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Column on grieving from Dear Abby

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Subject: Column on grieving from Dear Abby
From: lenona...@yahoo.com (Lenona)
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by: Lenona - Fri, 14 Jul 2023 00:42 UTC

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2023/07/13

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend lost his sister unexpectedly to a heart attack. She was only 50. I'm trying to be there for him and give him his space while he's grieving. The thing is, he has stopped responding or contacting me. Every few days, I'd send him words of support, but he doesn't respond -- not with a "thank you" or anything. This has been happening for the past week.

Finally, I figured that he's ghosting me and no longer wants to be bothered with me but doesn't want to say it. So I told him I didn't want to add to his stress, that I felt he was over our relationship and I wouldn't bother him anymore. He responded, saying I'm taking it too personally, there's nothing I can do to help and it's something he has to go through.

I know that. I understand grieving. But am I supposed to just wait until he feels like talking or being bothered with me, for however long it takes? I'm trying to be understanding, but for someone to just cut you off and not even acknowledge you is awful. I mean, he's completely emotionally unavailable, like I don't exist! I don't know what to do. -- PUSHED ASIDE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PUSHED: Here's what to do. Back off! Since you understand grieving, you must know that no two people grieve exactly alike or on the same timetable. Your boyfriend has told you explicitly what he needs. If you care about him, give him space and stop personalizing this. His emotional needs must come before your own right now. Distract yourself by seeing friends or involving yourself in activities you can enjoy for the next month or so. If you do, when he's feeling more like himself again, he will come back to you.

________________________________________________

There are almost 600 comments. The top one:

Watcher a day ago

"He kept to himself for a whole week and you think he wants to dump you? Just a thought... your boyfriend didn't contact you because he knew you'd make his loss all about you. And you did."

Re: Column on grieving from Dear Abby

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From: ahk...@chinet.com (Adam H. Kerman)
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Subject: Re: Column on grieving from Dear Abby
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2023 02:43:33 -0000 (UTC)
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by: Adam H. Kerman - Fri, 14 Jul 2023 02:43 UTC

Lenona <lenona321@yahoo.com> wrote:

>https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2023/07/13

>DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend lost his sister unexpectedly to a heart attack.

Yeah, I read that this morning. I thought the letter writer was horrid.

>. . .

Subject	Author
Column on grieving from Dear Abby	Lenona
Re: Column on grieving from Dear Abby	Adam H. Kerman