Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.

Value of goods around 80 of squids, perishable, especially to wetness.

Wetness forecast today.

Fortunately a carer soon arrived and brought it in.

Where there is a slot for 'special destructions' on the online order
form I shall be specifying that I do not want the shoddy outfit to
deliver my order.

--
Rusty Hinge
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer and the BOFH.

On Wed, 24 Nov 2021 15:49:16 +0000
RustyHinge <rusty.hinge@foobar.girolle.co.uk> wrote:

> Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
> parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
> few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.

It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
find that they all do it, they do here.

--
Steve O'Hara-Smith
Odds and Ends at http://www.sohara.org/

On 24/11/2021 16:08, Ahem A Rivet's Shot wrote:
> On Wed, 24 Nov 2021 15:49:16 +0000
> RustyHinge <rusty.hinge@foobar.girolle.co.uk> wrote:
>
>> Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
>> parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
>> few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.
>
> It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
> find that they all do it, they do here.

Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in. They know I can't get to the
door to receive it - and so do Herpes.

--
Rusty Hinge
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer and the BOFH.

Ahem A Rivet's Shot <steveo@eircom.net> wrote in
news:20211124160820.9982b5be0ece3b9f06bdc322@eircom.net:

> On Wed, 24 Nov 2021 15:49:16 +0000
> RustyHinge <rusty.hinge@foobar.girolle.co.uk> wrote:
>
>> Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path,
>> placed parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off,
>> leaving it a few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing
>> deluge.
>
> It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
> find that they all do it, they do here.
>

We had a parcel dumped on the drive today, nowhere near the door, but
that's an exception. Usually they leave it near the door and then knock.
Then they photograph it across the doorstep.

I discombobulated one delivery guy by asking him to give me a minute to
comb my hair[1] before he took the photo. He quicly recovered and asked
me to pose.

[1]of course I am almost bald, but he was kind enough not to mention
that.
--
Peter
-----

In article <snlmtt$rju$1@dont-email.me>, RustyHinge <rusty.hinge@foobar.
girolle.co.uk> on Wed, 24 Nov 2021 at 15:49:16 awoke Nicholas from his
slumbers and wrote
>Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
>parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
>few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.
>
>Value of goods around 80 of squids, perishable, especially to wetness.
>
>Wetness forecast today.
>
>Fortunately a carer soon arrived and brought it in.
>
>Where there is a slot for 'special destructions' on the online order
>form I shall be specifying that I do not want the shoddy outfit to
>deliver my order.
>
I had a problem with them as well. They had a parcel at the local depot,
without making any attempt to deliver. Their site has a where is my
parcel option, however they pointed out to me that any claims have to be
made to the sender.

A pox on them.

After the first week the sender, re-created an order for my items, and
sent them by DPD, who delivered the next day, as promised.

Three weeks after Herpes had taken my parcel from the sender the sender
started the process of claiming from Herpes. Like a miracle, Herpes
deliver the day after they received the claim from my sender.

The sender gave me the option of returning free of charge or getting the
goods at a discount of 10%. Dislike of hassle prevailed, so now I have
nearly 3 months of coffee machine consumables stacked around the house.

I have discovered that if I order four trays of consumables they will be
delivered by Royal Mail. They deliver within 48 hours, in my experience.
--
0sterc@tcher -

"Où sont les neiges d'antan?"

On 24/11/2021 17:35, RustyHinge wrote:
> On 24/11/2021 16:08, Ahem A Rivet's Shot wrote:
>> On Wed, 24 Nov 2021 15:49:16 +0000
>> RustyHinge <rusty.hinge@foobar.girolle.co.uk> wrote:
>>
>>> Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
>>> parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
>>> few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.
>>
>>     It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>
> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in. They know I can't get to the
> door to receive it - and so do Herpes.
>

Same here, but including Herpes.

Tone

RustyHinge wrote:

>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>
> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in.

Since last march, nobody has done a "normal" parcel delivery here, the closest
is to put it on the ground near the step and take a photo of it ...

On 24/11/2021 18:36, Nicholas D. Richards wrote:
>
> After the first week the sender, re-created an order for my items, and
> sent them by DPD, who delivered the next day, as promised.

The Herpes lady who does most of the deliveries here is good, she makes
sure the door is answered.

DPD gave me some very stressful days a while ago, when 1500ZUs-worth of
bass was posted to me from Italy. It got all the way to the DPD depot,
then was purportedly on a van for delivery, then it was going to be
delivered next day, then it was going to be delivered next day again,
then I rang them up and they said it was lost. Fortunately it was lost
in the depot and they found it, but I didn't trust them to put it on a
van and get it to me (they'd already demonstrated an abject failure in
being able to perform this task, which is a pretty basic requirement for
a delivery company) so I did a 70 mile round trip to go and collect it
from the depot.

I have mine filled in as leave inside porch, which in the main they do, but
ringing the doorbell seems not to be in their capabilities and the
confirmation from Amazon is via the A lady but all you get is a ding unless
you keep asking. So I don't know who delivered my parcel, Unlikely to be
Hrpes, as they usually either take it back or leave it next door or randomly
under a bush.
Brian

--

This newsgroup posting comes to you directly from...
The Sofa of Brian Gaff...
briang1@blueyonder.co.uk
Blind user, so no pictures please
Note this Signature is meaningless.!
"RustyHinge" <rusty.hinge@foobar.girolle.co.uk> wrote in message
news:snlmtt$rju$1@dont-email.me...
> Just had a parcel 'delivered'. Herpes operative came up the path, placed
> parcel in fromt of fromt door, tapped on it and osdded-off, leaving it a
> few strides away from any opportunistic thief or passing deluge.
>
> Value of goods around 80 of squids, perishable, especially to wetness.
>
> Wetness forecast today.
>
> Fortunately a carer soon arrived and brought it in.
>
> Where there is a slot for 'special destructions' on the online order form
> I shall be specifying that I do not want the shoddy outfit to deliver my
> order.
>
> --
> Rusty Hinge
> To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer and the
> BOFH.

On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
> RustyHinge wrote:
>
>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>
>> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in.
>
> Since last march, nobody has done a "normal" parcel delivery here, the
> closest is to put it on the  ground near the step and take a photo of it
> ...
Same here, innit. Some just put it down on the doorstep, or on the
bonnet of the car; some take a picture of it in front of the open[5786]
house door.

[5786]they do insist on the door being open, and some insist that the
recipient be in the picture TAAW.

--
Regards,
Andrew.

On 25/11/2021 09:15, Andrew Marshall wrote:
> On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
>> RustyHinge wrote:
>>
>>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>>
>>> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in.
>>
>> Since last march, nobody has done a "normal" parcel delivery here, the
>> closest is to put it on the  ground near the step and take a photo of
>> it ...
> Same here, innit. Some just put it down on the doorstep, or on the
> bonnet of the car; some take a picture of it in front of the open[5786]
> house door.
>
> [5786]they do insist on the door being open, and some insist that the
> recipient be in the picture TAAW.

Boodly Herpes usually creeps up to the fromt door, puts the package
down, photographs it and runs away.

I then get an emu to say it has been 'successfully' delivered.

Once, I was beginning a claim for their losing the parcel 'cos they
claimed they'd left it in my porch. I don't *have* a porch. Couple of
days laterer my next-door-but-one neighbour came home from holiday and
found it in *her* porch.

her house is clearly marked as *not* my address.

--
Rusty Hinge
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer and the BOFH.

On 25/11/2021 17:17, RustyHinge wrote:
> On 25/11/2021 09:15, Andrew Marshall wrote:
>> On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
>>> RustyHinge wrote:
>>>
>>>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>>>
>>>> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in.
>>>
>>> Since last march, nobody has done a "normal" parcel delivery here,
>>> the closest is to put it on the  ground near the step and take a
>>> photo of it ...
>> Same here, innit. Some just put it down on the doorstep, or on the
>> bonnet of the car; some take a picture of it in front of the
>> open[5786] house door.
>>
>> [5786]they do insist on the door being open, and some insist that the
>> recipient be in the picture TAAW.
>
> Boodly Herpes usually creeps up to the fromt door, puts the package
> down, photographs it and runs away.
>
> I then get an emu to say it has been 'successfully' delivered.
>
> Once, I was beginning a claim for their losing the parcel 'cos they
> claimed they'd left it in my porch. I don't *have* a porch. Couple of
> days laterer my next-door-but-one neighbour came home from holiday and
> found it in *her* porch.
>
> her house is clearly marked as *not* my address.
>

Just had an Amazon delivery of Camp Coffee and wet wipes (don't ask).

Outside my door I have a small table with a note stuck to it. 'Please
Leave Parcels Here' cos I don't get up too well if I have to bend down
to the floor.

The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
the floor by the door.

Tone

On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
> On 25/11/2021 17:17, RustyHinge wrote:
>> On 25/11/2021 09:15, Andrew Marshall wrote:
>>> On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
>>>> RustyHinge wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>>>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>>>>
>>>>> Nope. *All* the others bring the parcel in.
>>>>
>>>> Since last march, nobody has done a "normal" parcel delivery here,
>>>> the closest is to put it on the  ground near the step and take a
>>>> photo of it ...
>>> Same here, innit. Some just put it down on the doorstep, or on the
>>> bonnet of the car; some take a picture of it in front of the
>>> open[5786] house door.
>>>
>>> [5786]they do insist on the door being open, and some insist that the
>>> recipient be in the picture TAAW.
>>
>> Boodly Herpes usually creeps up to the fromt door, puts the package
>> down, photographs it and runs away.
>>
>> I then get an emu to say it has been 'successfully' delivered.
>>
>> Once, I was beginning a claim for their losing the parcel 'cos they
>> claimed they'd left it in my porch. I don't *have* a porch. Couple of
>> days laterer my next-door-but-one neighbour came home from holiday and
>> found it in *her* porch.
>>
>> her house is clearly marked as *not* my address.
>>
>
> Just had an Amazon delivery of Camp Coffee and wet wipes (don't ask).
>
> Outside my door I have a small table with a note stuck to it. 'Please
> Leave Parcels Here' cos I don't get up too well if I have to bend down
> to the floor.
>
> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
> the floor by the door.
>
> Tone
You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"

HTH, C

On 2021-11-26, Tone <email@address.com> wrote:
> On 25/11/2021 17:17, RustyHinge wrote:
>> On 25/11/2021 09:15, Andrew Marshall wrote:
>>> On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
>>>> RustyHinge wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>>>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>>>>
>>
>
> Just had an Amazon delivery of Camp Coffee and wet wipes (don't ask).
>
> Outside my door I have a small table with a note stuck to it. 'Please
> Leave Parcels Here' cos I don't get up too well if I have to bend down
> to the floor.
>
> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
> the floor by the door.
>
> Tone

Pick up tool.

--
greymausg@mail.com
That's not a mousehole!

In article <slrnsq21ht.2q1.Greymaus@dmaus.org>, Maus <Greymaus@mail.com>
on Fri, 26 Nov 2021 at 16:07:25 awoke Nicholas from his slumbers and
wrote
>On 2021-11-26, Tone <email@address.com> wrote:
>> On 25/11/2021 17:17, RustyHinge wrote:
>>> On 25/11/2021 09:15, Andrew Marshall wrote:
>>>> On 24/11/2021 18:54, Tease'n'Seize wrote:
>>>>> RustyHinge wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>>>  It's "zero contact delivery", a COVID precaution. You'll probably
>>>>>>> find that they all do it, they do here.
>>>>>>
>>>
>>
>> Just had an Amazon delivery of Camp Coffee and wet wipes (don't ask).
>>
>> Outside my door I have a small table with a note stuck to it. 'Please
>> Leave Parcels Here' cos I don't get up too well if I have to bend down
>> to the floor.
>>
>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
>> the floor by the door.
>>
>> Tone
>
>Pick up tool.
>
The driver? Have you seen the driver?
--
0sterc@tcher -

"Où sont les neiges d'antan?"

ChrisND@privacy.net said:
> On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
>>
>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
>> the floor by the door.
>>
> You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
> here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"

"Please read these signs"

--
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

On Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:15:11 -0600
Richard Robinson <richardR@privacy.net> wrote:

> ChrisND@privacy.net said:
> > On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
> >>
> >> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were
> >> on the floor by the door.
> >>
> > You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
> > here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"
>
> "Please read these signs"

"Please do not read these signs".

"No mail on table please"

Might jbex.

--
Steve O'Hara-Smith
Odds and Ends at http://www.sohara.org/

On 27/11/2021 19:48, Ahem A Rivet's Shot wrote:
> On Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:15:11 -0600
> Richard Robinson <richardR@privacy.net> wrote:
>
>> ChrisND@privacy.net said:
>>> On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
>>>>
>>>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were
>>>> on the floor by the door.
>>>>
>>> You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
>>> here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"
>>
>> "Please read these signs"
>
> "Please do not read these signs".
>
> "No mail on table please"
>
> Might jbex.
>

"Please read t'other sign"

"Please read t'other sign"

Tone

In article <FN6dnRJ8Q-oy6D_8nZ2dnUU78fmdnZ2d@brightview.co.uk>, Richard
Robinson <richardR@privacy.net> on Sat, 27 Nov 2021 at 12:15:11 awoke
Nicholas from his slumbers and wrote
>ChrisND@privacy.net said:
>> On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
>>>
>>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were on
>>> the floor by the door.
>>>
>> You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
>> here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"
>
>"Please read these signs"
>
>
They are probably like my SWMBO, send her a text message and she reads
the first few words and assumes the rest.

So "Please! Do not leave parcels here - put them on the table above
where the other sign is!", might be interesting.

When you look out after a few hours you find a bored, cold and wet
driver, he read as far as "Please do not leave"

--
0sterc@tcher -

"Où sont les neiges d'antan?"

Tone said:
> On 27/11/2021 19:48, Ahem A Rivet's Shot wrote:
>> On Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:15:11 -0600
>> Richard Robinson <richardR@privacy.net> wrote:
>>
>>> ChrisND@privacy.net said:
>>>> On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were
>>>>> on the floor by the door.
>>>>>
>>>> You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
>>>> here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"
>>>
>>> "Please read these signs"
>>
>> "Please do not read these signs".
>>
>> "No mail on table please"
>>
>> Might jbex.
>>
>
>
> "Please read t'other sign"
>
>
> "Please read t'other sign"

"NOT HERE"

But, they CBA to notice ... very loud movement-activated voice synthesis ?

--
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

On 28-Nov-21 14:49, Richard Robinson wrote:
> Tone said:
>> On 27/11/2021 19:48, Ahem A Rivet's Shot wrote:
>>> On Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:15:11 -0600
>>> Richard Robinson <richardR@privacy.net> wrote:
>>>
>>>> ChrisND@privacy.net said:
>>>>> On 26/11/2021 14:03, Tone wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The doorbell rang. Delivery driver took photo and left. Parcels were
>>>>>> on the floor by the door.
>>>>>>
>>>>> You obviously need a sign on the floor which says "Do not leave parcels
>>>>> here - put them on the table above where the other sign is!"
>>>>
>>>> "Please read these signs"
>>>
>>> "Please do not read these signs".
>>>
>>> "No mail on table please"
>>>
>>> Might jbex.
>>>
>>
>>
>> "Please read t'other sign"
>>
>>
>> "Please read t'other sign"
>
> "NOT HERE"
>
> But, they CBA to notice ... very loud movement-activated voice synthesis ?

Doormat, with a pressure mat hidden underneath.

"Ow! Ow! Geeroff! Put on the £$%^&YU* thing on the table you $%^&*!"

--
Sam Plusnet

On 24/11/2021 15:49, RustyHinge wrote:

Borking arjf!

Herpes 'driver' comes up the path (that's enough from you, Tone!)
carrying two Hooge boxen.

Carer meets him on the step.

Picture the scene: I live in an end-of-terrace cottij, end one of four,
with a big brass *'1'* in the miggle of the fromt door, just below the
litterbox.

"Is this No 3?" asks the village idiot, who has got a wbo driving for
Herpes.

At least he was going to deliver the boxen but - is this No 3? *Could*
it be No 3? Carer said it was meat, which was presumably why he wasn't
going to just put it down and run away as usual, so they can't be 100%
hopeless.

--
Rusty Hinge
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer and the BOFH.

On 07/12/2021 13:35, RustyHinge wrote:
> On 24/11/2021 15:49, RustyHinge wrote:
>
> Borking arjf!
>
> Herpes 'driver' comes up the path (that's enough from you, Tone!)
> carrying two Hooge boxen.
>
> Carer meets him on the step.
>
> Picture the scene: I live in an end-of-terrace cottij, end one of four,
> with a big brass *'1'* in the miggle of the fromt door, just below the
> litterbox.
>
> "Is this No 3?" asks the village idiot, who has got a wbo driving for
> Herpes.
>
> At least he was going to deliver the boxen but - is this No 3? *Could*
> it be No 3? Carer said it was meat, which was presumably why he wasn't
> going to just put it down and run away as usual, so they can't be 100%
> hopeless.
>

I live on the first floor. We have a lift. Most deliveries come to our
doors once we let them in.

Intercom buzzes.

"Parcel for you."

Buzz main door open.

Wait patiently at my door.

Nowt happens.

Grab crutch (not crutch) and explore.

Meet court mangler on her way up to find me.

"Can you please move your parcel? It's blocking the main entrance!"

Apparently when I opened the main door for him he bowls it in, shoots a
photo, and leaves, leaving a disabled pensioner to get the large parcel
up to his flat.

Thanks.

Luckily, it was an oversized 50 stone capacity folding wheelchair*.

I unpacked it in reception, used the chair to carry the packaging
material to the recycling bins, sat in the chair and wheeled messen home
via said lift.

*I'm thinking ahead. The port undercarriage is getting to be as bad as
the starboard one. I'm less than half way to 50 stone, but jbexing onnit.

I will test drive it this evening. I'm oft to a Hayseed Dixie concert.
If that wheelchair dozen get me a front row place, nothing will!

Tone

On Wed, 8 Dec 2021 02:24:24 +0000, Tone <email@address.com> wrote:

>On 07/12/2021 13:35, RustyHinge wrote:
>> On 24/11/2021 15:49, RustyHinge wrote:
>>
>> Borking arjf!
>>
>> Herpes 'driver' comes up the path (that's enough from you, Tone!)
>> carrying two Hooge boxen.
>>
>> Carer meets him on the step.
>>
>> Picture the scene: I live in an end-of-terrace cottij, end one of four,
>> with a big brass *'1'* in the miggle of the fromt door, just below the
>> litterbox.
>>
>> "Is this No 3?" asks the village idiot, who has got a wbo driving for
>> Herpes.
>>
>> At least he was going to deliver the boxen but - is this No 3? *Could*
>> it be No 3? Carer said it was meat, which was presumably why he wasn't
>> going to just put it down and run away as usual, so they can't be 100%
>> hopeless.
>>
>
>
>I live on the first floor. We have a lift. Most deliveries come to our
>doors once we let them in.
>
Disunremembers me of a song:

My name is Tony
I live on the first floor
We have a lift
Most deliveries come to our door
>Intercom buzzes.
>"Parcel for you."
>Buzz main door open.
>Wait patiently at my door.
>
>Nowt happens.
Nowt happens
Nowt happens

Verse two....

>Grab crutch (not crutch) and explore.
>
>Meet court mangler on her way up to find me.
>
>"Can you please move your parcel? It's blocking the main entrance!"
>
>Apparently when I opened the main door for him he bowls it in, shoots a
>photo, and leaves, leaving a disabled pensioner to get the large parcel
>up to his flat.
>
>Thanks.
>
>Luckily, it was an oversized 50 stone capacity folding wheelchair*.
>
>I unpacked it in reception, used the chair to carry the packaging
>material to the recycling bins, sat in the chair and wheeled messen home
>via said lift.
>
>*I'm thinking ahead. The port undercarriage is getting to be as bad as
>the starboard one. I'm less than half way to 50 stone, but jbexing onnit.
>
>I will test drive it this evening. I'm oft to a Hayseed Dixie concert.
>If that wheelchair dozen get me a front row place, nothing will!
>
Hayseed Dixie? That's worth running over a few punters to get to the
front. They were also featured in this week's episode of the Mitch
Benn Music Show wot I mentioned earlier ^^up there^^ somewhere.

Nick

Nick Odell <nick@themusicworkshop.plus.com> wrote in
news:aeu0rgt1blh6jt19m64dlp2f83ui10aqg1@4ax.com:

> Disunremembers me of a song:
>
> My name is Tony
> I live on the first floor
> We have a lift
> Most deliveries come to our door
>>Intercom buzzes.
>>"Parcel for you."
>>Buzz main door open.
>>Wait patiently at my door.
>>
>>Nowt happens.
> Nowt happens
> Nowt happens
>
> Verse two....
>
>
>
>
>>Grab crutch (not crutch) and explore.
>>
>>Meet court mangler on her way up to find me.
>>
>>"Can you please move your parcel? It's blocking the main entrance!"
>>
>>Apparently when I opened the main door for him he bowls it in, shoots
>>a photo, and leaves, leaving a disabled pensioner to get the large
>>parcel up to his flat.
>>
>>Thanks.
>>
>>Luckily, it was an oversized 50 stone capacity folding wheelchair*.
>>
>>I unpacked it in reception, used the chair to carry the packaging
>>material to the recycling bins, sat in the chair and wheeled messen
>>home via said lift.
>>
>>*I'm thinking ahead. The port undercarriage is getting to be as bad as
>>the starboard one. I'm less than half way to 50 stone, but jbexing
>>onnit.
>>
>>I will test drive it this evening. I'm oft to a Hayseed Dixie concert.
>>If that wheelchair dozen get me a front row place, nothing will!
>>

I recon that's a winner. You should probly share the royalties with Tone.

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Peter
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