On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
> On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
> > ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
> > autoimmunue condition).  It is, functionally, untreatable and
> > progrssive.  A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
> > than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
> > opposites.  Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
> > functional.  ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
> > On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
> > leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body.  A horrible
> > trap.
>
> The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable.  Sometimes it's a
> generalized "fading" of memory and cognition.  Sometimes particular
> cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
> And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
>
> Sometimes this is relatively benign.  My wife (a dementia specialist)
> tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
> his wife.  When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
> the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
> and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!"  His wife was mortified.
>
> But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
> is unleashed.  One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
> was living in a care facility for a couple of decades.  It was months
> after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
> they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
> loving mother and wife that she had been.  I dread the idea that
> someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
> hurting the people who are closest to me.
>
> Joel
>
My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
facility.

She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
away. It really sucked.

--
Dave Scruggs
Captain, Boulder Creek Fire (Retired)
Sr. Software Engineer - Stellar Solutions (Definitely Retired)

On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 3:28:15 PM UTC-4, BCFD36 wrote:
> On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
> > On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
> > > ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
> > > autoimmunue condition). It is, functionally, untreatable and
> > > progrssive. A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
> > > than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
> > > opposites. Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
> > > functional. ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
> > > On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
> > > leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body. A horrible
> > > trap.
> >
> > The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable. Sometimes it's a
> > generalized "fading" of memory and cognition. Sometimes particular
> > cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
> > And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
> >
> > Sometimes this is relatively benign. My wife (a dementia specialist)
> > tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
> > his wife. When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
> > the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
> > and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!" His wife was mortified.
> >
> > But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
> > is unleashed. One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
> > was living in a care facility for a couple of decades. It was months
> > after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
> > they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
> > loving mother and wife that she had been. I dread the idea that
> > someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
> > hurting the people who are closest to me.
> >
> > Joel
> >
> My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
> slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
> you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
> homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
> houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
> you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
> a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
> not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
> facility.
>
> She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
> away. It really sucked.

Too many of us are, or are dealing with, slowly fading parents. My mother (91)
is in a care home with dementia, and has been for 3 years. Its actually easier now
that she barely recognizes us, than it was when she still had the lucidity to be
angry and ask to go home.

pt

On 7/7/2022 2:34 PM, pete...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 3:28:15 PM UTC-4, BCFD36 wrote:
>> On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
>>> On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
>>>> ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
>>>> autoimmunue condition). It is, functionally, untreatable and
>>>> progrssive. A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
>>>> than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
>>>> opposites. Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
>>>> functional. ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
>>>> On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
>>>> leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body. A horrible
>>>> trap.
>>>
>>> The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable. Sometimes it's a
>>> generalized "fading" of memory and cognition. Sometimes particular
>>> cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
>>> And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
>>>
>>> Sometimes this is relatively benign. My wife (a dementia specialist)
>>> tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
>>> his wife. When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
>>> the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
>>> and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!" His wife was mortified.
>>>
>>> But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
>>> is unleashed. One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
>>> was living in a care facility for a couple of decades. It was months
>>> after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
>>> they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
>>> loving mother and wife that she had been. I dread the idea that
>>> someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
>>> hurting the people who are closest to me.
>>>
>>> Joel
>>>
>> My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
>> slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
>> you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
>> homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
>> houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
>> you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
>> a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
>> not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
>> facility.
>>
>> She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
>> away. It really sucked.
>
> Too many of us are, or are dealing with, slowly fading parents. My mother (91)
> is in a care home with dementia, and has been for 3 years. Its actually easier now
> that she barely recognizes us, than it was when she still had the lucidity to be
> angry and ask to go home.
>
> pt

This is why I am going to see Elvis tomorrow with my 83 year old father.
And spend the weekend with them as I commonly do once every 6 to 8
weeks. They live about 110 miles away from me. I figure some day I
will not get that opportunity.

Lynn

In article <97384cb9-9f5e-4421-b300-98ada21c6f4dn@googlegroups.com>,
pete...@gmail.com <petertrei@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 3:28:15 PM UTC-4, BCFD36 wrote:
>> On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
>> > On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
>> > > ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
>> > > autoimmunue condition). It is, functionally, untreatable and
>> > > progrssive. A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
>> > > than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
>> > > opposites. Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
>> > > functional. ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
>> > > On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
>> > > leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body. A horrible
>> > > trap.
>> >
>> > The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable. Sometimes it's a
>> > generalized "fading" of memory and cognition. Sometimes particular
>> > cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
>> > And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
>> >
>> > Sometimes this is relatively benign. My wife (a dementia specialist)
>> > tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
>> > his wife. When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
>> > the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
>> > and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!" His wife was mortified.
>> >
>> > But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
>> > is unleashed. One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
>> > was living in a care facility for a couple of decades. It was months
>> > after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
>> > they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
>> > loving mother and wife that she had been. I dread the idea that
>> > someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
>> > hurting the people who are closest to me.
>> >
>> > Joel
>> >
>> My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
>> slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
>> you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
>> homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
>> houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
>> you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
>> a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
>> not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
>> facility.
>>
>> She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
>> away. It really sucked.
>
>Too many of us are, or are dealing with, slowly fading parents. My mother (91)
>is in a care home with dementia, and has been for 3 years. Its actually
>easier now
>that she barely recognizes us, than it was when she still had the
>lucidity to be
>angry and ask to go home.

(Hal Heydt)
My mother died at 92 in 2005. The day before she died, she was
teaching puppetry to other patients in the convalescent facility.
Puppetry had been a passion of hers for something over 50 years.

On 2022-07-07, pete...@gmail.com <petertrei@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 3:28:15 PM UTC-4, BCFD36 wrote:
>> On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
>> > On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
>> > > ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
>> > > autoimmunue condition). It is, functionally, untreatable and
>> > > progrssive. A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
>> > > than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
>> > > opposites. Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
>> > > functional. ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
>> > > On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
>> > > leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body. A horrible
>> > > trap.
>> >
>> > The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable. Sometimes it's a
>> > generalized "fading" of memory and cognition. Sometimes particular
>> > cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
>> > And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
>> >
>> > Sometimes this is relatively benign. My wife (a dementia specialist)
>> > tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
>> > his wife. When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
>> > the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
>> > and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!" His wife was mortified.
>> >
>> > But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
>> > is unleashed. One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
>> > was living in a care facility for a couple of decades. It was months
>> > after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
>> > they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
>> > loving mother and wife that she had been. I dread the idea that
>> > someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
>> > hurting the people who are closest to me.
>> >
>> > Joel
>> >
>> My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
>> slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
>> you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
>> homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
>> houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
>> you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
>> a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
>> not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
>> facility.
>>
>> She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
>> away. It really sucked.
>
> Too many of us are, or are dealing with, slowly fading parents. My mother (91)
> is in a care home with dementia, and has been for 3 years. Its actually easier now
> that she barely recognizes us, than it was when she still had the lucidity to be
> angry and ask to go home.

Yes, my mom has been in assisted living with Alzheimer's for over a
year; I'm still getting 2-3 calls a week at supper time from her
asking when one of us will be picking her up and taking her home.

At least we were able to find a nice small facility (really home) for
her. I was amazed to find out how many "up to 5 residents" facilities
there were around (almost a hundred in our county). So much nicer and
more personal than the larger institutions I had envisioned and only a
couple of miles away so I can visit every day. I visit at lunch and
she has forgotten that by supper time, but she at least knows she sees
me often! We'll see how long that lasts and I keep praying for no
medical issues that would require the larger institution.

Chris

On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 8:35:01 PM UTC+1, pete...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Thursday, July 7, 2022 at 3:28:15 PM UTC-4, BCFD36 wrote:
> > On 7/3/22 14:30, Joel Polowin wrote:
> > > On 2022-06-30 12:05 PM, Hal (via Dorothy J Heydt) wrote:
> > > > ALS is a *terible* "disease" (scare quotes because it is an
> > > > autoimmunue condition). It is, functionally, untreatable and
> > > > progrssive. A friend I was staying (to be closer to the hospital
> > > > than our home) made the comparison that ALS and Alzheimers are
> > > > opposites. Altzheimers destroys the mind leaving the body
> > > > functional. ALS destroys the body leaving the mind functional.
> > > > On the whole, she said she'd prefer Altzheimers, given that ALS
> > > > leaves a live, aware, self in a non-functioning body. A horrible
> > > > trap.
> > >
> > > The effects of Altzheimer's are highly variable. Sometimes it's a
> > > generalized "fading" of memory and cognition. Sometimes particular
> > > cognitive areas are hit, as with Sir Terry's language skills.
> > > And then there's frontal dementia, which knocks out self-control.
> > >
> > > Sometimes this is relatively benign. My wife (a dementia specialist)
> > > tells of an incident when she was meeting with a new patient and
> > > his wife. When the patient approached her, sitting in her office,
> > > the guy got a big grin and lunged at her across her desk, both arms
> > > and hands outstretched, and shouted "Boobies!" His wife was mortified..
> > >
> > > But sometimes... everything that's horrid and nasty about a person
> > > is unleashed. One of my high-school teachers went this route, and
> > > was living in a care facility for a couple of decades. It was months
> > > after her passing, her family told us at a memorial gathering, that
> > > they were regaining their memories of the intelligent, creative,
> > > loving mother and wife that she had been. I dread the idea that
> > > someday, there may be a monster living in my body, with my memories,
> > > hurting the people who are closest to me.
> > >
> > > Joel
> > >
> > My brothers and I lost my mother to Alzheimer's in March. Watching the
> > slow decline over several years was torture. And there is not a thing
> > you can do about it. We didn't try home care or caring for her at one of
> > homes. Her house was definitely not set up for home and none of our
> > houses was really good for it either. Besides, if you hire in-home help,
> > you have no idea of the quality of people you will get. Of course, with
> > a Assisted Living situation you have somewhat of the same problem but
> > not as bad. You can check on certifications and the history of the
> > facility.
> >
> > She didn't turn nasty or anything like that. She just kind of faded
> > away. It really sucked.
> Too many of us are, or are dealing with, slowly fading parents. My mother (91)
> is in a care home with dementia, and has been for 3 years. Its actually easier now
> that she barely recognizes us, than it was when she still had the lucidity to be
> angry and ask to go home.
>
> pt
That generation of my relatives is going, some well and some badly. Two relatives were depressed enough or in enough pain that they basically just crawled into bed and waited to die. My Father had the cancer that killed him missed by the NHS because he also had a hernia he was too frail for them to operate on - they put his pain down to the hernia and did not spot the cancer until all they could do was keep him pain-free with morphia until he died. My Mother's great fear was dementia. She got what is probably vascular dementia, which robbed her of the ability to read and caused her to have great trouble picking the right words when speaking: she is currently in hospital with an infection which may or may not finally kill her.

On Thu, 7 Jul 2022 23:14:57 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt)
wrote:

>(Hal Heydt)
>My mother died at 92 in 2005. The day before she died, she was
>teaching puppetry to other patients in the convalescent facility.
>Puppetry had been a passion of hers for something over 50 years.

My mother also died in 2005 in her case at 71. She was run over by a
runaway RV. The runaway RV was driven by my father who hit the gas
when he intended to hit the brake. On his birthday no less.

This was about 2000 miles from home at a trade show buying trip for
our family business which they led. I got the 'privilege' of talking
to 3 different news reporters that week. It was not immediately clear
whether his Alzheimers had started before or after her death.

As I've said several times said 'I have lost loved ones fast, I have
lost them slow - they're horrible either way' My mother and my wife
both went in a flash. My father and maternal grandfather both went
slowly though my grandfather didn't hurt anyone on the way out.

We all have our crosses to bear - some are heavier than others.

On Fri, 08 Jul 2022 00:09:47 -0700, The Horny Goat <lcraver@home.ca>
wrote:

>On Thu, 7 Jul 2022 23:14:57 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt)
>wrote:
>
>>(Hal Heydt)
>>My mother died at 92 in 2005. The day before she died, she was
>>teaching puppetry to other patients in the convalescent facility.
>>Puppetry had been a passion of hers for something over 50 years.
>
>My mother also died in 2005 in her case at 71. She was run over by a
>runaway RV. The runaway RV was driven by my father who hit the gas
>when he intended to hit the brake. On his birthday no less.
>
>This was about 2000 miles from home at a trade show buying trip for
>our family business which they led. I got the 'privilege' of talking
>to 3 different news reporters that week. It was not immediately clear
>whether his Alzheimers had started before or after her death.
>
>As I've said several times said 'I have lost loved ones fast, I have
>lost them slow - they're horrible either way' My mother and my wife
>both went in a flash. My father and maternal grandfather both went
>slowly though my grandfather didn't hurt anyone on the way out.
>
>We all have our crosses to bear - some are heavier than others.

Mine went in 1997. Pancreatic cancer, which as cancers go is fairly
quick. I really wish that the damned doctor had been honest about the
prognosis--he advised chemo, which almost never works with pancreatic
cancer, and it destroyed what little time she had left. I still
occasionally reach for the phone to tell her something that I think
she might find interesting.

She died on Mother's Day of all days.

On Sun, 10 Jul 2022 16:24:12 -0400, J. Clarke
<jclarke.873638@gmail.com> wrote:

>Mine went in 1997. Pancreatic cancer, which as cancers go is fairly
>quick. I really wish that the damned doctor had been honest about the
>prognosis--he advised chemo, which almost never works with pancreatic
>cancer, and it destroyed what little time she had left. I still
>occasionally reach for the phone to tell her something that I think
>she might find interesting.
>
>She died on Mother's Day of all days.

That's horrible even though there's nothing I'd consider a GOOD day.

My mother left us on my father's birthday, we buried my wife on St
Patrick's day - against neither is a "good" day even if one
acknowledges there could ever BE a good day...

The Horny Goat <lcraver@home.ca> writes:

> On Sun, 10 Jul 2022 16:24:12 -0400, J. Clarke
> <jclarke.873638@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>Mine went in 1997. Pancreatic cancer, which as cancers go is fairly
>>quick. I really wish that the damned doctor had been honest about the
>>prognosis--he advised chemo, which almost never works with pancreatic
>>cancer, and it destroyed what little time she had left. I still
>>occasionally reach for the phone to tell her something that I think
>>she might find interesting.
>>
>>She died on Mother's Day of all days.
>
> That's horrible even though there's nothing I'd consider a GOOD day.
>
> My mother left us on my father's birthday, we buried my wife on St
> Patrick's day - against neither is a "good" day even if one
> acknowledges there could ever BE a good day...

My dad phoned me at 3AM on my 41st birthday to let me know my mom had
just passed.

Never get upset by a wrong number in the middle of the night. A right
number at that hour is far worse.

On Mon, 11 Jul 2022 08:32:10 -0600, Joe Pfeiffer
<pfeiffer@cs.nmsu.edu> wrote:

>> That's horrible even though there's nothing I'd consider a GOOD day.
>>
>> My mother left us on my father's birthday, we buried my wife on St
>> Patrick's day - against neither is a "good" day even if one
>> acknowledges there could ever BE a good day...
>
>My dad phoned me at 3AM on my 41st birthday to let me know my mom had
>just passed.
>
>Never get upset by a wrong number in the middle of the night. A right
>number at that hour is far worse.

When I say 'left us' that's the sense I meant it in.

As for phone calls about the only GOOD 5 am phone call I've ever had
was the one from business school saying I'd be admitted. Unfortunately
the secretary was calling alphabetically down the acceptee list and my
surname starts with a C and she was in EST while I was in PST..... I
know I sounded hungover and just said "Uh you do know what time it is
here in Vancouver right?" to which she apologized and I thanked her.

But no question I've had lots of telemarketers call me at lousy times
and they have woken me at least twice.

Could be worse - our family got the dreaded call about my grandfather
right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner....needless to say nobody
felt like dessert!

On Mon, 11 Jul 2022 08:32:10 -0600, Joe Pfeiffer
<pfeiffer@cs.nmsu.edu> wrote:

>My dad phoned me at 3AM on my 41st birthday to let me know my mom had
>just passed.
>
>Never get upset by a wrong number in the middle of the night. A right
>number at that hour is far worse.

Actually I woke my parents (I was then in EST them in PST) at 7 am
their time to announce the birth of our first daughter (their first
grandchild)

We were in the midst of moving from east to west ASAP after she was
born and had bought a house out west and Mom somehow thought I was
calling about our fire insurance (which was a mortgage requirement).

I well remember the conversation:
Dad: uh honey I don't think he's calling about fire insurance!
Me: Thanks dad (no stop for breath) it is my pleasant duty to announce
that at 6:45 eastern time, Mary Elizabeth Craver was born 7 lbs 2 oz,
Mom and baby are just fine....
Mom: oh my! oh my! oh my!

Which really makes me wonder since she was less than a week premature
and they had to be expecting this call quite soon. (Kid in question
celebrated her 35th birthday last week)

So not everythiing in the night is bad...