...
>
>> Don't cows lie down when it's going to rain? So if sheep lie down
>> and it's winter does that mean it's going to snow? This might be a
>> better way to forecast weather. They are trying to predict snow at
>> the moment.
>
> I took some photos a while back of a recumbent ewe with her two lambs, one
> of which was lying on her back. When she stood up and wandered off, the
> lamb was standing on her back. In her case, I reckon she just wanted a rest
> from feeding them, so was protecting the source.

Perhaps she felt the lamb was getting on her teats?

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: ian...@montaigne.me.uk (Iain Archer)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:50:47 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Iain Archer - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:50 UTC

On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:51:17 +0000, Rosie Mitchell wrote:

> Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> writes:
>
>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07:37 +0000, J. P. Gilliver wrote:
>>
>>> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023
>>> 10:48:12, Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>>>>Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>>> []
>>>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the
>>>>>> ground.
>>>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>>>
>>> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it
>>> -
>>> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons,
>>> I don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or
>>> cat does ...
>>
>> I've just tried imagining a sitting sheep, and it was sitting knitting.
>> Strange.
>
> In a rowing boat, perchance?
>
No, I don't recognise that one. Definitely in a field. I've been wondering
whether it might be from something in the cartoons John mentioned, that I
hadn't remembered as such, but which had nevertheless left a trace. I'm
now halfway to formulating a theory, about what I'll probably call the
collective unconscious.

Iain

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: toodle.p...@virginmedia.com (Mike McMillan)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:56:58 -0000 (UTC)
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 by: Mike McMillan - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:56 UTC

Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:51:17 +0000, Rosie Mitchell wrote:
>
>> Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> writes:
>>
>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07:37 +0000, J. P. Gilliver wrote:
>>>
>>>> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023
>>>> 10:48:12, Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>>>>> Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>>>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>>>> []
>>>>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the
>>>>>>> ground.
>>>>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>>>>
>>>> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it
>>>> -
>>>> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons,
>>>> I don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or
>>>> cat does ...
>>>
>>> I've just tried imagining a sitting sheep, and it was sitting knitting.
>>> Strange.
>>
>> In a rowing boat, perchance?
>>
> No, I don't recognise that one. Definitely in a field. I've been wondering
> whether it might be from something in the cartoons John mentioned, that I
> hadn't remembered as such, but which had nevertheless left a trace. I'm
> now halfway to formulating a theory, about what I'll probably call the
> collective unconscious.
>
> Iain
>
>

I vaguely remember a cartoon of many years ago featuring a sheep
contentedly knitting its’ own wool into a garment.

--
Toodle Pip, Mike McMillan

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: rcmitch...@golgonooza.co.uk (Rosie Mitchell)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2023 19:07:11 +0000
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 by: Rosie Mitchell - Wed, 27 Dec 2023 19:07 UTC

Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> writes:

> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:51:17 +0000, Rosie Mitchell wrote:
>
>> Iain Archer <ianews@montaigne.me.uk> writes:
>>
>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 11:07:37 +0000, J. P. Gilliver wrote:
>>>
>>>> In message <umgvdc$3t144$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023
>>>> 10:48:12, Mike McMillan <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> writes
>>>>>Vicky <vicky.ayech@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:30:11 -0000 (UTC), Mike McMillan
>>>>>> <toodle.pip1@virginmedia.com> wrote:
>>>> []
>>>>>>> And whilst we aren’t on the subject of:
>>>>>>> Whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night all seated on the
>>>>>>> ground.
>>>>>>> Q: Who is doing the sitting - the shepherds, the sheep, or both?
>>>>
>>>> I always assumed it was the shepherds, but actually: thinking about it
>>>> -
>>>> with the possible exception of in some Wallace&Gromit/Shaun cartoons,
>>>> I don't think I've ever seen a real sheep _sit_ in the way a dog or
>>>> cat does ...
>>>
>>> I've just tried imagining a sitting sheep, and it was sitting knitting.
>>> Strange.
>>
>> In a rowing boat, perchance?
>>
> No, I don't recognise that one.

Through the Looking Glass. John Tenniel.
https://fromoldbooks.org/r/g/110-Alice-and-the-Sheep-in-a-Rowing-Boat-q75-419x500.jpg

Rosie

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: G6J...@255soft.uk (J. P. Gilliver)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
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 by: J. P. Gilliver - Thu, 28 Dec 2023 05:42 UTC

In message <umh3u7$3tjo1$1@dont-email.me> at Wed, 27 Dec 2023 12:05:25,
Clive Arthur <clive@nowaytoday.co.uk> writes
>On 27/12/2023 00:27, J. P. Gilliver wrote:
>
><snip>
>> Ah, like me, you probably wonder why London and some other cities
>>has/have a mare.
>
>Weston has a super one, and she's friends with Champion the Wonder Horse.
>
At least Weston's is _spelt_ mare (although I think it's from a Latin
word that would have had two syllables). But the London one (and in
other places that have them) is spelt in a way that, to me, definitely
has two syllables; it should rhyme with "player". As do flower and flour
(they're _not_ "flar").
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)Ar@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

And if you kill Judi Dench, you can't go back home. - Bill Nighy (on learning
to ride a motorbike [on which she would be side-saddle] for "The Best Exotic
Marigold Hotel"), quoted in Radio Times 18-24 February 2012.

Re: Christmas Cracker jokes

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From: jja...@blueyonder.co.uk (John Armstrong)
Newsgroups: uk.media.radio.archers
Subject: Re: Christmas Cracker jokes
Date: Thu, 28 Dec 2023 09:42:30 +0000
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 by: John Armstrong - Thu, 28 Dec 2023 09:42 UTC

On 27/12/2023 10:07, Paul Herber wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Dec 2023 09:23:31 +0000, John Ashby <johnashby20@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> On 26/12/2023 18:59, Sam Plusnet wrote:
>>> By tradition these are meant to be corny, but there ought to be limits.
>>>
>>> With Christmas dinner yesterday, I found the following:
>>>
>>> What do you call Chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel
>>> vestibule?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Chess nuts
>>> Boasting in an
>>> Open Foyer.
>>>
>>> (Well I sufferedm so I can't see why you lot should escape.)
>>>
>>> Anyrat have a worse example?
>>>
>>
>> Not from a cracker (in fact of my own invention) but a local hostelry
>> was advertising Festive Functions which led me to wonder what they were.
>>
>> Yule Logs
>> Tan gerines
>> High exp ectations
>> Bessel toe
>> and you'll do the washing up after Christmas dinner in the kitchen sinc.
>
> The inside angels of a triangle add up to 180.

Indeed. And the outside angels add up to 900 - 5 times as many.


aus+uk / uk.media.radio.archers / Christmas Cracker jokes

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