Rocksolid Light

Welcome to novaBBS (click a section below)

mail  files  register  nodelist  faq  login

Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.


interests / alt.humor.puns / latest

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Hours 18 Minutes ago by: Mike

And the rest of the relatives will contest the will. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Hours 20 Minutes ago by: Mike

Now if it were E Clampus Vitus ------ Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Hours 21 Minutes ago by: Mike

But being “hip” is no longer considered being “with it” these days. It is not even Retro... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and ap

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Hours 23 Minutes ago by: Mike

So, did you meet Darlene in a Parlor House?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Hours 25 Minutes ago by: Mike

But can you deliver -- like a mail man?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Hours 37 Minutes ago by: Don Stockbauer

And he will will it to his son named –.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Hours 39 Minutes ago by: Don Stockbauer

One time they tried to explain how their group came about and they gave some long shaggy dog story which went on and on and on and it was like they were sitting around in their living room and heard a knock on the door and then they answe

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Hours 43 Minutes ago by: Don Stockbauer

As it says on those hip , "with it" jHollerith cards "do not spend fondo mutilate or transmit to Alpha Centauri via a mass teleportation device."

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Hours 47 Minutes ago by: Don Stockbauer

And as the characters in the comic strip Pogo found out , the way to be popular is not to do politics and join a party , its learn parlor tricks and join a party.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Hours 51 Minutes ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am a real man , a fisherman ,I use a rod and reel ,so there.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 6 Hours ago by: Mike

If you were a real man, hat in hand and going outside, I might oblige you. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedie

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 6 Hours ago by: Mike

That is not the sort of party I would hang around for. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 6 Hours ago by: Mike

You are fondle of doing that sort of thing. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Are you in league with them??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 6 Hours ago by: Mike

He will get it in a dash. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Because you're a Latin from Manhattan and Latin's from Manhattan are quite liberal about letting their conversational opponent change the subject.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

and if the five were outlaws in the old west and they stole horses then they all would be entertained by a necktie party.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I feel any all the time : razor blades , cacti , women's breasts, hot asphalt or grape marmalade.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes, yes there was this song called "Guild"' and it's about the guilds in the middle ages you know locksmiths and all that and of course who would sing it but The Association:

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 1 Day 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am an antique dealer that deals in butter churns so if someone brings in a butter churn to sell to me I ask him or her that's a good one do you have another?

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

One good churn deserves another Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Sounds like guild by association Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

So now you are feeling any because you are not getting any!! Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

I Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Why should I be latin you change topics like this?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I can understand that you force your pancreas to churn butter and you force your kidney to churn butter and you force your right testicle to turn butter but it's beneath contempt to force your stomach to churn butter.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

my job is to find people who have guilded their muscles with gold and to yank it off of them. therefore I'm a member of the Tugs Guild.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was a University of Texas at Austin grad and he was speaking with a Harvard fellow , the UT guy said "Where do Harvard men when they need their sexual tension relieved go to?" The Harvard man said "We here at Harvard never end a sen

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

A man went to a party and he saw there were five men in a row and he was attracted to these men , in particular he was attracted to their necks, so he went up to each one , one by one and he felt their necks , finally one of the five ask

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 2 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Do you know what the Latin word for "sheathe" is? It's vagina.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

That far away, you an sheath your blade Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

She got tired of being a neck-rophiliac Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Perhaps you should forget the session of your english teacher and end a senescence with a proposition. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, an

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

But did you belong to the Thugs Guild??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

That make my stomach ch-urn Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

yes Darlene does everyone and I don't mind because I am a sexually liberated old man but I do wear 10 condoms on top of each other when getting within 10 feet of her and then Debbie does do Dallas and then she moves on to Fort Worth , Ama

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Oh no, she did want to play a vamp which is short for vampire but she decided to extend her range of acting by sucking something besides blood

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am a bit bold to actually be having sexual intercourse with Darlene Infantipating an infant although I know it's improbable but possible me being 96 and her being 17 .

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Actually I'm so proud of my muscles I had them covered with gold so my muscles are the first guilded muscles in history.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The urn-gency is that you need to make butter real fast in order to butter up your boss.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 10 Hours ago by: Mike

But what is the urn-gency in churning butter?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 10 Hours ago by: Mike

So yours was the first Guided Muscle in history??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 10 Hours ago by: Mike

You are a bit old to be infanticipating Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 10 Hours ago by: Mike

And then she was not some 1920’s style vamp... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 10 Hours ago by: Mike

Debbie does Dallas and Darlene does Everyone Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

My cousin Zelda had a really strong back muscles so when she was making butter she had a lot of ch-urning ability.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I'm so proud of my quads , possibly the most muscular man in the history of history.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darlene is on a plan , she hasn't surprised us with a baby yet.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Also she played the role of a dog in some kind of weird S&M act out and her master kept telling her to "Heel".

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

how I got my darling? Well I've told that story many times but I'll repeat it again I was driving across Alabama stopped at a sleazy little gas station they had a rack of cheap paperbacks to one of them was "Darlene takes the toss " and t

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

Is that how you first got Darlene?? You asked for something in size 10 and got her??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wr

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

That’s because her doctor became so disgusted at her antics he gave up and told her to heel herself. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, an

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

No matter how good the plan, some one is there who suez you to stop it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

Can I quad you on that? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 3 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

But some have higher urn-ing power Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I went into the shoe store, the lady there asked me how big my feet are, I told her "well , I think I'll have to have something in size 10."

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darleen has excellent mannerisms and she's courteous and she's refined: she's very well heeled.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

A man, a plan, a canal: Suez.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No need to be a square, Daddio.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

What's a Greek urn? About $5.89 an hour.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

As I work in a crematorium, all I urn are ashes -- Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

No need to be so tart of it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Some of them are rather anal about challenges to their ability Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho M

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

SO she laced her heels with LSD!! Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Very incise-ice of you Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

And it's very similar to IRS form 29653 – RZ: STATE HOW MUCH YOU EARNED IN 2021. SEND IT IN.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Pi R square. Pi R not square. Pi R round. Cornbread R square.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once came up with a brilliant mathematical proof but this other mathematician told me that your proof is not correct , I see all kind of holes in it so I told him "no , that's OK , I'm more than willing to examine your holes."

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

darlene thought the punch at a party was too weak so she snuck in the back and put psycho stimulating chemicals on the heels of her shoes so when she came back to the party and dipped her heels which by the way were very sharp and pointy

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 4 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

so you have to give two boys the task of cutting their cake into two pieces so that they'll cut fairly so they'll have their cake and Edith, too. What do you tell them to do? one cuts and the other chooses.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Np matter how you cut it, you are NOT a cut above the rest. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

She did it out of spike. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

That about sums up the hole problem. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

THat would be old hat, any modern will tell you those who use hit him with pie are square, and out of date. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrect

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Its like that old song title “I owe, I owe, so its off to work I go" Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. G

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The best part that I like about a cake is the frothing.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I got on the bad side of Darlene so she took off her shoe and beat the crap out of me right on the face ,see all the welts?

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I have learned not to judge craters. When Putin pockmarks the entire Earth with huge steaming lava filled craters I think any one of them will be just as beautiful as the others.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

there was this old MAD magazine where people kept saying Donald duck and he'd duck down like someone threw something at him and it went on and on and on people would say Donald Duck and he duck again, it iterated many times and then right

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 5 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I have my A-cause which is of primary importance to me but in my spare time I work at my because.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days ago by: Mike

And it bugs you because?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days ago by: Mike

Duct the issue again I see Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days ago by: Mike

At least he was not looking for Judge Crater Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

As Neil Armstrong was coming in for a landing on the moon he went temporarily insane , all of a sudden he began to think that crater good.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , that's how the difference strikes me and believe you me , the difference is very large : it's a vas deferens.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The main thing that gets me are gnats.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

That requires a heavy weight solution and you are only a welt-er weight Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Which had you froth-ing at the mouth. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Then it must be one of those non-foaming shaving creams.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I sure need souls or else the bottom of my feet get sore.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

I do not care for the soul-itary existence. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

It does not look like it foam here Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

You gat me there... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

Is that how the difference strikes you??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

But would not be for the crater good. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

How do you Shasta one's illusions , pour a soft drink all over them?

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

no problem at all Gloria, I'm used to being harassed, beaten, spat on, tortured with hot pokers, yes I welcome your harassment you see I'm into bondage and discipline , especially from great feminist leaders. When you have a sadist and a

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Whenever there's a revolution, you're right back where you started.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I have a sad story to tell you. It may hurt your feelings a bit. Last night when I walked into my bathroom, I stepped in a big pile of shh- Shaving cream, shaving cream, Be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No , my funniest line was delivered right after I was convicted of murder: take my life, please.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

And that was your funniest line yet Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

That just goes to show you that shaving cream and an electric razor do not mix Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong re

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Another of your automatic replies Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

She is still alive and just looking for men like you to harrass Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 6 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Must I shasta your illusions??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

No, you made the big mistake when you were vacationing near mount Etna and the magda covered your entire body.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

there was this neat cartoon in the national lampoon and it showed glorious Steinham next to a little Dutch boy with his finger in Gloria Steinem you know where so I guess you could interpret that as meaning he had his finger in the dike (

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

That's a revolutionary idea.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

there was this laugh in sketch and they were making fun of a razor maybe Shick? Arty Johnson comes out with shaving cream on his face he's got like 10 places that are just literally running blood and now the company called their razor the

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes, I am one of the greatest standup comics of all time.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Since you said it standing up Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

You do need to razor level of coordination Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

But with her he shot blanks. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

So they have less competition when they dyke it out for first choice. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Gr

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

You magda big mistake saying that Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

You Gabor me with your statements.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was a lady who championed lesbian causes over male gay causes so Her More For Dykes.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

As he did Martha:

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The Australian word for face is nack, so when I'm shaving I often nick my nack.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Fraphingle Arhastuary Bonnevilyersyehen. No lie!!!!

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

And your real name is???? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Including your nick-nack?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Nothing new there --- Washington gets us all in the end. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Or as the hermaphrodite said “I will be with you in two sex." Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho M

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

You are Eva the trouble maker Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I'm sure that Putin's cohorts would chip in for it and also I told Darlene change your name to Eva

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

JSB Haldane did not say that "the universe is queerer than we imagine, it's queerer than we can imagine", what he actually said was "the universe is queerer than a couple of queers having queer sex."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

David Letterman once interviewed Connie Chung and he asked her "where were you reared at""?" she replied (Now I might not have the cities exactly right here ) "I was born in Toledo but I got reared in Washington DC"

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes exactly , I need help , that is , right after Darlene has removed all of her various sex toys from there.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 7 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There would be no aliases . everybody would have to use their legal name . If you had a common name like John Smith you'd be given a-number also. hiding behind an alias and performing character assassination would be not possible. To d

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 3 Hours ago by: Mike

How would you handle the name problem?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 3 Hours ago by: Mike

So you need help to fill that hole in your resume... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 3 Hours ago by: Mike

Till you get it in the rear for being in arrears Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 3 Hours ago by: Mike

So you think of yourself as a gay blade?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 3 Hours ago by: Mike

But at the prices for gas these days, could they afford 5 gallons??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Gro

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darlene told me she wanted to go to Russia so she could service Putin and I warned her now you need to be careful , you're gonna be locked in a bunker with him for the rest of your lives until they bring the 5 gallons of gasoline in.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

When you fire a metal to give it a temper you have to be careful because it might start arguing with you and threatening you with a knife.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I wants had a national debit card it would let me charge millions if not billions if not trillions if not quadrillion of dollars just like Elon musk.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darlene told me that even after full inflation I wasn't very satisfying to her.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

It had become so common by that year they gave it an alias just like all the idiots on the Internet that give themselves aliases so they can perform their crimes against humanity and never get caught.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

That should be Tele-port a potty. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

After inflation that is about what a million can actually buy these days Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Double that to include your share of the national debit Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

So he did not have a fire-y temper Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

A stiff reminder of how to use it Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Putin is getting so old and feeble minded and forgetful that he actually had some tattoo work done on his penis for a reminder. He had two words tattooed on it: Put in.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

many many ways for a matchless individual such as I to go around and be an arsonist there's rubbing two sticks together there's focusing the light of the sun with a contact lens there's the starter you get with a propane torch however wha

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Texas sized steak???? hell that would be so big it would cover over about 14 of those little puny ass states up there in the Midwest if it was used as a steak to revolve around and furthermore what's the stuff about all Texans being mil

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Hah!!!! $1 million . well the check could be made out for $1 million but the only funds itz going to find in the account are $3.52.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

it's the year 2492, we have a colony on Beta Reticuli VII, but they need portable outhouses We have just developed mass teleportation and the machine used to get those outhouses there is known as a Porta-Potty.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

It means he was too cheap to rent a Porta Potty. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Was that autograph on a check for 1 million dollars?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Did they use a Texas sized steak??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

If you are matchless -- how did you set all those fires?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Aa far as Putin is concerned with this, hue and dye wish him the worst Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Gr

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

yes she wanted me to help her dye I told her I'm afraid I can't but I made a counter offer that she and I well , not sure how to put this but what it amounts to was us getting overly friendly with each other and she said sir I'd rather

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am quite the expert at tennis why I can outdo Jimmy Connors and those two girls one of them is named Jupiter Williams or something like that but I really am the expert but what I need to ask you Mike something about match set I don't k

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Do you know how the American revolution came about ? they put a great big steak in Kansas and twirled that sucker around it

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I didn't want to hear it anymore from this person so I told him Stop! Sign! see, I'm such an insignificant nothing I was trying to get HIS autograph.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 8 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

dad used to tell this joke while we were out picking pecans and the joke went "why did the lady piss in the ocean ?" the answer is " because every little bit helps" never understood it and I don't understand it to this day you're pretty

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

And every litter bit helps Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Stop signs like that, it ruins the rural view. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

But wasn’t it the Stamp Act that help fuel the American Revolution??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

But they would not be a matching set/ Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

So she dye’d by her own hand. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

once I lived in this apartment and there was a nice lady in the apartment next to me I knew she was despondent and depressed but one day I heard her through the wall saying I want to die I want to die oh God I want to die how I wanna die

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

And there's a Chinese version of that : since when do two Wongs make a pair of Lithuanians?

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was put in prison for well we won't go in to Why they told me that my job was to make license plates extinct they said donnn you're going to stamp out license plates

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

We grow pecans here at the Stockbauer nut farm and in order to lure people in I made up a bunch of vinyl signs

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes quite literally she was born with the name of kitty litter but then as an adult she invented a line of litter which she named after herself kitty litter absolutely fascinating

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

So you took what I said litter-ally??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

That should have read VINYL --- Spell corrector strikes again Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Ma

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

They would have been rather messy to try and stamp out Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

Since when do two wrongs make a wright?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

What color??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , I walked down one of the trails and I was in error because it put me into a grave situation : I died.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 9 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Orville and Wilbur got into a fight, a verbal argument. Orville said "I'm Wright." Wilbur said "No, I'm Wright."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

A fellow decided to breed up a breed of bovine which had blue hair and the excrement of this animal was extremely valuable so you can say that he was into blue chip investments.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

Because if I had not checked his final signs and written them down there would be no record of them.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

That was the name of my girlfriend before Darlene came along, Kitty Litter..

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Sorry, but my cats are very picky about the litter they use. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Mar

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Wire you bringing up this check of his final signs?? He looks in good health. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong reme

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

I thought he only had Blue Chip investments. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Well, interest rates on savings are starting to rise. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

I suppose this is something you learned by trail and error! Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was this big national park and it has all kinds of trails and some of the trails oddly enough can only be used by someone named Kim, They're called oKim trails.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Once he tried to close his arms around me and I told him in no uncertain terms "I'm saving myself for Mr. Wright- Orville.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Vlad also liked to stave green stamps

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

One record got really wet ; water ran across the face of it. the rain left eight tracks of water on the record.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 10 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I'm getting $100 apiece, but you get the pick of the litter.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

And how much did you get for the pups??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

You should tape your time and prepared for such an eventuality. First you should have cassette all up in a box to protect it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagno

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Stave-ing us the trouble of doing it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

But he is always looking for new ways to be closing around. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

You are not satisfied with raving about chemtrails but have tp go bigger??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedi

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I like to watch the cloud form and then I tell myself "man , I wish I had a pizza big enough to put that guy on!!!!!"

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No, he was not trying to juggle a set of balls while he rock climbed, that would be almost impossible.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

My uncle Vlad , no relation to Putin , was terrorizing the countryside and we finally did manage to get a steak in his heart.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I have this big record collection , all the great musical artist of all time but I had to take it over to another building in the rain and they got spotty. Also at the same time space shuttle endeavor flew over

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 11 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No , he used the normal technique, doggy style.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

And are you bitch-ing about his technique?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

I heard you had a spotty record in that endeavor. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

And not thru the heart??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

He has a lot of balls to try such a risky stunt. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

You get a real blast out of them!!! Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I get excitement from mushrooms , especially the atomic kind.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I looked over and there was another rock climber dangling from a rock by his prepuce.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

You'll notice I said "wife to be"' not "iwife" but since this is a pun forum we have to have a pun here somewhere so the pun will be my wife's relatives decided to meet me and they did that by throwing sirloin steaks at my face

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am such a kind loving man who soul purpose here on earth is to rescue animals so I've been rescuing them and rescuing them over the years and I might have gone a little bit overboard because now I have 101 dalmatians.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I've got a twisted, perverted neighbor who tried to shag my dog.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

No, its a shagg carpet that sheds all over my dog. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

But if they were Dalmatian's, you would not have had to spot them at all, they would have been born that way. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorre

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Being both engaged and married at the same time would cause family problems Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedi

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

With a situation that critical, taking that extra time could precipice a disaster. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wron

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

So you are a fun guy not a fighter. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

This guy wanted to fight me , I told him I'm no man to tussle with , he told me you're about as much of a threat to me as a truffle my pig just dug up..

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am an expert rock climber , one time I was climbing a rock in Iraq but my short term memory is going bad so I had to get out my Cliff notes of how to proceed

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I got two dogs from the pound and I needed to name them and if it wasn't enough that I was so unimaginative I named one spot I also named the other one spot just like in that Bob Newhart series on TV where they had two brothers both of th

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was engaged and my wife to be said "I'm gonna have a get together with all my relatives so they can meet you but judging by the way you are and your reputation around town I'm sure it'll be an icy reception"

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 12 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I took my dog to the groomer yesterday and she said "boy , have you ever got a shaggy dog!"

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Are you sure it was not the Hawaiian Good Luck Sign??? See letter from Grandmother Dear Grand-Son, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.... I was feeling particu

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Do not pidgin hole my comment. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

No argument!!! That makes me board. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Perhaps it was just spots before your eyes. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

That excuse got an icy reception. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Perhaps I should loan Flicka my Cliff Notes on how to play poker Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

So you claim you are no one to truffle with??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 18 Hours ago by: Lafe

Your claim looks a little tong-in-cheek to me. Lafe

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 19 Hours ago by: Lafe

Up-pawn further reflection, I agree. Lafe

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am a very bizarre individual , I like to have cancer , I like to have lumps , every time I see a new lump I say "lump it to me God , lump it to me." I wound up being as large as a bus/sized truffle which by the way is an old joke from t

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

My horse Flicka was pretty stupid ; I'd play poker against him and I'd pretend like I had a really high hand (Which is what they call a "bluff") , and he'd fall for it every time , won several thousand dollars from that horse.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once got a job as a glazier and the first day the boss didn't see me around and he looked and looked and looked and finally he decided to phone and I said "glazier , I thought you said glacier, I'm here in Antarctica "

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once did a self diagnosis on myself and I self-diagnosed that I had a rash so I went to the doctor and I said doctor I think I have a rash and he said let's not rush to judgment on that rash , you might make a rash decision..

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 13 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once experienced a lady finger. I cut her off in traffic , she put her hand out the window and she had her middle Ladyfinger raised at me and she said "here's to you you dirty disgusting MAN!!!!"

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Switch to Lady Fingers then Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Don’t be so rash with your self diagnosis Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

You glazier at it and it did so right back. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

He thought it was a bluff until it was too late. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

So you either like it or lump it Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

sounds more like sonmething Chivvy Chase would stay. I get hives really bad , but there are certain days of the week where they're worse, Saturdays they're particularly bad so I called those my Saturday Night Hives.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

yes more of my dark humor god got so angry at me he appeared to me and said because you use dark humor I'm gonna give you a horrible disease , it's cancer and the cancerous lesions are very black the worst kind so you're going to be affec

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am a dastardly sort, one time I held a carrot in front of a horse and lured it over a cliff.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was once raking up leaves and what did I find beneath them? A glassy-eyed glass eye.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I did switch to finger food , but now I don't have any fingers to type with!

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

But by now you should have become tired of toe-foo and switched to finger food. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong r

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

As a card carrying member of the A.O.T.W. I can justifiably claim to be a silver tonged devil Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applyin

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

You would think it is as simple as black and white, but it is not Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Grouch

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

sounds more like sonmething Chivvy Chase would stay. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

But using them, leaves you glassy eyed Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

But you lurid him into doing it Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

More of your so called dark humor?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 12 Hours ago by: Lafe

Mike <mlevinespmfltr@redshift.com> wrote in news:0001HW.2824177700026CC07000044E838F@news.supernews.com: I'm not sure what you mean, but I wanted to Ag-knowledge your effort. Lafe

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 12 Hours ago by: Lafe

Don Stockbauer <donstockbauer@hotmail.com> wrote in news:d0a56dbe-f452-4c21-803d-d33e1fac38e6n@googlegroups.com: It's the funniest thing I've heard all knight. Lafe

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

When I first heard the term "black hole " I thought they were referring to a section of Victoria here which is frequented by female prostitutes of the African American persuasion.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Well when my dog was stepping back to fetch it it had a sudden heart attack and it went through a danse macabre.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I'm more cultured than cultured marble.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was telling this guy about Darlene and how she berates me and scolds me and makes me feel like crap and he asked me "Is she a nagger?" and I told him "No, she's a little white girl."

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , I am a tea-totaler and I am toe-tally sure of that.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

But are you toe-tally sure of that?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

DOn’t be such a nag Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

But she is more cultured that you. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Letting him dance around the topic Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 14 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

While yours is a black hole Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

I had to look up the word cheeky and the definition they had showed your picture and then the definition was "a man whose posterior is so big it stretches out beyond the cosmological event horizon"

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

yes I did step in it what happened was I stepped in it and then I was walking away and I looked back and realized that I could use it for my garden so I had my dog with me so I told my dog that stuff back there that I Steppin Fetchit.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

No no Minnie Pearl on the Grand Ole Opry was no genius ; she never even took the price tag off her hat.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

You meant a mere tour de horse?

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes I meant toes for sure ; for sure , toes . positively toes for sure.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Toe-chure Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

A mare tour de force for him Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

A sterling suggestion Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

I am supposed to wait for a pearl of wisdom from you??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

And then you step in it Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Very c heek-y of you Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

So you admit your posterior is so big that we will never see the end of it because it stretches out beyond the cosmological event horizon.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes it was a guided muzzle see I have a seeing eye dog and I told him go over and bite that guy , you'll need some guidance : 3 foot forward and 2 feet to the left:

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I Oyster belt you for that one.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

if my conversational opponent doesn't see things my way I hold their feet to the flames.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 15 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Saw this cartoon , it showed Bobby Fisher out in a field , he was close to a dead horse , there was a chessboard there and Bobby Fisher was saying "checkmate " that was really funny

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 19 Hours ago by: Lafe

Mike <mlevinespmfltr@redshift.com> wrote in news:0001HW.2822E3380013AF5270000327138F@news.supernews.com: There were a number of things that were missed. But I wouldn't want to pound a dead horse. Lafe

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 19 Hours ago by: Mike

So you like to in-flame a quiet discussion. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

And I have the high price tag to go with it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

I have the mussel need to do the job, Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

And you then hit him with a guided muzzle?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

But you will never see the end of this Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Because it would give me a chance to see exactly how big of a posterior you are.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

"Spate" is the past tense of "spit", right? For example , "yesterday I spate at that person because he made me mad."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I will only clam up when they pry my words from my cold , dead mouth.

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Besides being the world's expert at TicTacToe , you're also the world's expert at Tag, you're it.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Many discussions end in a flame war.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

That went up in flames. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

But you did not tag me on that reference... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

Just awaiting your next clam-it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

You are just saying that out of spate. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 15 Days 23 Hours ago by: Mike

But why would I need to moon you?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

A comparison between me and you would be like a comparison between a diseased giraffe and a crater on the moon.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Hail to thee oh Great Mike, Master of the Pun.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Why do you crab all the time?

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was going to play TicTac toe against Mike, but he's the world expert.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

He had some kind of weird obsession with roses.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Was he still using a kane at the time??? The last time I saw him, he was the third man of the day I saw using one. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it inc

Re: Somewhat symbolic. (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Sharp of you to notice so quickly Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

That is being rather shellfish of you. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

You mist the point Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Your not wanting to speaks volumes about how a comparison would turn out Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am not going to be around someone like you that lisps when he tries to say "size."

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

As you know there is no kind of special rain for sheep , as you say a bah-rain.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

My girlfriend Darlene was never sued for selling seashells by the seashore because they're public domain.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Arson Welles was also a member.

Somewhat symbolic.

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 19 Hours ago by: Lafe

I was trying to teach some of the newer devs about the noble octothorpe. But I made a hash of it.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

There arson rumors to that effect going around. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Wrong routine --- that should have been your sister Sue selling seashells by the seashore but you are not Sy.,.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9s8U0O0XPE&t3s Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for t

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

I do not want to bahrain on your parade (that’s a lie, actually I do love doing it) Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the w

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 16 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

That is about the scythe of it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

Once I burned down my neighbor's barn ; he came after me with a pitchfork . he said we're gonna have a rush to judgment here.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

One of those Middle Easterners made me so mad I got furious so Iraqed him , then Iran.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days ago by: Don Stockbauer

My girlfriend Darlene sells seashells by the seashore. That's when she's not out hooking. Big fisher woman she is.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 1 Hour ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes, they actually accepted fireflies as members.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Any well known lumen-aries among them?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Shore it is Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

And would they need help to Finnish the job?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Thas called a race condition --- rushing to judgement Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

my brain is just beyond description as for being fast and competent and nice and hard-working and fast and nice , for most of this activity the time between synoptical transmissions and receiving's is like a trillionth of a second but som

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Here's a very important international political question: If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear , would Greece help?

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

One of my favorite comic strips is Dune es bery.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I was once a flashlight salesman and I wound up selling flashlights to the Illuminati.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Very illuminating Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

They dune him wrong Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Did she greece it??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 17 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

So you had second thoughts. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

there was this fellow who had a very strange physiological defect in that when he had sexual intercourse he could only ejaculate for 1/10 of a second 1/10 of a second mind you he really got depressed about it he went to the doctor

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

On our wedding night I discovered that Darlene was not a virgin this really upset me she said in her defence "oh honey, I ruptured it sliding down a pole when I was 15 " and I told her " yeah it could've been a Pole or a Serbian or

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Guy goes to his insurance agent he says "I want a policy which protects my house against hail, hurricanes, and volcanoes. I want clauses for all those things. oh yes , I remember I need a clause against sandstorms. Can you write one of t

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The Chinese came up with this thing which can drill through anything because it doesn't use normal metal to make a drill out of it actually uses a high powered laser so they're calling it the Chinese fire drill.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

“Zoo" may be the current politically correct term, but my memory still comes up with “Chinese Fire Drill" Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrec

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

Not that is your best joke ever. But every one knows there is no such thing as a sanity clause Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and apply

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

Do you really want to take a pole on this one??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 7 Hours ago by: Mike

So now he is famous for exposing his shortcomings (I give credit to David Niven for that one) Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applyin

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was his fellow running around nude in our town and everyone thought he didn't have a penis . So he finally stops in front of a crowd, pointed his midsection and says "it's a phallus, see, that I have no penis."

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

This fellow came up to me and I'm sure he was offering me gay sex because he told me "let's get something straight between us."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darlene almost died laughing since she appreciates fine humor coming from me being the worlds foremost comedian. However she absolutely refuses to laugh at Santa because he does have an exclusion clause.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 18 Days 19 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

OK later on I'm going to put them in a zoo and you can become the dozent.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Not even if looked at just a dozen of them??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

She knew about the exclusion clause that they would pay if the insured died laughing. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the w

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

But they never try and get the straight facts Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Another phallus-cy Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I heard about this orgy where there was stiff competition , and the music played during it was Frankie Valli's classic "I keep working my way back to you, babe"

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Actually she's a shemale so she has something for the guys too at least if they're gay.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I offered Darlene a $1 million life insurance policy with me as beneficiary but she did not bite .

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 18 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The fact that most of them are really gross to look at.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

But what is really the net difference between them??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Just so she did not bite Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

The true fee-male Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 19 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

If this was a liars contest, you would be stiff competition with that one Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No, no I was watching him from behind the bushes and I was just watching him mind you , not doing anything else just viewing no other activity on my part.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

My other girlfriend Esmeralda , in order not to over use the name Darlene too much, gives the public what they want, but they have to pay.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Darlene hiccuped and got a pain in her stomach but I won't tell you what she was doing.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I have many different strains of fish in my aquarium.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Believing that is a strain. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

But not as much pain as the glass blower who hiccuped and got a pane in his stomach. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wro

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

If he actually waits that long he is not following the prime rule of a salesman --- Give the public what they want Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it inc

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Prurient speculation on your part Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was this fellow (not me) who was caught , well , how do we say this delicately , enjoying the amorous interaction between himself and his car's tail pipe; he was arrested for being auto erotic

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Or Vladimir Putin's tombstone "I had to bury myself since everyone else was dead."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I had this plane it was made completely out of glass kind of like wonder woman's car but since my plane was made out of glass it was my pane plane.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 12 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once had an aquarium and I asked Darlene "where is the filter ?" she said "right here in my hand , I have Gefilte."

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

There is a religious spa that specializes in serving fresh caught Gefilte Fish Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong re

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

They consider a real pane. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

On Rodney Dangerfield’s “There goes the neighborhood" Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

Can’t do that now as they do not make cars like they auto. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Mar

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

my distant relative Alonso Stockbauer was given land by Great Britain It was a huge amount of paperwork to cover all the legal technicalities of him accepting this huge piece of land . he finally got the paper all together and he had t

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

What did WC Fields tombstone read ? " Better here than Philadelphia" Although I also heard that that was false.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I've been shooting up the O'Connor building in downtown Victoria ,went by there last night and shot all the windows out of the ground floor yeah Victoria police , you know who to come get.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 20 Days 21 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I know a spa where the attendees are covered with a poultice of oysters Rockefeller.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Or a nice healthy Spa , I know of a nice one run by a well to do family its call the Spa Getty.... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and ap

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Just what have you been shoot-ing up??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

So on his headstone it rads Erie lies. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Just so you do not make like Carie Nation.... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 16 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I won the Pull-Itzer prize, but I don't even know what an Itzer is????? And is it so big I can't just carry it?

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes dad's Erie-Tates must reproduce somehow so he made them very Erie-spawn-sible.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

remember this was time travel so I got back just as the motorcade was approaching the Texas school book depository and I yelled out hey driver you have a flat he stopped the car instantly and Oswald got all flustered and ran away and I sa

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I give the chickens a house named kind of fancy like maybe a French resort , it's called the Coup de Ville.

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 里出差叫小姐/全套服務/上門服務/按摩舒壓/ 推拿/援交妹/一夜情/約妹打炮/吃魚喝茶 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

You should have put a better lock on the door of the coop. Perhaps if you kept them in a sedan instead... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, an

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

So just where did you find him?? The school book depository or the grassy knoll?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

That is being Erie-sposable. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Not even to win the Pull-itzr prize?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: 八里外送茶賴:693856八里找小姐,八 (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

SE9uIFNhdHVyZGF5LCBKYW51YXJ5IDEsIDIwMjIgYXQgMjozMjoyNSBBTSBVVEMtNiwg5qWK56Gs IHdyb3RlOgo+IOWFq+mHjOWklumAgeiMtuiztO+8mjY5Mzg1NuWFq+mHjOaJvuWwj+WnkCzlhavp h4zlh7rlt67lj6vlsI/lp5Av5YWo5aWX5pyN5YuZL+S4iumWgOacjeWLmS/mjInmkanoiJLlo5Mv 5o6o5ou/L

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No, you look prettier all gussied up with a full set of lashes , I would never pull any of them out.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

i'm afraid Nelson has to go it's getting into this Internet loop thing and I don't even know how to tell you this and make a pun out of it but so long Nelson my father was doing some farming up by Lake Erie he discovered how to grow pot

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 21 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I really like the oldies ,old phonograph records , songs on them titled like "I'm singing this before the Big Bang" and also "I went back in time and prevented the John F. Kennedy assassination."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Sp you just had to chime in with that oldie. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

General-y speaking, that is the best option. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

Did that ;able Erie-tate him? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 4 Hours ago by: Mike

So now you are lash-ing out at me/// Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

So if you're the sadist and you get a Lucky Strike in you'll give the masochist a maximum amount of pleasure.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The National Lampoon once had some geographical puns ; one of them went "I like steel Buick's and I like copper Chevys but I Constantinople. " another one was "businessmen like to have sex with their secretaries ; a banker likes to Poca

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I've always held you in high regard, Mike ; I've Admiraled you.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 22 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

why the ringer is the hunchback of Notre Dame . he didn't have any arms so he had to run at the Bell and hit it with his face to ring it. one time he missed the bell and fell all the way down to the street , a passerby looks at him and

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

And who is this ringer you are bringing in to help you??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

So now when you walk the dog, you look for old familiar feces. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho M

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

At this point I would prefer to Tap the Admiral Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Now that is ear-y Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

That’s strike one against him Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

If you're watching a sadist and a masochist interact with each other, how do you know which is which? Well, the masochist pleads "Beat me, beat me" and the sadist replies "No".

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

He did have some strange hangups he had a painting of the Mona Lisa painted in the style of van Gogh and he had his cousin Mervin who committed suicide hanging from his wall and he had a quad copter from below Cheyenne Mountain dang

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Here lies Professor Hyde, Pickled in formaldehyde.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

And being the worlds greatest punster, much better than either you or Hallock.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Why of course we can't have that poop just be on the road where it doesn't do any good . it Hass to be scooped off into the pasture : I'm finally doing something useful rather than being a programmer on the space shuttle in clear Lake

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

And are you the pooper scooper for them? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Here lies Bill son of Fred He lied alive, he now lies dead. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

He has some strange hang-ups/ Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

But she did whip him into shape Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

That's like the fellow that retained the services of a prostitute who was into S&M so he had to fund her and play games but then he got hurt.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

He meant 10 dastardly criminals out there in the waves , so he decided to hang 10.

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

As far as what politicians do Simon and Garfunkel summed that up in their song The Boxer: Lie lie lie, Lie lie lie lie lie lie, Lie lie lie and so on.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes of course, pee turd. The cows walk along, they stop, they shit and piss , and the pee falls right down on the turd.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Considering that is Texas you are talking about, it would be more accurate to say pee-turd Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying t

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Usually its the politicians that I need to check the lie of the land/ Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Gr

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Untill he got board... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 21 Hours ago by: Mike

Its all fund and games till someone gets hurt. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

The very best place to practice wargames is the Bay of Funding.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes, he really liked to surf, so we took him out to practice his craft on a swell.

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

So basically you're asking me what's my lying?

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 23 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Here in Victoria, Texas we have a lot of stupid people . basically they're called retards. if they wet the bed overnight they're called pee tards.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Brings a whole to aspect to the term “Hoisted on his own petard" Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Grouc

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

To tell the truth, I doubt it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

But all a war does is distract each of the services from their real enemy --- each other over funding. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, a

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I once ran an amusement park for children and we had all these little cars that children could ride called kiddy cars and when we parked them at night they had to be exactly right , the area where we stored them over night was an aisle ba

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

they really used a fuse to set off an atomic bomb ?do you know Estes rocket company always ridiculed the light and run gang , what they promoted was igniting the Rockets with a nichrome wire which you would electrify and then it would melt

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yeah ,you're right , just like it's too bad we haven't had a full-blown World War III so our soldiers could get some real fighting in before they're vaporized.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

There was this fellow named Ralph That and it was his birthday so we had a big birthday party for him and we made a toast to him and I said "I'll drink to That."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

And they used locally available materials so that when the fuse was it, the shit really flew. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applyi

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

Aisle hold my judgement till I see you “work" Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

I’l drink to that. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 20 Hours ago by: Mike

So that the activists would picket and not some innocuous activity. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Grou

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , what they were doing is a demonstration of demonstrations. they'd go to a food show and they'd look at all the demonstrations and get those people to demonstrate for their demonstration which of course is called a meta-demonstratio

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 22 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

once I was doing some LSD and these two spirits appeared to me , the one on the left told me Putin is going to destroy the earth, it turned out to be a very evil spirit and the spirit on the right told me that we will have peace foreve

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I am a great artist but I have trouble finding canvases so one night I was walking through a back alley and I experienced some wonderful canvases which had been tossed out but were still perfectly usable so I took them to my artist place

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 24 Days 23 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

your last post is very Obscura to me; that's the pun requirement in any case once I read that you can build a really big camera obscura and use it at night and you can like actually project messages two or 3 miles away and what they sugg

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Perhaps if you used a Camera Obscura.... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Drawing on previous experiences??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Now that is the right spirit you need to get thru life. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

A demonstration at a food show !!! Those activist must be really hard up for something to protest. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and a

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

in April I took Darlene to a food show where they had various demonstrations of kitchen aids and it was by the way in April so what we called the whole thing afterwards was April in Puree.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

And afterwards I had a jinn and tonic.

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 17 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Contrary to the last post I'm not going bye bye . I asked Darlene to come up and see my etchings and she said the very best way to see etchings is while reciting the I Ching.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 25 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Now Mike. Your Obscura references are forcing me to go to research the best I can find about bunker complexes they are huge underground bunkers to laughingly survive World War III . can't even come up with a pun you have to give me

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

Did the eagle have a bunker complex?? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

I hope you did not use that old line on your girl and invite her up to see your itch-ings Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying th

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

You ate it jinn-gerly. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 1 Hour ago by: Mike

How about April in Pear-is??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

very few people know all the variety of pears there's the pair pair there's the pecan pair there's the double pair there's the pairing pair and there's the Venus pear but when you have pears that really like each other strongly you ha

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I had a friend come over to the house here and we were eating a big meal and I asked him "has all this food satened you?"

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 2 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , since the successor really liked the shirt made out of Putin's skin we would say "To itch his own."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

there was this book that wound up in an eagles nest which taught male homosexuals to give it up and become heterosexuals it was a dick shun airy. they always told me the best puns are the ones which do not have a tortured setup.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

Perhaps a better Chinese-English DIction-ary// Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

To itch his (or her) own Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

And you missed going to learn from Anton Lavey???? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 26 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

So from them you will never get a straight line??? Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

that's a real Tuffy I had to go to Google and see what Arden pair means and I came up with this: Pre-insulated pair copper coil is just about the best invention since the air conditioner itself. By eliminating cutting, threading on and s

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

well geez I don't know I've only visited San Francisco one time that's when Mona and I went out there and I really didn't pick up much of the slang but an educated guess would be that San Francisco males nickname their penises "Mark" and

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Actually due to Putin's war crimes they had him skinned and they made a shirt out of his hide so when in the future his successor will be riding around on horseback shirtless his aide can come out and say "here , you're really ugly from

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 3 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Nixon was giving a speech in China and he said through an interpreter "she could do that but it would be Wong."

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

You could say that she had a labor of love... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

So that is where the screams of “Put it on --- put it on,,,,” have been coming from Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

And what did your girl say when she thought what’s what you meant when you told her you would have her eating at the Top of the Mark?? (That’s a San Francisco joke) Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of lookin

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 8 Hours ago by: Mike

And to remember when they were saying “Lesbian ardent pair.” Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 10 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Uber is real big in Germany in fact it's out does Lift and all those other private chauffeur type services so you see the saying now in Germany a lot: "Deutschland Uber Alles" There's also a prostitute in Germany named Alice and she's

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I want told that joke "which by the way I made up , to my ex-wife's doctor in Shiner Texas and he thought it was really funny . oh where is the pun ? this guy told me that he once used a magic marker to write PUT IN on his penis.

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I like to be near Darlene while I work and I do work at home and Darlene has this habit of being nude during the day and she likes me so she comes over and sits near me nude and everything and one day there wasn't a lot of work to do so I

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 27 Days 11 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

you made me go look up the meaning of bairn and it apparently means apparently Scottish for baby so maybe you're meaning like the baby was a mistake due to the defective conundrum And "to the work" looks like a typo for two the world so a

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Or else she would be bairn his mistakes to the work. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

While you had a slow day at the orifice Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Putin him in his place. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 2 Hours ago by: Mike

Uber all, you blew it. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Back in third grade I was part of a spelling bee and my word was "lift" and I spelled it "Lyft" and the teacher said "come into the back room and we're going Lift you onto a makeshift plywood Hillary and then Corll you"

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I say a stupid, ignorant person is Vladimir Putin ; I mean who else nowadays wants to get everyone killed? Oh yes, the pun. I once saw Putin at this big important meeting we were both attending , he was over in the corner, I put out my

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Those holes were carved by a Swiss Army knife.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 4 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

He wasn't too wise because one of those wiggly bastards got loose and now she's pregnant and now he'll pay child support until the sun vaporizes the earth.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

So he is a real weisz guy... Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

But for the hole experience -- ,use Swiss Cheese instead. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

Dance => a stupid, ignorant person. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 6 Hours ago by: Mike

I thought you would have been cheap and had one of the crew give you a lyft there. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wron

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes , I did pay them ; I hired a taxi to take me to the IRS to pay my taxes.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Yes, I've always wanted to organize a great big dance with celebrities and such , in fact there's a play or something that's named "the policeman's other ball" is that Monty python ? I'm not sure

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

If one eats hole wheat bread it gives one the stamina for such activities.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 28 Days 20 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

That reminds me of this joke, a guy was making love to his girlfriend and he was wearing a condom so when he finished his girlfriend asked him "What are we gonna name the baby?" and he said, holding up the condom, "if he or she can get o

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Erick Weisz might argue the point. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

One of whom finds the the hole thing quite inconvenient Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

One way or the other, you are determined to have a ball. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 5 Hours ago by: Mike

Did you remember to pay your taxes on the crewed income. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

Re: Nelson (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 13 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Well , actually he was gay so his "bride "was a male that shared that state with him.

Re: Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

No, only Jesus Christ could pull off that trick.

Re: Crew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

I had a sailboat which had a drilling platform on it and what I was out to do was to bring up the crewed.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 14 Hours ago by: Don Stockbauer

Just the thought of her Rolfing made me want to go golfing.

Re: Dew (thread)

alt.humor.puns

Posted: 29 Days 22 Hours ago by: Mike

Even the thought of it had her rolfing all over the floor. Michael LeVine mlevine@redshift.com Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

498 recent articles found.

rocksolid light 0.7.2
clearneti2ptor