https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2023/10/25

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Next week is the funeral of a very dear friend. My husband had held his power of attorney for several years. This friend was a widower and an only child who never had children of his own. He has a few cousins, with whom he'd had little contact over the past several years, and he did not name these relatives in his will.

If anyone should come to us after the service to ask if they may drop by the deceased's house to "see if there is anything they want," what is the polite way to say, "Um, no"?

This actually happened to us several years ago at another loved one's funeral. Some cousins went to the home of the dearly departed straight from the graveside service and loaded up their cars on their (out of state) way home!

GENTLE READER: Grave-robbing has a deservedly bad reputation, so all you have to do is refuse to abet any would-be criminals -- which does not require any rudeness on your part.

"I'm afraid not," you will reply, if asked. "Your cousin left me specific instructions about how he wanted me to dispose of his things."

If this is not enough to shame the cousins, remember that you have the keys..

Some comments:

cococo
"Yes, weddings and funeral annoucements are often posted after the event on the community calendar in local papers and internet boards because thiefs targeted homes now."

ThisGirl
"A friend of my mother's did that for her MIL's funeral. Her step-children are nothing but a bunch of a greedy criminals and she knew they'd be looting their Grandmother's house. So she hired some of the local college football team's players to watch the house during the viewing and funeral and for a little while afterwards. Boy, were those step-kids shocked to see those men in the house!"

Jaason
"Change the locks. You would be surprised who might have a second set of keys. If you think they are bold enough to try, add something like a ring doorbell to document who might be coming to the house while it is vacant.

"My parents had power of attorney for an elderly 2nd cousin and were the executors of her estate. Closest living relative was her somewhat estranged grandson who live several states away. He asked for the funeral to be held a few days later than planned to give him "time to travel" 2 days before the funeral my parents received a phone call from the lady's neighbor saying there was a car with California plates in the driveway. My parents drove over and caught the grandson red handed looting the house of small items (she collected jewelry and other fine antiques) that would have been very easy not to notice missing. He still had a set of keys to the house. He claimed it didn't matter as he was 'getting everything'. Ah, no you are getting $10,000 and the rest of the estate goes to other groups/people. He was pissed! Other than the daily phone calls to my parents about when the check was coming we haven't heard from him since the funeral."

Chauncy
"If they ask, give them a confused look and say something like:

" 'Sorry, everything in the house has already been bequeathed. I thought you knew.' "

Katenigma
"It's traditional in my home town to ask a couple friends of the primary mourners, who aren't necessarily attached to the deceased, to hang out at the house to protect against grave robbers of every type. Both the common thief who saw the obituary and knows the house is ripe for robbery, and the more subtle forms of family thieves. Ask someone to keep the doors locked, refuse everyone entry and to call 911 if anyone objects too strongly."

nad22551
"My ex died and owed money left and right. I used to get collection calls even though we had been divorced for 15 years, and he had remarried and was divorced from #2. These calls were vary annoying. When he died, one collection agency kept calling me asking who had POA. I kept telling them he was dead, but they insisted they needed to know who had POA. I was annoyed enough not to tell them what they wanted to know was who the executor was. Play with me, I'll play with you. They even put a supervisor on the phone who asked the same question. Then they wanted to know if there were any heirs. I certainly wasn't going to tell them the names of my kids. They kept bugging me for a contact address. I finally gave them the address of the cemetery!"