As Umrats have in the past kindly expressed their appreciation of my
William the OAP parody, I offer for your delectation my entry for the
Spectator "last will and testament of a well-known fictional character"
competition.

Last Will and Testament of William Brown 1/4/76

Being of sound mind, on my 65th birthday, I make the following bequests:

To Ginger and Jon Merridew (nee Joan Crewe), £25,000 towards their
ongoing hormone therapy following their decision last year to transition
after the unfortunate events of their honeymoon;

To Douglas, Jumble Ent and her puppy Jumble Elveen;

To Hubert Lane, £5,000 towards gastric by-pass surgery;

To my siblings Ethel and Robert I return the love and support they gave
me as a child;

Royalties from my literary series The Bloody Hand will accrue to the
Richmal Crompton Home for Distressed Gentlefolk while my dear mother is
resident and will then go to my estranged son Gordon. He will also
receive my Lords and Twickenham Debentures.

The balance of my estate I leave to my wife Violet-Elizabeth’s speech
therapy charity “Ice Cream”.

I was also considering another entry whereby Alexander Portnoy leaves
his entire porn collection to Prince Harry as "the person best qualified
to take my work in hand" but I doubt they'd publish it :)

On 24/04/2022 17:25, BrritSki wrote:
> As Umrats have in the past kindly expressed their appreciation of my
> William the OAP parody, I offer for your delectation my entry for the
> Spectator "last will and testament of a well-known fictional character"
> competition.
>
> Last Will and Testament    of     William Brown    1/4/76
>
> Being of sound mind, on my 65th birthday, I make the following bequests:
>
> To Ginger and Jon Merridew (nee Joan Crewe), £25,000 towards their
> ongoing hormone therapy following their decision last year to transition
> after the unfortunate events of their honeymoon;
>
> To Douglas, Jumble Ent and her puppy Jumble Elveen;
>
> To Hubert Lane, £5,000 towards gastric by-pass surgery;
>
> To my siblings Ethel and Robert I return the love and support they gave
> me as a child;
>
> Royalties from my literary series The Bloody Hand will accrue to the
> Richmal Crompton Home for Distressed Gentlefolk while my dear mother is
> resident and will then go to my estranged son Gordon. He will also
> receive my Lords and Twickenham Debentures.
>
> The balance of my estate I leave to my wife Violet-Elizabeth’s speech
> therapy charity “Ice Cream”.
>
>
> I was also considering another entry whereby Alexander Portnoy leaves
> his entire porn collection to Prince Harry as "the person best qualified
> to take my work in hand" but I doubt they'd publish it  :)

:o)))

--
Sid
(Make sure Matron is away when you reply)

On Sun, 24 Apr 2022 17:25:59 +0100, BrritSki
<rtilburyTAKEAWAY@gmail.com> wrote:

>As Umrats have in the past kindly expressed their appreciation of my
>William the OAP parody, I offer for your delectation my entry for the
>Spectator "last will and testament of a well-known fictional character"
>competition.
>
>Last Will and Testament of William Brown 1/4/76
>
>Being of sound mind, on my 65th birthday, I make the following bequests:
>
>To Ginger and Jon Merridew (nee Joan Crewe), £25,000 towards their
>ongoing hormone therapy following their decision last year to transition
>after the unfortunate events of their honeymoon;
>
>To Douglas, Jumble Ent and her puppy Jumble Elveen;
>
>To Hubert Lane, £5,000 towards gastric by-pass surgery;
>
>To my siblings Ethel and Robert I return the love and support they gave
>me as a child;
>
>Royalties from my literary series The Bloody Hand will accrue to the
>Richmal Crompton Home for Distressed Gentlefolk while my dear mother is
>resident and will then go to my estranged son Gordon. He will also
>receive my Lords and Twickenham Debentures.
>
>The balance of my estate I leave to my wife Violet-Elizabeth’s speech
>therapy charity “Ice Cream”.
>
>
Oh yes! You have to presume that the judges are familiar with Just
William or at the very least, the Martin Jarvis readings but it is The
Spectator and they jolly well ought to.

>I was also considering another entry whereby Alexander Portnoy leaves
>his entire porn collection to Prince Harry as "the person best qualified
>to take my work in hand" but I doubt they'd publish it :)

Very wise. Even judges from The Spectator might want to pretend they'd
never read it. Which reminds me I once lost a round in a pub quiz
because I decided I'd rather pretend that I'd never seen the dreadful
TV series which was the answer to the question. I can't even remember
what the programme was now and I never discovered whether my team
mates also didn't know the answer or were keeping schtum like me.

Nick

On Sun, 24 Apr 2022 at 22:26:05, Nick Odell
<nick@themusicworkshop.plus.com> wrote (my responses usually FOLLOW):
[]
>Very wise. Even judges from The Spectator might want to pretend they'd
>never read it. Which reminds me I once lost a round in a pub quiz

I was once in a pub quiz where one of the teams - might have even been
the one I was in, I can't remember - was called "Norfolk and Chance".

>because I decided I'd rather pretend that I'd never seen the dreadful
>TV series which was the answer to the question. I can't even remember
>what the programme was now and I never discovered whether my team
>mates also didn't know the answer or were keeping schtum like me.
>
>Nick

You remind me of one of Paxman's better lines when he was doing
University Challenge (I normally didn't think much of him at it): one
team had not done at all well on higher chemistry and whatever, but
rallied on something lowbrow - I think it was the Eurovision Song
Contest. He said something like "we're really plumbing the shallows
here".
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)Ar@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

Linux is a car kit and Mac is a car with the hood welded shut - Mayayana in
alt.windows7.general, 2015-12-4

On 24/04/2022 22:26, Nick Odell wrote:
> On Sun, 24 Apr 2022 17:25:59 +0100, BrritSki
> <rtilburyTAKEAWAY@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> As Umrats have in the past kindly expressed their appreciation of my
>> William the OAP parody, I offer for your delectation my entry for the
>> Spectator "last will and testament of a well-known fictional character"
>> competition.
>>
>> Last Will and Testament of William Brown 1/4/76
>>
>> Being of sound mind, on my 65th birthday, I make the following bequests:
>>
>> To Ginger and Jon Merridew (nee Joan Crewe), £25,000 towards their
>> ongoing hormone therapy following their decision last year to transition
>> after the unfortunate events of their honeymoon;
>>
>> To Douglas, Jumble Ent and her puppy Jumble Elveen;
>>
>> To Hubert Lane, £5,000 towards gastric by-pass surgery;
>>
>> To my siblings Ethel and Robert I return the love and support they gave
>> me as a child;
>>
>> Royalties from my literary series The Bloody Hand will accrue to the
>> Richmal Crompton Home for Distressed Gentlefolk while my dear mother is
>> resident and will then go to my estranged son Gordon. He will also
>> receive my Lords and Twickenham Debentures.
>>
>> The balance of my estate I leave to my wife Violet-Elizabeth’s speech
>> therapy charity “Ice Cream”.
>>
>>
> Oh yes! You have to presume that the judges are familiar with Just
> William or at the very least, the Martin Jarvis readings but it is The
> Spectator and they jolly well ought to.

Indeed. You hope they will get the joke about the dogs names being
anagrams and the name of VE's charity. They're also sufficiently
anti-woke to not consider it fattist and transphobic. I have
reconsidered the opening line and it will be Lord Chief Justice William
Brown as there's the echo of Just William (in both senses) and it is a
rather amusing idea that he ended up as a judge, but not that surprising
if you know his innate sense of fair play.
>
>
>
>> I was also considering another entry whereby Alexander Portnoy leaves
>> his entire porn collection to Prince Harry as "the person best qualified
>> to take my work in hand" but I doubt they'd publish it :)
>
> Very wise. Even judges from The Spectator might want to pretend they'd
> never read it.

:)