My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My OH have always been burners.

The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money" We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a miser.

I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?

I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?

I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The question is simple for me.

aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:

> he told me that funeral costs were very expensive

My dad and I together chose a cardboard coffin and cremation for mum, and given
he was happy with that (it does at least pretend to look like wood) I chose the
same for him, a fairly basic funeral with hearse plus one car, pall bearers, a
service sheet and a celebrant about £4k in both cases

> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford
> better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave
> or worse, burn me to save money?

Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your wishes as your
executor?

Pre-pay your own funeral?

On Thu, 05 May 2022 16:56:47 +1000, aprilswee...@gmail.com
<aprilsweetheartrose@gmail.com> wrote:

> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be
> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My OH
> have always been burners.
>
> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were
> very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for
> the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money" We
> dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of my own
> from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to working for
> 40 odd years and having some money from that although that always ended
> up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH thinks he earned all that
> money, not me). He is something of a miser.
>
> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
> afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to
> a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?

Divorce him

Kill him

Grab half the savings and run

> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family
> and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can
> make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?

See above.

> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and wherefores
> of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The question is
> simple for me.

On Thu, 05 May 2022 17:11:50 +1000, Andy Burns <usenet@andyburns.uk> wrote:

> aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>
>
>> he told me that funeral costs were very expensive
>
> My dad and I together chose a cardboard coffin and cremation for mum,
> and given he was happy with that (it does at least pretend to look like
> wood) I chose the same for him, a fairly basic funeral with hearse plus
> one car, pall bearers, a service sheet and a celebrant about £4k in both
> cases

She said she doesnt want that in the next sentence.

>> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
>> afford
>> better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a
>> paupers grave
>> or worse, burn me to save money?
>
> Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your wishes
> as your executor?

He can just ignore the will unless you pick an executor who will force it
to be carried out.

> Pre-pay your own funeral?

On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 8:11:57 AM UTC+1, Andy Burns wrote:
> aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>
>
> > he told me that funeral costs were very expensive
> My dad and I together chose a cardboard coffin and cremation for mum, and given
> he was happy with that (it does at least pretend to look like wood) I chose the
> same for him, a fairly basic funeral with hearse plus one car, pall bearers, a
> service sheet and a celebrant about £4k in both cases
> > I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford
> > better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave
> > or worse, burn me to save money?
> Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your wishes as your
> executor?
>
>
> Pre-pay your own funeral?

I know some people think 4K is a lot of money. I dont. I have more than that available.
After all, it is my money. I have no real desire to see it left to people who will probably holiday on it.
I have never had a holiday as it was always deemed to "Cost too much". I wont have one now as life has changed post covid.

They can have whats left - a large sum as well as a house . My OH is next of kin but clearly he isnt to be trusted.

On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be
> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My
> OH have always been burners.
>
> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were
> very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for
> the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money"
> We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of
> my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to
> working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although
> that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH
> thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a
> miser.
>
> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
> afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off
> to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
>
> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family
> and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can
> make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
>
> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and
> wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The
> question is simple for me.

Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.

--
Cheers,

John.

/=================================================================\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\=================================================================/

In message <29b0f4b1-9ab2-4514-9197-69ba6cebd890n@googlegroups.com>,
"aprilswee...@gmail.com" <aprilsweetheartrose@gmail.com> writes
>On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 8:11:57 AM UTC+1, Andy Burns wrote:
>> aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>>
>>
>> > he told me that funeral costs were very expensive
>> My dad and I together chose a cardboard coffin and cremation for mum,
>>and given
>> he was happy with that (it does at least pretend to look like wood) I
>>chose the
>> same for him, a fairly basic funeral with hearse plus one car, pall
>>bearers, a
>> service sheet and a celebrant about £4k in both cases
>> > I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford
>> > better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a
>> >paupers grave
>> > or worse, burn me to save money?
>> Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your
>>wishes as your
>> executor?
>>
>>
>> Pre-pay your own funeral?
>
>I know some people think 4K is a lot of money. I dont. I have more than
>that available.
>After all, it is my money. I have no real desire to see it left to
>people who will probably holiday on it.
>I have never had a holiday as it was always deemed to "Cost too much".
>I wont have one now as life has changed post covid.
>
>They can have whats left - a large sum as well as a house . My OH is
>next of kin but clearly he isnt to be trusted.

April. Ultimate carcase disposal must be close to the minds of many in
here.
My own thoughts are to cause as little trouble as possible and to avoid
burdening my descendants. Graves require maintenance!

There may be some comfort in creating a permanent memorial but
realistically your lifetime achievements are more important.

My parents generation have all been cremated and their ashes scattered
either where they wanted or where it was thought they were once at their
happiest.

--
Tim Lamb

On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My OH have always been burners.
>
> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money" We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a miser.
>
> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
>
> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
>
> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The question is simple for me.
>

Ask him to surprise you. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

"Pancho" <Pancho.Dontmaileme@outlook.com> wrote in message
news:t503dq$8n0$1@dont-email.me...
[talking about burial versus cremation]
> Ask him to surprise you. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

As in the wonderfully funny and yet moving "Lost For Words"
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0174882/quotes?ref_=tttr_ql_trv_4 (first
quote) - Annie was played by none other than Thora Hird.

In article <$XzEVXx$A5ciFwFG@marfordfarm.demon.co.uk>,
Tim Lamb <tim@marfordfarm.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> In message <29b0f4b1-9ab2-4514-9197-69ba6cebd890n@googlegroups.com>,
> "aprilswee...@gmail.com" <aprilsweetheartrose@gmail.com> writes
> >On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 8:11:57 AM UTC+1, Andy Burns wrote:
> >> aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> >>
> >>
> >> > he told me that funeral costs were very expensive
> >> My dad and I together chose a cardboard coffin and cremation for mum,
> >>and given
> >> he was happy with that (it does at least pretend to look like wood) I
> >>chose the
> >> same for him, a fairly basic funeral with hearse plus one car, pall
> >>bearers, a
> >> service sheet and a celebrant about £4k in both cases
> >> > I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford
> >> > better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a
> >> >paupers grave
> >> > or worse, burn me to save money?
> >> Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your
> >>wishes as your
> >> executor?
> >>
> >>
> >> Pre-pay your own funeral?
> >
> >I know some people think 4K is a lot of money. I dont. I have more than
> >that available.
> >After all, it is my money. I have no real desire to see it left to
> >people who will probably holiday on it.
> >I have never had a holiday as it was always deemed to "Cost too much".
> >I wont have one now as life has changed post covid.
> >
> >They can have whats left - a large sum as well as a house . My OH is
> >next of kin but clearly he isnt to be trusted.

> April. Ultimate carcase disposal must be close to the minds of many in
> here.
> My own thoughts are to cause as little trouble as possible and to avoid
> burdening my descendants. Graves require maintenance!

> There may be some comfort in creating a permanent memorial but
> realistically your lifetime achievements are more important.

> My parents generation have all been cremated and their ashes scattered
> either where they wanted or where it was thought they were once at their
> happiest.

My in-laws both had a church funeral service, then the bodies were
cremated. The ashes were buried in their church grounds. So, you can have
both ideas happening

--
from KT24 in Surrey, England
"I'd rather die of exhaustion than die of boredom" Thomas Carlyle

On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 9:52:31 AM UTC+1, Tim Lamb wrote:

> My own thoughts are to cause as little trouble as possible and to avoid
> burdening my descendants. Graves require maintenance!
>
> There may be some comfort in creating a permanent memorial but
> realistically your lifetime achievements are more important.
>

What lifetime achievements? I found out recently, when I retired , that anything I achieved in my life and career have been pretty non commendable , not even worth a line in the works magazine under " Leavers and Retirement." Here today, forgotten as soon as you walk out the door.

I have money enough to maintain a grave if that is needed also. After all, if I am worth whatever I leave behind, surely they shouldnt begrudge a few quid to see me laid to rest as I wish. They can galavant on the rest ( plenty left for that I would imagine). My aunt left me a decent inheritance gained by not being profligate and saving . All she asked was that her wishes onto death be followed. I did that. My mum has left her instructions. I will follow them. Me though, I have to have a bunch of cheap skate untrustables around me. It will cost more just to ensure I am put to rest decently.

Not all of us believe in nothing and leaving everything to those who would gad the night away when we are gone. I didnt pick my relatives well I fear..

On Thu, 05 May 2022 09:45:29 +0100, John Rumm wrote:
>
> Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
> instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.

and if you are having difficulty in finding someone trustworthy (who will
not be manipulated by others) then banks or solicitors will act as
executors. Not cheap but they will do precisely as they are instructed
in a Will.

On Thursday, 5 May 2022 at 09:45:33 UTC+1, John Rumm wrote:
> Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
> instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.

That's about it.
Also, put in the Will that any costs for any other type of funeral are not to be paid from estate funds (that may not be legally enforceable), or if they are, they are to come out of husband's share of the estate.

Owain

On 05 May 2022 at 10:19:07 BST, Bev <Bev@invalid.com> wrote:

> On Thu, 05 May 2022 09:45:29 +0100, John Rumm wrote:
>>
>> Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
>> instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.
>
> and if you are having difficulty in finding someone trustworthy (who will
> not be manipulated by others) then banks or solicitors will act as
> executors. Not cheap but they will do precisely as they are instructed
> in a Will.

This is IMO the best advice. And if you go to a solicitors, ensure that they
understand you don't want to be contacted by phone at home or by mail. If you
have a mobile give them that number. That way you can keep your actions in the
matter to yourself.

Not sure why everyone is saying what *they* intend to do. Seems to me
sweetheart is asking for advice as to how to achieve what *she* wants to do.

--
What you must understand is that, for today's left intellectuals, education is useful only to the extent that it endorses their prejudices. Beyond that, they refuse to go.

Roger Scruton

On 05/05/2022 09:45, John Rumm wrote:
> On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>> My OH  and I have very different ideas about funerals.  I want to be
>> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My
>> OH have always been burners.
>>
>> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
>> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were
>> very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for
>> the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money"
>> We dont need to save money is the first point here.  I have money of
>> my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to
>> working for 40 odd years and having  some money from that although
>> that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH
>> thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a
>> miser.
>>
>> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave.  I can
>> afford better.   Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off
>> to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
>>
>> I know people ignore wills.  Many have been sidestepped in my family
>> and my OH's. Burned,  lost, and plain ignored.   Is there a way I can
>> make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
>>
>> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and
>> wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The
>> question is simple for me.
>
> Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
> instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.

+!

However, remember that, these days, a burial plot is normally not yours
forever. What you buy is a right to exclusive use for a set period,
usually between 50 and 100 years. After that time, notices will be
posted on the headstone and, if known, sent to the holder of the right,
asking if the right is to be renewed, for a payment. If not, the body
will not be disturbed, but the headstone may be removed and another body
buried in the same plot.

--
Colin Bignell

On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 10:30:33 AM UTC+1, Colin Bignell wrote:
> On 05/05/2022 09:45, John Rumm wrote:
> > On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> >> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be
> >> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My
> >> OH have always been burners.
> >>
> >> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
> >> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were
> >> very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for
> >> the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money"
> >> We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of
> >> my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to
> >> working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although
> >> that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH
> >> thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a
> >> miser.
> >>
> >> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
> >> afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off
> >> to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
> >>
> >> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family
> >> and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can
> >> make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
> >>
> >> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and
> >> wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The
> >> question is simple for me.
> >
> > Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
> > instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.
> +!
>
> However, remember that, these days, a burial plot is normally not yours
> forever. What you buy is a right to exclusive use for a set period,
> usually between 50 and 100 years. After that time, notices will be
> posted on the headstone and, if known, sent to the holder of the right,
> asking if the right is to be renewed, for a payment. If not, the body
> will not be disturbed, but the headstone may be removed and another body
> buried in the same plot.
>
> --
> Colin Bignell

My OH's mother and father have a niche for their ashes in the local crem. That has to be paid for every 13 years . I paid for it the last time as OH's sisters didnt want to do it. Thats a lot shorter than being put in the ground . I dont recall anyone saying my dads grave would be shifted to one side if mum didnt pay at any future point. he is in the local churchyard. My mum is to be placed on top of him when she goes. Again I am not aware of any restriction on time here.

I would like to go to the local parish churchyard too. Is asking for a Christian burial too much for the church now as well these days?

On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My OH have always been burners.
>
> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money" We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a miser.
>
> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
>
> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
>
> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The question is simple for me

As others have said, starting point is to express your wish in your will
and appoint an executor you trust to honour your wishes. Then consider
arrangements to make sure your executor is informed promptly.

But to play safe you could include in your will a gift to your husband
which is conditional on your burial. And make clear to him in advance
that if you burn his money goes up in the smoke.

--
Robin
reply-to address is (intended to be) valid

On 05/05/2022 10:40, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 10:30:33 AM UTC+1, Colin Bignell wrote:
>> On 05/05/2022 09:45, John Rumm wrote:
>>> On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>>>> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be
>>>> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My
>>>> OH have always been burners.
>>>>
>>>> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
>>>> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were
>>>> very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for
>>>> the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money"
>>>> We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of
>>>> my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to
>>>> working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although
>>>> that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH
>>>> thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a
>>>> miser.
>>>>
>>>> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
>>>> afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off
>>>> to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
>>>>
>>>> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family
>>>> and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can
>>>> make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?
>>>>
>>>> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and
>>>> wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The
>>>> question is simple for me.
>>>
>>> Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave detailed
>>> instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy executors.
>> +!
>>
>> However, remember that, these days, a burial plot is normally not yours
>> forever. What you buy is a right to exclusive use for a set period,
>> usually between 50 and 100 years. After that time, notices will be
>> posted on the headstone and, if known, sent to the holder of the right,
>> asking if the right is to be renewed, for a payment. If not, the body
>> will not be disturbed, but the headstone may be removed and another body
>> buried in the same plot.
>>
>> --
>> Colin Bignell
>
> My OH's mother and father have a niche for their ashes in the local crem. That has to be paid for every 13 years . I paid for it the last time as OH's sisters didnt want to do it. Thats a lot shorter than being put in the ground

My parents' ashes were scattered in a memorial garden at the
crematorium. That makes it difficult for them to ask me to keep paying.
They can hardly sweep them up if i don't. Memorial plaques are, however,
only hired for a few years at a time.

. I dont recall anyone saying my dads grave would be shifted to one
side if mum didnt pay at any future point. he is in the local
churchyard. My mum is to be placed on top of him when she goes. Again
I am not aware of any restriction on time here.
>
> I would like to go to the local parish churchyard too. Is asking for a Christian burial too much for the church now as well these days?

The best thing to do is to ask a funeral director. They can tell you
about pre-payment plans and advise you about how long the plot is yours.
It may be different in a churchyard to the Council run cemeteries around
here. If you have a branch of Dillistone near you, I can recommend them
from personal experience.

--
Colin Bignell

On 05/05/2022 10:02, NY wrote:
> "Pancho" <Pancho.Dontmaileme@outlook.com> wrote in message
> news:t503dq$8n0$1@dont-email.me...
> [talking about burial versus cremation]
>> Ask him to surprise you. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.
>
> As in the wonderfully funny and yet moving "Lost For Words"
> https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0174882/quotes?ref_=tttr_ql_trv_4 (first
> quote) - Annie was played by none other than Thora Hird.

OK, I thought it was Bob Hope's last words, but this seems to predate
Bob's demise.

In article <c85fd59b-447c-4a52-9f05-e9d42f64529bn@googlegroups.com>,
aprilswee...@gmail.com <aprilsweetheartrose@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thursday, May 5, 2022 at 10:30:33 AM UTC+1, Colin Bignell wrote:
> > On 05/05/2022 09:45, John Rumm wrote:
> > > On 05/05/2022 07:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > >> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be
> > >> buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My
> > >> OH have always been burners.
> > >>
> > >> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio
> > >> programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs
> > >> were very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will
> > >> opt for the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to
> > >> "Save money" We dont need to save money is the first point here. I
> > >> have money of my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats
> > >> in addition to working for 40 odd years and having some money from
> > >> that although that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big
> > >> mistake as OH thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is
> > >> something of a miser.
> > >>
> > >> I dont want a paupers funeral. I dont want a paupers grave. I can
> > >> afford better. Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off
> > >> to a paupers grave or worse, burn me to save money?
> > >>
> > >> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family
> > >> and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I
> > >> can make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this
> > >> life?
> > >>
> > >> I know its a contentious issue. I wont engage in the whys and
> > >> wherefores of peoples ideas on disposing of bodies after death. The
> > >> question is simple for me.
> > >
> > > Decide what you want, arrange it and pay for it now, then leave
> > > detailed instructions. Put it in the will, and chose trustworthy
> > > executors.
> > +!
> >
> > However, remember that, these days, a burial plot is normally not yours
> > forever. What you buy is a right to exclusive use for a set period,
> > usually between 50 and 100 years. After that time, notices will be
> > posted on the headstone and, if known, sent to the holder of the right,
> > asking if the right is to be renewed, for a payment. If not, the body
> > will not be disturbed, but the headstone may be removed and another
> > body buried in the same plot.
> >
> > -- Colin Bignell

> My OH's mother and father have a niche for their ashes in the local crem.
> That has to be paid for every 13 years . I paid for it the last time as
> OH's sisters didnt want to do it. Thats a lot shorter than being put
> in the ground . I dont recall anyone saying my dads grave would be
> shifted to one side if mum didnt pay at any future point. he is in the
> local churchyard. My mum is to be placed on top of him when she goes.
> Again I am not aware of any restriction on time here.

> I would like to go to the local parish churchyard too. Is asking for a
> Christian burial too much for the church now as well these days?

What might be too much for your local chuch is that their space is full. A
few years ago, I attended a service to make the "consecrated ground" a bit
larger. There was room to do this, but here might not be at some churches
in towns. And, as I said earlier, it is quite possible to bury ashes in a
churchyard. They don't have to stay at the crematorium.

--
from KT24 in Surrey, England
"I'd rather die of exhaustion than die of boredom" Thomas Carlyle

On 05/05/2022 09:17, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:

> I have money enough to maintain a grave if that is needed also. After all, if I am worth whatever I leave behind, surely they shouldnt begrudge a few quid to see me laid to rest as I wish.

A local (to the graveyard) florist may well for a small sum keep the
headstone clean, remove any old flowers, and place any new ones,
according to the instructions (and payment) you leave them. A little
research should tell you what you want to know.

Find out how long the lease is on your chosen plot, if it's 100 years
then I'm not sure what you could do about retaining that, but you could
instruct a solicitor to renew if the lease period is shorter.

--
Spike

On 05 May 2022 at 11:21:02 BST, Colin Bignell <cpb@bignellREMOVETHIS.me.uk>
wrote:

> If you have a branch of Dillistone near you, I can recommend them
> from personal experience.

Ah, you're a zombie. I always wondered.

--
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - GB Shaw to Churchill. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

On 05/05/2022 06:56, aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:

> My OH and I have very different ideas about funerals. I want to be buried in a churchyard ( my family are a graveyard type family). My OH have always been burners.

> The other day ( after watching TV adverts or listening to some radio programme about funerals I think) he told me that funeral costs were very expensive and indicated that if I die before him he will opt for the plainest, simplest funeral/ cremation he can get to "Save money" We dont need to save money is the first point here. I have money of my own from my aunt as an inheritance anyway. Thats in addition to working for 40 odd years and having some money from that although that always ended up in the joint money pot ( big mistake as OH thinks he earned all that money, not me). He is something of a miser.

> I know people ignore wills. Many have been sidestepped in my family and my OH's. Burned, lost, and plain ignored. Is there a way I can make sure I just get a decent burial when I am gone from this life?

You might like to consider posting this to uk.legal.moderated.

--
Spike

"Pancho" <Pancho.Dontmaileme@outlook.com> wrote in message
news:t508no$iar$1@dont-email.me...
> On 05/05/2022 10:02, NY wrote:
>> "Pancho" <Pancho.Dontmaileme@outlook.com> wrote in message
>> news:t503dq$8n0$1@dont-email.me...
>> [talking about burial versus cremation]
>>> Ask him to surprise you. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.
>>
>> As in the wonderfully funny and yet moving "Lost For Words"
>> https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0174882/quotes?ref_=tttr_ql_trv_4 (first
>> quote) - Annie was played by none other than Thora Hird.
>
> OK, I thought it was Bob Hope's last words, but this seems to predate
> Bob's demise.

Deric Longden's books are partly autobiographical - probably based heavily
on his real life, but with "the volume turned up to 11" and made very funny.
"Lost For Words" (book published 1991) was about his mother who had a
wonderful way with words and with language ("You know, Deric - ten minutes
of this rain will do more good in half an hour than a fortnight of ordinary
rain would do in a month."), and who was cruelly robbed of her power of
speech after a series of strokes.

His first book ("Diana's Story") was about his first wife who got a
crippling and painful condition which doctors could not identify. When he
started writing to supplement his income from a clothing factory that he
ran, he met a fellow author (of romantic fiction) who was blind, and his
wife Diana encouraged him and the author Aileen to fall in love, so he had
someone for after she'd gone. That was made into "Wide-Eyed and Legless"
with Jim Broadbent and Julie Walters.

Jock wrote:

> Andy Burns wrote:
>
>> aprilswee...@gmail.com wrote:
>>
>>> Is there any way I can ensure he doesnt send me off to a paupers grave
>>> or worse, burn me to save money?
>>
>> Put it in your will, and name someone you trust to carry out your wishes as
>> your executor?
>
> He can just ignore the will unless you pick an executor who will force it to be
> carried out.

That's what I said, if she doesn't trust him to carry out her will, pick someone
else who she does trust.

It'd work out more expensive to use a solicitor rather than a relative as
executor, but they're far more likely to do as she requests.