You may have some questions about the newly announced Trump card! Well, I
have answers!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/06/your-trump-card-benefits/

What can I use my Trump Card for?

Winning!

Winning what?

Winning!

If I play my Trump Card in a game, do I automatically win the game?

Absolutely not, but it will allow you to say that the game was rigged
against you and call the entire premise of the game into question. This is
what is meant by winning.

What benefits do I get with my Trump Card?

A Trump Card!

Can I use my Trump Card to pay for things?

You can certainly try! Then when it isn’t accepted as a form of payment on
the grounds that it is “some random card that has Donald Trump’s signature
on it and a creepy picture of an eagle, not a valid credit card,” you can
complain that you are being discriminated against for your political
beliefs and create lots of problems.

The eagle looks kind of . . . Third Reich-y?

This is a simple misunderstanding! Just one of a series of isolated,
totally spontaneous Trump-adjacent design mistakes that have been
happening consistently without fail for the past five years!

One of the four designs for the card misspells the word “official.” Is the
typo intentional?

The typo is proof of your card’s authenticity!

Does the card have any value?

The value of a Trump Card, like the value of Donald Trump himself,
fluctuates from day to day, depending on how he is feeling. It is
important that Donald Trump be kept happy so that your card will retain
its maximum value.

Can I use my Trump card as a vaccine passport?

You haven’t been following the news very closely, have you?

Will my Trump card ward off disease and ill humors?

You are free to believe that it can! Start a Facebook group!

Is this a non-fungible token?

In the sense that it is something whose value I don’t understand and which
I hope never to acquire, yes.

Can I use this to rent videos?

You can use it to really encourage YouTube’s algorithm to start showing
you some questionable things!

Can I use this to check out books?

No.

Does the Trump card give me membership in anything?

The confraternity of People Who Have Trump Cards.

Can I use it to get into places?

Any sufficiently stiff card can be used to open certain locks! This card,
and $200,000, can get you into Mar-a-Lago!

Will this card work as an ID at airports?

Again, you can certainly try, and then get upset when it doesn’t work!

Does this work as a voter ID?

If Trump gets his way, it will be the only thing that does!

### - fucking hilarious! ahaha :D :D :D

i was at the bank today waiting in a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, a chinese
lady from Wuhan, China who was trying to exchange
yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller "why it change"? Yesterday i got
two hundat dolla of yen. Today i only get hunat eighty?
Why it change? The teller shrugged his shoulders and
said "fluctuations". The lady from Wuhan says "fluc you
white people too"!

> i was at the bank today waiting in a short line.
> There was just one lady in front of me, a chinese
> lady from Wuhan, China who was trying to exchange
> yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
> She asked the teller "why it change"? Yesterday i got
> two hundat dolla of yen. Today i only get hunat eighty?
> Why it change? The teller shrugged his shoulders and
> said "fluctuations". The lady from Wuhan says "fluc you
> white people too"!

### - There once was a lass called Louise,
whose cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese,
she leaked so much grunge,
that she purchased a sponge,
that sopped up the muck to her knees.

(eww) :D

Three guys are sitting on a bench outside
the Pearly Gates when St. Peter walks up.
St. Peter says to the first guy, "Whats your story?"
The first guy says, "I always had a problem with jealousy.
I lived with my wife on the third floor of my house.
I came home unexpected at lunch time and snuck up
the back stairs to see if I could catch my wife with her lover.
I smelled cigar smoke and looked out the front window,
but he was still on the front stairs. In a terrible fury and
with super human strength I went to the kitchen, dragged
the refrigerator to the front window and leaned it on the sill.
As he came out the front door I tipped it over and killed the
bastard of a wife stealing scum dead. I was convicted and got the chair."
St. Peter makes a few notes in his book and says to the second guy,
"Whats your story?"
The second guy says, " I was delivering the mail, and I had a had
a package for the lady on the third floor. I dropped it off and came
back down. When I stepped outside a refrigerator came falling
out of the clear blue sky and crushed me dead. A total mystery"
St. Peter makes a few more notes in his book and says to the third guy,
"Whats your story?"
The third guy says,
"I was sitting in a refrigerator, smoking a cigar, minding my own business...
And here I am..."