https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/07/03

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette concerning funeral flowers?

Sadly, my sister-in-law was a victim of the COVID pandemic. We ordered the finest flowers we could afford (NOT cheap!), and were glad to see the flowers we ordered at the funeral.

We were all masked and distanced, so my view was from way back. At the end of the service, before I had a chance to get a closer look at all the flowers, the arrangement we purchased was mysteriously GONE!

My husband told me that my sister-in-law's widower told people they could take the flowers. I don't know if someone asked about taking them, or if he made an announcement that they could do so.

I think it is very tacky to take flowers from a funeral. I'm just thankful that my husband was able to see all of the arrangements early, and noticed that my workplace sent flowers, so I knew to express my appreciation to them.

Apparently, this is not a new phenomenon. I recall when my grandmother died, my mother was very upset that my niece swooped down and took ALL of the flowers from the service. I had thought it was an isolated incident by bad actors.

GENTLE READER: If the flowers are offered, it is not impolite for guests to accept. The presumption is that they are better off giving enjoyment to others than wilting at the funeral home.

But you are correct that they should not be absconded with sans permission. And even with permission, Miss Manners adds, a reasonable amount of time -- say, the length of the funeral -- should pass before the offer is acted upon.

On 7/9/2021 10:12 AM, Lenona wrote:
> https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/07/03
>
> DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette concerning funeral flowers?
>
> Sadly, my sister-in-law was a victim of the COVID pandemic. We ordered the finest flowers we could afford (NOT cheap!), and were glad to see the flowers we ordered at the funeral.
>
> We were all masked and distanced, so my view was from way back. At the end of the service, before I had a chance to get a closer look at all the flowers, the arrangement we purchased was mysteriously GONE!
>
> My husband told me that my sister-in-law's widower told people they could take the flowers. I don't know if someone asked about taking them, or if he made an announcement that they could do so.
>
> I think it is very tacky to take flowers from a funeral. I'm just thankful that my husband was able to see all of the arrangements early, and noticed that my workplace sent flowers, so I knew to express my appreciation to them.
>
> Apparently, this is not a new phenomenon. I recall when my grandmother died, my mother was very upset that my niece swooped down and took ALL of the flowers from the service. I had thought it was an isolated incident by bad actors.
>
> GENTLE READER: If the flowers are offered, it is not impolite for guests to accept. The presumption is that they are better off giving enjoyment to others than wilting at the funeral home.
>
> But you are correct that they should not be absconded with sans permission. And even with permission, Miss Manners adds, a reasonable amount of time -- say, the length of the funeral -- should pass before the offer is acted upon.
>

Bouquets (or at least one) are placed on the casket and lowered down
with it, is my usual experience. Live plants tend to be given to
attendees, family first. If there's a rush, it's usually because the
funeral home needs the room cleared for the next service so those floral
and plant orders can be brought in (again, in my experience at least
twice repeated). It is a business, after all. The wife and I still
have a thriving pot of ivy from her mother's service about five years
ago. (In the aftermath of the same, someone ended up with a potted
plant having a card saying from someone none of the family knew or had
ever heard of. It was suspected it had been left over from the previous
service).