Rocksolid Light

Welcome to novaBBS (click a section below)

mail  files  register  newsreader  groups  login

Message-ID:  

A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.


interests / rec.humor.oracle / Internet Oracularities Digest #1607

SubjectAuthor
o Internet Oracularities Digest #1607oracle-request

1
Internet Oracularities Digest #1607

<uuklil$i1n$1@reader1.panix.com>

  copy mid

https://www.novabbs.com/interests/article-flat.php?id=53&group=rec.humor.oracle#53

  copy link   Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle
Followup: rec.humor.oracle.d
Path: i2pn2.org!i2pn.org!weretis.net!feeder6.news.weretis.net!panix!.POSTED.panix6.panix.com!eli!not-for-mail
From: oracle-r...@internetoracle.org
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1607
Followup-To: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: Wed, 3 Apr 2024 22:35:01 -0000 (UTC)
Organization: PANIX Public Access Internet and UNIX, NYC
Approved: oracle-mod@cs.indiana.edu
Message-ID: <uuklil$i1n$1@reader1.panix.com>
Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org
Injection-Date: Wed, 3 Apr 2024 22:35:01 -0000 (UTC)
Injection-Info: reader1.panix.com; posting-host="panix6.panix.com:166.84.1.6";
logging-data="18487"; mail-complaints-to="abuse@panix.com"
 by: oracle-r...@internetoracle.org - Wed, 3 Apr 2024 22:35 UTC

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:49 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <steve@kinzler.com>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1607

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to
http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1607
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

1602 11 votes 04313 14213 03611 00443 00353 21431 10451 14321 22232 15320
1602 3.2 mean 3.3 3.1 3.0 3.9 4.0 3.0 3.5 2.8 3.1 2.5

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:50 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-01

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I need your forlorn help instantly! I kept a tub of marbles sitting
> here on my computer desk so that I could get around having to solve
> difficult problems in programming. The feel of the marbles between my
> fingers gave me hope.
>
> Suddenly the marble tub sprang a leek and they all went down the
> Automatic Rubbish Tube. From tub to tube! So I have lost my marbles.
>
> Do your damndest for me, please.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Blast! Doing things damnedest always leaves me in a double mind, as the
} Evil Oracle tends to show up and shout in!
} } It is indeed a sad thing Ha! Foolish inncarnation!
} to lose your marbles Mortals always lose! It is ordained!
} and the feel of your lost marbles. Feely marbles, bah!
} But fear not! Or fear, if you choose.
} There is a wondrous method Yes, it DOES involve bribery
} for replacing such lost items. Although marbles are available quite
} cheaply on Amazon!
} Find a near-by toy store. Or just check the building's waste
} bin.
} } You owe the Oracle a blessing You owe the evil Oracle the soul of
} an innocent

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:51 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-02

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Please explain (or unexplain) why I tend to write parenthetical remarks
> (like I just did (and am doing now)) in all the supplicatitive
> questions that I send to your Vast (And Overflowing) Oracular
> In-Basket. It's almost as if I have the opposite of a one-track mind,
> where I am unable to keep onto (Look! A Squirrel!!!) one idea, but must
> divert (or divide) my own attention (or lack of attention) (or
> whatever) elsewhere.
>
> Your (not you're) thoughts, please.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm tempted to say you have a Lisp.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:52 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-03

Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel Klein)<daniel.v.klein@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Why do people say "simp" instead of the correct term "sycophant"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's a recent term.
} } Atomic power plants got a name change to "nuclear" distinguish them
} from atomic bombs, which are now called nukes. Nuclear magnetic
} resonance in medicine is called MRI, to avoid the dreaded "nuke"
} problem. So names change frequently. VERY frequently, from my eternal
} perspective.
} } You owe the Oracle a performance of "Istanbul not Constantinople."
} (Three syllables instead of five.)

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:53 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-04

Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Time for History Class again. Please send me an authoritative
> dissertation about Dagobert II, who was King of the Mesorotarians or
> something back before people knew how to count in real numbers.
>
> I am not gong to insult you by calling him Dagobert the IIth, not this
> time. You know better than I possibly could how he might have named
> himself Dagobert the Truth of Mesorotaria but he didn't, probably. He
> put Mesorotaria back on the Gold Standard, making the coin of the realm
> less inflatable.
>
> Also I get extra points if I can connect his policies with Modern Times
> or at least New Times Roman, seeing how he was way back then when
> everyone was old.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dagobert was reasonably honest as a king (or at least frank-ish), and
} lived in the 7th century. He succeeded the throne in 656, but only
} ascended to it nearly 20 years later, as the steps were quite steep.
} According to Wilfrid, Dagobert was a tyrant (it's not a tie, it's a
} sodding cravat!) who attacked bishops by stabbing them straight on
} (bishops can only attack diagonally), and imposed new and inventive
} taxes (like charging bishops who wouldn't wear ties).
} } He engaged in a war that cost a vast amount of money, putting him deep
} into the red (or at least Burgundy), and caused Sadalbergato to move
} her convent (or fake air outlet) due to four bodings (who form
} tight-knit family hunting groups; you never hear about people being
} scared off by three-bodings).
} } In 676 Dagobert signed a "firm pact of peace" (or possibly a piece of
} a permed fact) due to the appearance of a Comet who had lost his way
} and become separated from Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Shortly
} afterwards, Dagobert restarted minting gold, which made After Eights
} more expensive and more likely to damage your teeth.
} } Unfortunately, Dagobert was assassinated by his godson with the
} consent (fake perfume - very overpowering) of the bishops (who were
} tired of spending hours every morning tying their cravats).
} Later, he was considered a martyr by the 'Ard Dennis tribe (a group of
} very aggressive men called Dennis).
} } Dagobert's policies have parallels in the modern day, where rulers
} often put up taxes, or at least taxis exercise their right to rule.
} } You owe the Oracle a petition against fonts that discriminate against
} fish, like Sans Gills.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:54 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-05

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I was about to send you five questions in a Burma-Shave jingle format,
> but I decided against it. I hope this pleases you.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If an answer
} Good you seek
} Don't write anything
} In Greek
} } Xyrisma tis Birmanias

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 03 Apr 24 18:34:55 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1607-06

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I want to point out to you a bug in the Oracle system. Larry Ellison's
> Oracle, not yours. My boss uses Oracle to handle payroll and other HR
> functions, and I know there's got to be some way for me to hack into it
> so I can double my pay. All my efforts to date have failed. I think
> there's a secret password, and it's probably known only to my boss, to
> Larry Ellison, and to YOU. Likewise you will probably know the
> weaknesses or trap doors that are built in for the benefit of Oracle
> staff or for the CIA or NSA or NSS or FDR or something.
>
> Please help me immediately. My bank account is about to be overdrawn if
> I don't get a lot more money very soon. I know I can count on you
> because you know a whole lot about computers, and because you have the
> same name as Larry Ellison, or at least can fake it.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This British incarnation is suspicious of anyone trying to hide bugs
} in database systems ever since Mr Bates had a little disagreement with
} the Post Office.
} } So, in the interests of transparency, here is the password:
} } Just in case that doesn't display on your screen, that's the emojis
} for: Polar bear hiding in a snow blizzard.
} Pope Francis in a puffer jacket hiding in the Antarctic.
} Ghost in a white sheet factory.
} Albino rabbit hiding on Hyams Beach.
}
Click here to read the complete article


interests / rec.humor.oracle / Internet Oracularities Digest #1607

1
server_pubkey.txt

rocksolid light 0.9.81
clearnet tor